Leading with Gratitude: Meet my friend Kenneth Kamyuka
During a recent trip to Toronto, I took an Uber in order to transport a load of groceries to my fatherās home. My good-natured Uber driver, Kenneth, struck up a conversation as we drove. I asked him if he enjoyed being an Uber driver and responded happily:
āI love it. As a newcomer to this country, I find Canada full of opportunity for those willing to work hard.ā
Kenneth went on to explain that he had immigrated from Uganda. He shared a story of his first arrival in Canada thirteen years earlier:
āYou see, I was assigned a case manager to help me settle. The first time we met, she handed me a cheque for $730. I couldnāt believe it. That represented 3.2 million shillings. I asked her āwhen do I have to pay it back?ā and she said, āyou donātā¦we will give you a check like this each month until you find workā.ā
Kenneth explained that he could not believe he received such a warm welcome, counting himself lucky to come to such a caring place. Hailed as one of Ugandaās top cricketeers, Kenneth later came to play on Canadaās national cricket team.
Kenneth was truly an unexpected spark of joy in the middle of a busy day. The conversation reminded me of the importance of moving slowly, taking the time to notice people, places and all things good around me. I was pleased to meet Kenneth, and proud of the manner in which Canada welcomed him. For all of those of you who have worked so hard to help maintain our freedoms, rights and privileges, my encounter with Kenneth served as a reminder of the power of gratitude in transforming lives.
Warm thoughts,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Apparently thereās a toilet paper shortage in Nova Scotia. When under stress, we run the risk of going into survival mode, taking care of ourselves while losing sight of the larger picture. If I run out and buy a monthās worth of toilet paper tonight, chances are the old man who lives down the road who has run out will get none.
Thatās the difference between community thinking and individual survival.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together – African Proverb
Most civilians are not trained to work in high risk emergency situations. Itās times like this that we truly appreciate those who are trained in risk management and emergency response. They specialize in big picture thinking, operating from a position of prevention, resource and risk-management, and de-escalation.
A large percentage of police work, for example, involves talking to people while calming volatile situationsā¦
Step away from the toilet paper Maāamā¦
Ultimately, we all do better when we approach any situation from the perspective of the needs of the group. A panic response to stress might be a natural human instinct or response. Learning how to cope with these instincts allows us to connect with our community in a supportive and meaningful way.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Even before it officially arrived, we felt the effects of Hurricane Dorian. Bayerās Lake shopping Centre was jammed full of cars, with people honking at each other in a manner that was distinctly un-Nova Scotian. Long lines formed at grocery stores and gas stations, and shoppers scurried about frenetically. A province where people usually hold the doors open for one another, on Friday they rushed through, allowing doors to slam shut behind them. A woman I recently met described the rising anxiety she felt at the thought of being without power. During Hurricane Juan in 2003, she went 14 days in the dark. There were many indications that this was a province that has previously suffered the devastating effects of a hurricane.
Although kids were thrilled at the cancellation of school, many of us struggled with the clean-up and aftereffects of Dorian. Communities bonded with one another, checking to see if everyone was okay. Even while I send this note out, many of you in rural areas are still waiting for power. Personally, I received a few free skylights in my roof and the removal of my porch, no charge, courtesy of Dorian. Although we are grateful that we suffered nothing close to the devastation of our friends in Bahamas, many people worked very long hours this week in order to help restore order and comfort to our lives. A special thanks to those police, firefighters, first responders, volunteer tree removers and Hydro workers who put in very long days on our behalf. I spoke with Rod, from Hydro Nova Scotia. He showed up at our house at 6:30 Sunday am to cap off loose wires and then again on Wednesday night at 10:00 pm to help restore power. His team had been working 6:00 am until 10:00 pm all week.
The effects of trauma are multi layered. Experiences from the past colour the lens through which we view our present. This recent event reminded me of that. So if you notice people being a bit less happy, comfortable, or patient than usual, letās cut them some slack. They may have lost their crops, still be in the dark, be figuring out how to repair their cars or homes, or possibly, be struggling to regroup after being reminded of the aftereffects of Hurricane Juan.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Every military member and first responder signs up knowing their job involves risk. You may not know exactly what the risks are, but have a general sense that things could get very ugly. Why do we do it? Why expose ourselves to harmful things when we know that thereās a significant chance of personal injury?
Why support a family member who may be taking these risks?
Why would someone willingly enter a burning building, respond to a fatal motor vehicle accident, take on the responsibility of making life-or-death decisions, or be in the role of caring for those who have injured others?
We do it because deep down, we believe we can make a difference.
Whether itās through direct exposure in the field, or more indirectly through the viewing of images and videos, thereās no doubt that repeated trauma exposure takes a toll.
Through witnessing one anotherās experiences, weāre able to appreciate the difference each person made. Weāre a community that walks with you to understand your injury and help you reclaim parts of your life that may have been lost.
Come walk with us this Fall, weāre running group programs that are well-suited for both new and returning members of our team. We’ll be sharing details on our social media pages this week so be sure to check us out on Facebook or our website.
With gratitude,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
This week, Mackenzie downloaded a podcast to my phone that I thought was terrific.Ā Ā It made me laugh, feel sad, and prompted some deep reflection about the nature of relationships.Ā Ā Itās the story of a couple trying to work out differences in three binge-worthy episodes.Ā Ā The format of their discussion is 36 critical questions.Ā Ā I use the word critical because they quickly get to the heart of what is most important in a relationship.Ā Ā At the core, do we share the same values, laugh at the same things, cry at the same time, and know how to let loose and have fun in a meaningful way?
Itās impossible to listen to this podcast without reflecting on oneās own relationships. Iāll share one of the questions with you,
āGiven the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?ā
In answering this, I went through a list of possibilities, ranging from Oprah to Gandhi to Michelle Obama. Iām happy to say that after a great deal of thought, I chose Joe. Thatās right, the same man who Iāve been married to for the past 28 years. When push comes to shove, heās the guy who I want to take me to dinner.
I invite you to enjoy the podcast, and perhaps use the list of questions (excluding #35) to spark discussion. It’s called “36 Questions” and is a 3-episode podcast musical.
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
I have a piece of wildlife art on my wall: a majestic stag, staring intensely at me from a forest glade. When I look at it, my body settles. In fact, when Iām on a break between sessions, I often sit on my couch and stare at this deer, looking at it as it looks back at me. A couple moments of mindful reflection in the blur of an otherwise busy day.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a client standing in front of this piece of art, staring at it thoughtfully. I immediately assumed it was bringing him the same joy it brought to me. When I observed him more closely, I saw a flash of pleasure dance across his face. I suddenly remembered that he was a hunter.
āYouāre thinking about shooting that deer!ā I proclaimed, somewhat shocked.
āNo,ā he said to me, grinning slyly. āIām thinking of cooking it up over a campfire, and eating a great venison steak.ā
Itās all a matter of perspective. It doesnāt matter what weāre dealing with in life, there are always many ways to look at any situation.
A snow day this week could be a headache, or cause for celebration.
Are you aware of the direction your thoughts take you? Our automatic thoughts are powerful guides in terms of how we interpret the world around us. They drive our emotions. Itās generally not a situation that causes an emotion, but rather the way we think about it that drives the feeling.
If we want to change our feelings, we have to change our thoughts. We canāt always control our environment, but we can control how we choose to think about it.
One of the most impactful ways of gaining a new perspective is to work within groups. Weāre able to see ourselves, not just through our own lenses, but also through the lens of others. A carefully facilitated and safe therapeutic group provides the ideal venue.
We offer a variety of workshops and programs. Landing Strong members are welcome to join at any time. New programs are being launched on a regular basis (check out the āPrograms and Workshopsā tab under LandingStrong.com)Ā Ā We hope youāll join us. Spoiler alert: Keep an eye out for our emotions management program, coming soon!
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
