My (not so) Private Obsession

My (not so) Private Obsession

Ever been so obsessed with something that it’s all you can think about? That’s kinda me these days. I constantly think about the Landing Strong Program. It’s almost all I talk about. It’s become a bit of a problem for me. I seem to have sidestepped small talk, and get straight to the point as I’m so hungry to make it happen.

I’m planning the open house, which will be this summer, and imagine what it will feel like when we receive word that we have been offered funding so that people might access services barrier-free.

I imagine myself being active with program participants: hiking, biking, golfing, fishing, swimming, doing yoga, pilates, and stretch classes. Heck as a clinician who sits all day, I’m excited about being active together.

I envision active, experiential learning, where we work in community to remove barriers, address fears, and instill confidence and hope.

I see laughter, and I see tears. Most importantly, I see people regaining the ability to connect with and express their emotions appropriately, even after years of feeling angry or flat. I feel their hope and witness the dawn of comprehension wash over their faces when they realize that recovery is possible.

I anticipate people discovering creative aspects of themselves that they did not know existed, or that have been long forgotten. I’ll know it’s there by the spark I will see in their eyes as they talk about what they’re doing. They will tell me excitedly how they plan to carry it over into the community.

I see families engaged, and happily involved with program participants and our larger community through our family support program. I definitely see us all going to on-tree together. Maybe a picnic at the beach or having some fun at a local gym or pool.

I am planning the intricate details of the graduation ceremony; even making small gifts to give to participants as I plan the celebration.

I see it that clearly. I hope that you are able to join me.

What Inspires You?

What Inspires You?

I had a first responder in my office this week who totally inspired me.

In his journey of recovery, he’s picked up a new hobby. It’s healthy, active, and encompasses much of his free time when he’s not working. He wonders if this new obsession is healthy. He’s been great about being home when his partner is home, but in his down time, he’s all over this new passion.

I asked him about his drinking, which had been reaching alarming levels in the past few years. Attending choir practice is a routine form of debriefing where he works.

“Funny you should mention that,” he responded. “I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to drink. I’m down to one beer day.”

“How about your anxiety?” I asked.

“Been too busy to think about it,” he grinned.

Sounds to me like recovery. Recovery isn’t about not doing things. It’s about replacing unhealthy habits with more positive alternatives. Things that bring us joy.

That’s one of the reasons we are incorporating leisure pursuits and physical activities as core elements of the Landing Strong programming. We know that development of hobbies and interests is not easy, particularly when life feels overwhelming.

So we do it together. Have a wonderful long weekend and Happy Canada Day!

Surviving PTSD… like a fish out of water

Surviving PTSD… like a fish out of water

I remember when the kids were little, they had a pet Betta fish. For some reason, that only they would understand, they named it “Llama.” One day, I asked my son to clean the fish water. He happily obliged, but left the small round fish bowl on the bathroom sink (with the fish in it). We went out for dinner, and when we returned, the fish had jumped out of the bowl. A thorough search led to a ghastly discovery… Llama had completely dried up on the bathroom floor. So dry in fact that I could not pick him up by hand, and had to use a putty knife to gently chip him off. His poor dehydrated form came up in one piece, except for a small segment of his fin that remained cemented to the floor. I dropped him into the fish bowl, preparing to dispense of him.

To my surprise, when I picked up the bowl, I noticed that Llama appeared to be breathing. Watching intently, I saw him magically rehydrate, and slowly regain movement and life. By the end of an hour, it would have been impossible to know that he had been near death. The only telltale sign being a small piece of missing fin.

Trying to understand the miracle I had witnessed, I did some research and learned that Betta fishes were discovered living in puddles, drainage ditches, and rice paddies in China. Extreme changes in environment forced it to adapt, finding a way to survive harsh conditions. The instinct to jump, and find a bigger puddle had backfired on our poor friend. Natural survival adaptation, however, allowed it to shut down its metabolism and wait out the “drought” until the opportunity to rehydrate presented itself. Like a dried up puddle being replenished by rain.

Llama the betta fish dried up and came back to life.

Although he made a full recovery and lived for a long time after, he had a chip in his fin (a piece of the middle missing) from the rescue. It didn’t affect his ability to swim, but remained with him, an understated reminder of his resilience.

Recovery from trauma does not mean going back to being exactly the same person we were before our injury. It means learning to move forward: wiser, smarter, and better prepared to protect ourselves against future injury.