My husband recently took a group of 30 students, aged 11-18 to the summit of Kilimanjaro. Every one of them made it to the top. Braving the cold on that last difficult night, the students dug deep to find the resources to keep going when their bodies were shrieking at them to stop. There is no doubt in my mind that if they were walking in isolation, very few would make it. With support, encouragement and companionship of others in the same predicament, the venture somehow feels less daunting. There is, indeed, strength in numbers.
This week I came off an intensive week working with veterans and first responders recovering from Operational Stress Injuries. Even though they are only four days into a ten day program, I already see a difference: a lightness in their faces; straightness in their back; and a shift in the manner they speak to one another. What originally started out as a journey of isolation has transformed into a group effort. Accessing emotions that have been long buried they push forward in their desire for recovery.
Initially avoiding eye contact, they now meet each other’s gaze with respect and admiration. Trained to view expression of emotions as a sign of weakness, they are coming to understand it is, in fact, the opposite. Facing that which we fear is the ultimate act of courage.
“We are alone in this together.” One of them affirmed. With these words I know that something important is shifting. For what started out as a solo journey, has now become a group expedition.
When I was little, my mother repeatedly tried to get me to eat Brussel sprouts.
“I can’t…I don’t like them!” I’d exclaim
“I didn’t give you many”, she’d insist. “Don’t leave the table until you’ve eaten them up”.
And with these simple words, the challenge was on. Belinda vs. Brussel sprouts.
Resting my chin on my hands, I’d stare down the offending cabbages. Determined not to weaken my resolve, I alternated my gaze between the congealing green lumps in front of me, and the painfully slow moving hands of the wall clock. Eventually, she’d give in, removing the plate and sending me upstairs to my room. I’d won…or so I thought.
I’m reminded of the fact that sometimes if we really don’t want to do something, no-one can make us do it. Even if it may be good for us.
The funny thing is, I don’t actually mind Brussel sprouts now. It’s all a matter of how it’s prepared.
Trying new things is hard, and stressful. Like making the decision to begin therapy, or sign up for a treatment group.
“But I don’t do groups!” you may exclaim.
Ah yes…remember, it all boils down to how it’s done.
We’re cooking up some great programs for you.
Starting May 24 and running five successive Fridays, Landing Strong is offering Stop faking good and start feeling good: A program for managing emotions. I’ll be co-leading with Psychologist Patricia MacDonald and Trauma Yoga Therapist Caelin Nadin. A powerhouse team who know how to have fun. Even if programs aren’t normally your thing, come out and give it a try…
It’ll be good for you 😉
Drop us a line at info@landingstrong.com or call to reserve your spot 902 472-2972. The program is already half full so book soon to avoid disappointment. We will work with your insurance providers to obtain authorization for you to attend.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Have you ever wanted to just get away from it all? Burst away from the demands and expectations of daily life? I have. This weekend I’m going to Toronto to meet with family. You know what I intend to do? Pay to be locked up with them. That’s right…have an escape room experience.
I know what you’re thinking:
”You need to get out more Belinda. Paying to be locked up with family members…really!!”
I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ve never tried one before.
So…the fun may be brief, or you may not see me again…if we can’t figure how to get out.
Honestly though, I think we all just need to escape from time to time. Do something fun and with people that we care about. I challenge you all to try something different. Step out of that comfort zone. If you’d like to share stories/pictures of your escape, we can post on our Landing Strong Facebook site. Just send them to Mackenzie at mseagram@landingstrong.com. Oh by the way, she is part of this as well, so if social media messaging suddenly stops, you’ll know we’re really trapped. 🙂
Keep your posts as anonymous as you wish. Perhaps your ideas might inspire others. I’ll post something of our experience.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
As I view the dark days of winter in my rear view mirrors and think about the months ahead, I find myself contemplating bathing suit season. That’s right, the dreaded time of year when we’re held accountable for our mid-winter indulgences. I admit it, I put on a few pounds. My stomach isn’t flat the way I want it to be. Could it be encroachment of the dreaded Muffin Top?
I found myself defaulting to considering quick weight loss strategies, accompanied by uncharitable thoughts about myself and unkind words about my body. “There is absolutely no reason,” I think, frustrated with myself, “why I shouldn’t look exactly like I did in my twenties. I just need more discipline!” I seem to be overlooking the fact that I’ve had a few kids and it’s thirty years later.
Okay, I’m a psychologist, I should know better. Enduring change is built on love and compassion, not hatred. History holds countless examples.
But I’m still human. It was Mackenzie, my daughter, and our Landing Strong Director of Community Engagement and Wellbeing who reminded me of this. I made a comment about being displeased with my muffin top, to which she replied:
“Remember, the top of the muffin is the best part”.
The wisdom of these words struck deep, for I know in my heart that I am in the best years of my life. Instead of internally criticizing, I’ll focus on practicing loving compassion. A person who loves her body cares for it, exercising it regularly and nourishing it with whole foods and a rainbow of colour. A person who struggles with their body doesn’t connect with it or use it much, viewing food as the enemy. This makes enduring change very difficult.
I think our relationship with our bodies very much reflects our relationship with ourselves and with life in general. With courage, love, and compassion, we’re able to leave the dark days of winter behind.
Stuck in the dark corner of judgement and shame, we remain immobile. Change escapes us. I’ll think of you all as I wander the nature trails with my dogs, enjoying the buds of spring and bursts of colour. I won’t focus on what I don’t want, but on what I desire, and allow that path to gently guide me forward.
Partners in recovery,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
I speak to many veterans and first responders who tell me they are having a difficult time feeling.
The problem isn’t that they’re feeling down…it’s that they aren’t feeling at all.
Over the years, quietly and almost unnoticed, emotional flatness has seeped into their lives.
“It’s not all bad” they tell me. “I’m not bothered at work by things that seem to disturb other people. I just shut ‘er down and get the job done.”
You may recognize yourself in this picture: highly skilled at being functional, even when the going gets tough. When faced with disturbing or horrific scenes, we’re trained to shut down our emotions. Because after all…Mission (service) comes before self.
One of the challenges is that we get so used to being in this mode that we don’t always know when we’re are doing it.
We just notice that we are no longer able to feel like we used to.
The emotional override can be so powerful that that we may not even be able to recognize what our needs are. Knowing how and when to take time out for ourselves isn’t simple. Years of training has hardwired us to meet the expectations of strangers before those of our own families or even ourselves.
Chronic pain, fatigue, anger, anxiety and emotional flatness are all indications that this has gone on for too long.
Recovery is about reconnecting with self. Listening to our bodies and our minds.
Change is possible but I won’t kid you, it’s not easy. Particularly if the override has been going on for many years.
We will be offering a five week program on successive Fridays starting May 24 which will help. Stop faking good and start feeling good: Manage your emotions and curb your addictions. Call now to reserve your spot (902) 472-2972 or contact us at info@landingstrong.com
Partners in recovery,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
