At times like this, it’s easy to feel helpless. In reality, there’s a lot that you can do to make a difference. If you feel compelled to take action, I encourage you to reach out. Let those who have lost loved ones know they are supported. Donāt worry about saying the wrong thing. Just knowing you are there and thinking of them will make a difference.
Let the first responders in your community know that you appreciate them. They havenāt yet had time to emotionally process what has happened as they are busy putting themselves out there doing their best to keep us safe. There are great people doing hard work in an imperfect system. Theyāve lost a loved one, some are carrying the burden of recently having to take a life, and are still expected to report to work every morning. When they come home, ask them how they are doing, not details of what they have done. Now is a time to let them know you have their back.
Do not suffer in isolation. Let people know how you feel. Take time for yourself when you are not working, and do something just to care for yourself. Look under the anger and allow yourself to be vulnerable, noticing the deeper feelings. Resist anger and hatred and connect with the deeper feelings that unite us.
Be a good listener. We want to be able to support others without judgement. Donāt try to fix them or change the way they feel, just allow them to share their experience so that they are not alone. Thatās the most powerful possible intervention. Decreasing peopleās sense of isolation.
Resist interpreting one horrific action as evidence that the world is unsafe and people canāt be trusted. Notice the overwhelming number of exceptions to the rule: huge numbers of unsolicited acts of kindness and solidarity.
If you would like to help support on an organizational level, consider supporting a Nova Scotia based organization that is supporting others. Many non-profit organization are struggling right now. Keep your money and support local.
If youād like to be a part of supporting first responders and their families, join our Landing Strong Community. Word of mouth (or sharing electronically) is the most powerful way of spreading a message. Help us spread the word though ālikesā sharing our posts so that people are aware of our services. We are currently enrolling participants for our Trauma and Resiliency program and our Mind-Body Health and Recovery Group. Ideally people do this work before they become injured, allowing them to stay in their jobs longer.
Thinking of you all, and wishing you a safe and supported weekend.
Warm Regards, Belinda
ps. a special thank-you to Helen Painter for creating the beautiful artwork
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Heās Dougās dog. Max may greet you cheerfully when you walk in the door at Landing Strong. Wagging his fluffy white tail while showing off his fabulous winter sweater.
Max comes in to work because he hasnāt had an easy time lately. His lifelong companion Murphy passed away and the adjustment has been hard on him. Always together, Max suddenly found himself without his best friend. When I first met Max he was sad and somewhat withdrawn. Overtime, heās growing in confidence and is coming out of his bed more often. The more he interacts, the better he does.
Grief is like that. Isolating and all encompassing. It makes it hard to get up and go outā¦particularly if all we want to do is lie in bed. The thing is, grief is not meant to be experienced alone. Thereās power and strength in expressing the roar of pain associated with loss. Pain is meant to be seen and heardā¦thatās why we cry out. Itās an invitation for connectionā¦for recovery never happens in isolation.
Extending our thoughts and hearts to each and every one of you who are experiencing the pain of loss. Know that you are not alone.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
High performance athletes canāt always do whatās expected. Occasionally, they might have a minor sprain or injury that needs nurturing. In the case of a major setback, they might be on the sidelines for a longer period of time. This doesnāt mean they arenāt a top performer. It simply means that no matter what weāre good at, or what weāre trying to work on, none of us can be good at it all of the time.
Sometimes when we have a setback, it might be easy to doubt whether weāve made any progress at all.
āMaybe the good mood I had last month wasnāt real…ā
āI feel like Iām back at square oneā
āI thought I was doing so much better, what does it mean now that Iām really struggling?ā
As in any journey, the path has peaks and valleys. The emotions you feel at any one point in time will never be a constant. True, the good times will passā¦ but so will the bad.
The most important thing to remember in those moments of self-doubt is thatās the time to reach out. Itās totally counter-intuitive, but a certain way to turn things around quickly. When we most want to retreat, thatās actually when we need to advance.
Donāt wait until youāre feeling good to join one of our groupsā¦ it would be a very empty room if we all took that approach. Take a look at the programs weāre offering in the new year and see if thereās one that seems right for you. Thereās a seat waiting for you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week, Iām on the South Shore running an intensive Veterans Retreat. Itās a chance to disconnect from everything, and spend uninterrupted time devoted to assisting injured veterans and first responders recover from trauma exposure.
We sit in a close knit circle, and start each morning by asking participants how they slept, and whether they had any new insights following the work we did on the previous day. Most importantly, we ask them if they had any dreams. Whether theyāre good or bad, Iāve come to appreciate the value of dreams in trauma recovery.
No one likes having nightmares. As children, weāre taught to try to not think about them, distracting ourselves from the images that most disturb us.
The problem with trying to suppress thoughts is that it keeps them bubbling to the surface while we sleep. Letās call it our nocturnal internal guidance system.
The brain knows what it wants to process. Whether we like it or not, bad dreams are our mindās way of letting us know that we have unprocessed memories or emotions that need unloading.
So, I bet you know what Iām going to say nextā¦the only way to stop the bad dreams is to work through the underlying cause.
Itās only by shining a light on our darkest places that we are able to remove the threatā¦ see what needs to be seen so that we can move forward.
Strange as it seems, dreams (good or bad) are our friends. They serve as our inner compass, pointing us in the direction of where we need to look.
So instead of shying away from bad dreams, consider leaning forward, taking a closer look at what your subconscious is trying to tell you. Itāll generally point you in the direction of health.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Thereās a Lakota expression that says āHealing takes place in the spaces between peopleā.
Each time we tell our story, it changes. An evolving narrative that morphs depending on who we tell it to and how weāre received. It is easy to get stuck, repeating the same tale internally in a repeated manner. Through sharing, we open the window to new ways of viewing ourselves, and differing interpretations of the past.
Itās not what happened to us that causes trauma, but rather the meaning of the experience that determines its impact.
We may have experienced a trauma alone, but in the retelling be supported, diminishing our sense of isolation.
We may judge ourselves negatively from the perspective of our youth, but through our adult lens, find the wisdom of compassion.
We may only be able to see something from one perspective, but with the compassion of peers open our eyes to other possibilities.
In this technological society that we live in, itās easy to feel lonely despite a multitude of internet connections. I invite you to take the time to share even a small bit of your story in real time with someone you trust. Notice what small shifts might occur when you no longer carry the experience alone.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itās a time of year to remember. His story. Her story. Their story. We remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, as well as those who bear the scars of injury, either physical or internal. Every battle has a cost. On this day, we join together to pay particular attention to the lessons learned, honouring those who have fallen.
When military members come home from deployment, it is an incredibly important time for them to be supported. Romeo Dallaire has very eloquently articulated the challenge of returning from Rwanda. Following Vietnam, thousands of American soldiers returned home to a nation rocked by politics. Seeking support, many were met with criticism and judgement. Wounded by atrocities overseas, these men and women are doubly injured if they fail to receive the support they need at home. Remembrance Day is a time when we set politics aside in order to extend our gratitude to those who have served.
One of the toughest facts is that it isnāt just on the battlefield where lives are lost. In the US, twenty veterans take their lives each day. In Canada, more Afghanistan veterans have lost their lives to suicide than on the battlefield. Even those who serve at home are at risk with more than half of all military deaths taking place during training exercises. War is complicated and dangerous. Preparing for it, supporting it, and coming home even more so.
Let us remember that although the deployments or service may be over, for many the battle rages on.
We stand behind them and with them, not just on this day, but every day.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
