The other week, our Identity and Transition group members were asked to focus on an insight that they have learned in their recovery process; identifying a truth that they might like to share with others who are facing similar struggles. Karalee led us on an exercise where we imagined ourselves stones thrown into a pool of water, allowing our thoughts to blend together. The voices of many arose as collective wisdom. Below is their story, woven from the theme of each person’s writing. One can’t help but notice the ripple effect of the group’s group work, the strength of one resonating and amplifying as members grow strong together.
Face your truths and own them. Find the path to make things rights. Draw on the strength of others.
You’re in charge of your clean up. Find the tools and use what you need.
Pay attention to your inner voice. It may be hard to find it, but it is there, and it knows what it needs.
Choose something different. There’s a better way.
Kick the struggle in the butt, and don’t accept defeat.
Try and try again. One day at a time. No should of’s. No would of’s. Stop Worrying.
Do things slowly at first. Your strength will flex one day. Change will come.
Continue to watch. Listen. Understand. Start again.
Take time for yourself. Be kind to yourself.
When you shine, everything else grows stronger and healthier.
Open your eyes, and you’ll be okay. Side by side in a forest of care makes you that much stronger.
Make the world what you want it to be.
And dance. There’s always music playing somewhere.
To the group members…Thank you for the gift of your insights and learnings.
Interested in joining our community? Sign up now for our Emotions program in January/Feb and Trauma and Resilience in Feb/March. Programs are filling up so join now to avoid disappointment.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
It’s a comment we have heard often, but I’ve come to the point of wincing now when I hear it. Every person’s experience is not identical. Although we might currently be in the same place, our experience of it varies greatly. The things we have on our plate differ, and the stressors we face unique. A colleague captured this when she said to me recently:
“We may be in the same storm… but we’re not in the same boat.”
No truer words were spoken.
Think back over the last seven months. There was no way we could have anticipated how many levels of stress we were to face or how long the current stressors would have lasted. I invite you to consider the following questions:
What are some of the things you are most proud of regarding how you have managed?
It’s important to take a moment to acknowledge the things you have managed well.
Now that you have some learning behind you, what are some things you’d like to tweak in order to ensure you stay healthy over the next six months?
Facing tough times can give us a whole new understanding of the things that are important to us.
What are some of the things you have really come to appreciate?
Looking ahead to six months from now, what are some of the things you would like to be able to say about yourself?
Now is a great time to do some tweaking. Our Healthy Living program, starting in November, focusses attention on identifying values that are important to us. Together we will review whether the life we are living reflects the life we want. We’ll learn simple strategies for making healthy changes.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Have you seen this show on Amazon Prime? I love it. Teams of four participating in one of the hardest races imaginable, spread out over nine days in untamed jungle, rivers and oceans of Fiji.
Several teams representing various countries come to compete, the motivation to endure such extreme hardship coming from deep within. I am consistently impressed by the grit it requires to take on such a challenge. What amazed me most was who successfully completed the race, and who didn’t.
Spoiler alert: Those who did the best weren’t necessarily the strongest or fittest.
What is the ingredient for success you might ask?
Yes, fitness was important. So was motivation. Most importantly, though was the team’s ability to work together, voicing their needs to one another, communicating clearly if they were faltering, and not hesitating to ask for help when necessary.
The teams that were unable to finish the race didn’t seem any less committed, or athletic as the teams that completed the challenge. Some teams faltered because these folks were amazing at pushing through when they were injured, ignoring the messages their bodies were giving them to slow down and care for themselves. Ultimately, it was their undoing. Teams that knew how to stop, pause when necessary, and share their concerns were more likely to succeed in the long run.
I can’t help but reflect on how PTSD is an injury of isolation. It can be incredibly difficult to let others know what is going on, or what you may need. One of the reasons it can be hard to cross the finish line is that so many try to do it alone.
Running alone you may go faster, but running in a group you go further. The world’s toughest race was evidence of that.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
I see a lot of people who tell me that they don’t know what they’re feeling.
Years of pain have led them to block off emotion. An effort at self-protection.
This may be very smart over the short term. If we are immersed in a situation that is truly intolerable, it can be very adaptive not to feel. It minimizes suffering. The challenge is, once the threat’s gone, it can be hard knowing how to turn the emotions back on.
By blocking out the pain, we also block out the good stuff.
The Buddhists understood this basic premise. On one side of the coin is pain and suffering, on the other…joy and enlightenment. It’s impossible to have one without the other.
If we don’t truly feel, we don’t truly love.
If we haven’t felt in a while, it may be hard at first. But this too shall pass.
Recovery is a road that’s not meant to be walked in isolation. Sharing the load makes the burden that much lighter.
Walk with us. We’re offering many new programs in the fall: for those who are injured, and those who support them. We figure out a way to make it possible, even for those who might not have insurance.
Give us a call and we can get your journey started. It’s that simple.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Many clients believe that change is sudden and dramatic.
Sometimes it’s like that. But in my experience, more often, change is more like a gradual awakening, like a bear stirring in it’s cave after a long hibernation.
It’s easy to sleepwalk through our lives. We jump on the commuter train of daily existence, never really fully processing what’s going on around us, internally or externally.
Change is really about noticing the small stuff: the thousands of tiny thoughts and decisions we make each day that form the fabric of who we are.
Do I take double cream and triple sugar with my coffee or a smoothie? Do I walk up the stairs or take an elevator? Do invite that acquaintance to lunch or sit alone? Do I tell my partner how much I appreciate them or complain about my day? Do I criticize or appreciate?
Meaningful change happens through simple choices. An awakening guided by noticing and intention.
All of our programs contain elements of mindfulness. Whether it’s through art, writing, yoga or meditation, together we practice setting our intention. If it feels like the right time for you, consider joining us for a program this fall.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
It’s been a challenging week to say the least. I look out the window waiting for the sunshine and warmth to come out while listening to the ghastly news stories unfold. An unspeakable sadness and heartache has enveloped our province following the mass shooting last weekend. Certainly the COVID-19 backdrop complicates things further. Those of us working in first responder roles and helping professions face a double challenge: We take care of the needs of others at work, and then return home where we continue to be immersed in the emotional wake of what has happened. With most of us working from home, the usual separation between family life and work life no longer exists.
Like many, I sometimes wake up in the night, processing recent events. Once I’m able to push beyond the shock and horror of the situation, I find myself contemplating the qualities that make Nova Scotian’s particularly well equipped to survive this. I find these thought reassuring, and thought I’d take a moment to share them with you:
1.We take care of one another Nova Scotia has its cities, but for the most part, we are a series of connected villages and towns. We value our neighbours, and our impulse during hardship is to reach out and care for one another. Yesterday at the end of the working day I found a bottle of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice sitting on my step. No note, just the gift. Our family sat around the dinner table trying to figure out who it came from. We honestly didn’t know, as we were aware it could be from one of many neighbours or people in our community. A text later in the day identified the giver (thanks Monica). That’s Nova Scotia for you. Acts of kindness are the norm, not the exception.
2.We are welcoming I have lived in this province for twelve years. Like many, I came from away. Despite that, when I first moved here, I was struck by how immediately it felt like home. People welcomed me like family. Even those who were born here often have to travel elsewhere for work. We have a disproportionate percentage of military members living in this province relative to the rest of the country, many who have lived throughout Canada (and the world). Our RCMP members are accustomed to moving. Out of necessity, we’ve learned how to get comfortable and acquainted quickly. We know how to throw a kitchen party, and we know how to come together, despite restrictions of physical distancing.
3.We are compassionate Everyone has their own unique response to this tragedy. I have heard many people use the word “gutted” so deep is their loss. Anger is a common response, yet the bigger reaction is love and compassion. It’s astonishing how many people have chosen hearts (not hatred) to symbolize their response to the tragedy. We speak lovingly and appreciatively of the contribution of community members whose lives were lost, paying little heed to he who shall not be named.
4.We are problem solvers In the past I have spoken with people who work “away.” Out West on the oil rigs, or overseas on deployment. I consistently hear feedback that employers or military leaders love people from the Maritimes. When faced with a challenge, such as a broken machine, Nova Scotians don’t tend to sit back and wait for the part. They are famous for “MacGuivering” and adapting to overcome obstacles. Probably an offshoot of learning to make do during times of scarcity.
5.We are resourceful During this COVID pandemic, I’m struck by the number of people who have planted gardens. Anticipating the possibility of scarcity, we plan ahead, ensure we will have enough produce not just for ourselves, but also for our neighbours. I’ve learned that if you save the stalk of a romaine lettuce and plant it in water, a new head will grow. My window ledge is filled with lush romaine heads, pushing their way to health, oblivious of the challenges around them. In our house, we laughingly refer to this as the rise of our Romaine Empire. A symbol, I think, of resilience.
6.We never lose our sense of humour Even when we’re down, we know how to laugh. My Romaine Empire is destined to join the other vegetables I’ve grown from seed in what I jokingly refer to as my “Doomsday Garden.” Our neighbour recently posted a hilarious video of himself going to work in the morning suit and tie on, leaving the back door and entering his house from the side, greeting his family as though they were co-workers. Even when the chips are down, we’re there for one another with a smile and words of encouragement.
7.We recognize our strength comes from community We have two programs currently running: Emotions Management and Healthy Living. In both of these groups, we had the chance to process our feelings regarding the hardships and losses of the recent tragedy. Some of our first responder group members are still active duty and were immediately involved. Many people knew Heidi Stevenson on a person level. Others were friends or coworkers of community members who lost their lives. We’re a small province with very few degrees of separation. As people summoned the courage to share their experiences, we felt the divide that separated us lessen. There was recognition that we were all in the shit together. No-one had to save or fix anyone, we were just able to make space, without judgement, witnessing and supporting one another.
8.We are action oriented. Many of us are current or former first responders, helping professions or caregivers. In times of hardship, our immediate impulse is to be operational, setting aside our personal needs in service of others. Many active duty first responders I work with had to cancel their personal appointments this week as they are busy responding to the needs of others. They have been coming in proactively, doing resiliency building work to protect themselves against the repeated effects of workplace trauma exposure. They know to take action to stay healthy. For those who cannot be operational, they know the solution lies in being relational…reaching out and connecting with one another.
