Itâs amazing how two people can hear the same thing but interpret it in entirely different ways.
Joe and I were at the cottage recently, and he shared a line from a country music song heâd heard recently that he found amusing. The song is by Ingrid Andress, entitled âWaste of Limeâ.
âThatâs disgusting!â I exclaimed.
âWhat, no itâs not, itâs funnyâ Joe protested.
âI donât understand whatâs funny about itâ I respond, looking at my husband with a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach.
âWell, sheâs singing about the fact that she and a fellow shared tequila, and at the end of the evening, he left her, leaving her feeling that it had all been âJust a waste of lime and a waste of timeâ Joe explained.
âOh,â I respond, with a sigh of relief âI thought she was singing about the fact that someone had been killed.. but they werenât even worth the lime that had been put over the bodyâ
Joe and I started at each other.
How is it possible that something as simple as lyrics to a song could have such different meanings?
Joe immediately understood the lime reference related to drinking.
After years working at the federal penitentiary and reading through forensic files, the same ingredients had very different meanings for me.
Different experiences, and different lenses for interpreting the world.
It makes a huge difference doing work with people with shared experiences. Theyâve been there. They get it. What may seem dark in one context, is just business as usual in the next.
Come to a place where youâll be understood, whatever lens youâre viewing the world through.  Weâre offering a number of exciting fall programs. Sign up  now in order to avoid disappointment.  Seats are filling quickly.
On the surface, a young seedling looks fragile. In fact, it has likely spent a good deal of energy and time growing roots, and building strength even before it breaks the earthâs surface.
Trauma recovery is like that.  Chances are, a great deal of growth happens even before anyone notices.  When people come for their first group session or counselling appointment, they have usually started a change process even before walking through the door.  Merely deciding to make a change is a step in the right direction.
You may be unsure if you are ready to join a group, but the fact that you are starting to think about it is evidence that you may be further along than you think.  Some people may get a new plant and think it is just beginning.  In truth, we know that it has already had to prove itâs resilience by making it this far.
We invite you to imagine how it might feel to sit in a group with others who understand what it took for you to get here, as they have had to do the same.
A strand of trees grows stronger than a single seedling.Â
This fall we are offering a number of groups. Something for everyone, irrespective of where they are in their recovery.
If youâre thinking you may be ready to join a group this September, give us a call. Â
Weâd love to hear from you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Have you ever placed a glass upside down in the sink while washing dishes?  Sometimes, it gets stuck.  A powerful force of suction holds it to the bottom.  If you are able to pry it up, water rushes in, quickly filling the vacuum or void that was created.
Most of us are experiencing significant upheaval in our lives due to COVID-19.  The hustle and bustle of daily routine is replaced by a strange new reality.  Maybe you are trying to work but struggling to find a quite space to do so.  Perhaps you have not been able to work or pursue your regular daily activities and find yourself stuck at home more than you would like.  One of the challenges we face is knowing how to intentionally fill the time so the default isnât just whatever happens to be close by.  Hmmm, the gym is closed, so Iâll get a snack instead.  You see where Iâm going with this?
If we are not intentional about how we spent our time, we run the risk of the vacuum being filled by whatever happens to be around.  It might be video games, Netflix marathons, excessive eating, alcohol consumption or cannabis use. Maybe you normally go out and socialize, but now you are finding yourself stuck at home.    Â
There has never before been a better time for intentional living.  What is that you might ask?  Itâs the idea of structuring your day so that it falls in line with your values and beliefs.  It ensures you are doing what you can to feel pleased with the way youâve spent your time.
Me, Iâve increased my creative time.  Iâm painting up a storm, having fun replicating beautiful patterns on rocks.  I am starting a series called âNapkin printsâ, copying beautiful patterns from napkins onto smooth rocks that I found at the beach. It gets me outside rock hunting, and is both relaxing and enjoyable copying beautiful pictures while listening to great tunes. Simple mindful practices such as this can go a long way towards restoring calm and a sense of order in a chaotic time.  Iâve made a short video to show you, which I’ll post below.  For those of you interested in learning more, we still have a few spots in our Healthy Living program, starting April 16.  Instead of meeting at our office, all of our courses will be offered online, and weâll arrange for you to have a box of supplies needed in advance.  No fears, we are quarantining our supplies as we speak to ensure that they are germ free, both after we purchase them, and before sending them to you.  Even though these groups are being held virtually, spaces will remain limited.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was a little girl, I was sure that there were monsters in the basement. I remember running full speed up the stairs, away from the dark cellar so that the monsters didnât get me. They were huge, scary and dangerous. Avoiding it kept me afraid. Had I faced them, I would have discovered it was just the furnace making a weird noise. Slightly unsettling but not scary at all. Certainly not unmanageable.
Sometimes when we donât want to feel something, itâs easier to compartmentalize our emotions. We run away from them so that they canât hurt us. The problem with this is that our fear of them is usually greater than the pain they can cause us. We feed our fears by looking away. They get their power from silence and being ignored or hidden.
They say courage is born on the battlefield.  That may be true, but I think just as often it arises in the aftermath, when we work to face our emotions. Anyone in a service profession knows about putting a âgame faceâ on.  You know it, showing no fear even when you are about to walk into a situation that is dangerous, frightening or threatening.  Joe Frazier knew it when walked into the ring to face Muhammad Ali, arguably one of the greatest boxers of all time.  Ali had a total of 56 professional wins, 37 of them by knockout.  So when Frazier walked in the ring, he likely knew that he had a 50% chance of being knocked unconscious.  Yet he did it anyway.   Shoving our emotions aside in times of distress is important and often necessary.  It allows us to remain functional.  The challenge is knowing when and how to take our game face off, and look deeper to discover what it is that we are actually feeling.  In treatment groups Iâve had Special Forces Members, Police, RCMP, Firefighters, Paramedics, EOD Techs, Corrections Officers and Trauma Counsellors say the same thing.  Coming to treatment was one of the hardest, but most important things they have ever done.  So perhaps courage does take many forms.  The obvious ones, and the more invisible form as we all come together to regroup, recalibrating our central nervous systems, and reclaiming important aspects of self that may have been lost along the way.  In my mind, that is indeed the face of courage.  Warm regards,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
During a recent training trip in Quebec, I took advantage of a warm afternoon by taking a stroll down a remote country road. At the end of the road, the sound of a trickling waterfall caught my attention. Drawn towards it, I spied a small blue door supported by weathered stone pillars. On the door was a sign declaring âPropriete Privee,â or private property. Surrounding the small waterfall were five lines of barbed wire, ensuring that no one enter the property.
What a shame, I thought to myself, that such a special spot be barred from view by others. The owners may have had good reason to guard their property â perhaps trespassers had abused the privilege of visiting. I realized though, that those past incidents served to form the rationale for a permanent barrier. The gate served not only to keep people out, it also prevented people from coming in.
It isnât uncommon that we build barriers to keep ourselves safe following trauma. Whether itâs imaginary walls or barbed wire, the thought of letting others in can be threatening. I have no doubt that when we build the walls we do so because they are needed. How do we know, though, when itâs safe to take them down?
Joining a treatment group offers a safe way to connect with others. Youâll never be asked to share anything you arenât ready to share, and we offer a structured and supportive way of exploring topics that we hope youâll find useful on your journey to health. We still have a few seats left in the âStop Faking Good & Start Feeling Goodâ group, please call to sign up soon to avoid disappointment. Our upcoming Community Connection days allow a more informal way of connecting and having fun. Running over three Fridays in October, the first one on October 4th is for Veterans and First Responders who have taken programs at Landing Strong. The second (being held on October 11th) is opened to those who have taken group programs with us and to their partners, spouses and others who have been important supports. On October 18th, we welcome anyone who has taken a Landing Strong Program as well as any Veteran, Military Member or First Responder who might be thinking of taking a program, but arenât sure and want a chance to test the waters. We are offering these Community Connection Days free of charge, just give us a phone call to let us know youâre coming.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
