Have you ever pulled your car up to a stoplight and glanced over at the driver in the car beside you.Ā Ā Magically, somehow they know youāre looking at them.Ā Ā They stare right back.Ā Ā
Just by looking at someone, you change your relationship with them.Ā
By looking at something, you change the nature of its existence.
Wayne Dyer reinforced this notion when he wrote: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.Ā Ā Ā
When we look at things repeatedly through the same lens, our thoughts and feelings about them donāt tend to change.Ā Ā By looking at our experiences through the eyes of others, we are offered the gift of being able to see them differently.Ā Ā Our world expands.
We canāt change what happened to us. We can change the way we view it.Ā Thereās incredible power in that.Ā
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last weekend, I took some time to sit on our cottage deck, soaking in the last few rays of summer. Thereās always something a bit sad about Labour Day weekend.Ā Ā Like all good things, summer must come to an end.Ā Ā Joe and I enjoyed some bruschetta, made with tomatoes purchased at the local farmerās market and basil harvested from our garden. We took the time to savour the rich flavour of the food in front of us, enjoying the stillness of the lake and the calmness of the moment.
Itās so easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life, forgetting to slow down and savour the colours, smells and textures around us.Ā Ā Autumn is a particularly good time for this.Ā Ā I invite you to take photos of the natural beauty around you.Ā Ā Capture a shot of something that settles you: something that bring you peace. Take a moment to write a line about what makes it special and send it to Mackenzie atĀ mseagram@landingstrong.com.Ā Ā
Let us know if youād like to remain anonymous or if we can acknowledge your first name and weāll share your inspirations on our social media channels.Ā
Many hearts beating together make us stronger.
Warm regards,Ā
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When we run programs at Landing Strong, we spend quite a bit of time discussing how to create an environment that feels comfortable and safe. Participants tell me that itās not uncommon to walk into a community coffee group where theyāre initially having a good time, only to have the mood shift once the subject of politics comes up. Suddenly the tone is angry and loud. Instead of ideas and insights forming the discussion, hard opinions become the propulsion for discussion. Listening decreases as each person fixates on ensuring their ātruthā is heard.
When this happens, I know itās just a matter of time until the conversation shuts down, and the potential for insights and wisdom arising from the discussion are lost.
Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings, writes Cheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, is an acquired skill. Itās that wonderful balance between appropriateness and authenticity.
In her book Lean In, Sandberg notes āWhen communicating hard truths, less is moreā¦The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.ā
What if we all made it our mission to seek to understand the opinions of others, without needing to be right? How would the world change? We may disagree with what we hear, but at least by listening we are inviting an opportunity for dialogue. Sowing the seeds of change. If we are able to shift our focus from being heard, to accepting the uniqueness of each personās truth, the discussion becomes richer.
I have to admit, I donāt always master this art. But I try.
Please join me in noticing the tone and manner in which we communicate with others. Is it inviting or overbearing? Welcoming or deflective?
As Sandberg confirms, being aware of the problem is the first step to correcting it.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Recently I received a piece of feedback that produced food for thought. A veteran commented that professionals have been telling him for years to try to go out in public, but when he does, he is quickly overwhelmed.
āā¦itās like being asked to jump into the deep end of the pool without properly knowing how to swim.ā
He emphasized the importance of teaching people with PTSD to swim before asking them to take up high diving.
I couldnāt agree more.
Thereās a common saying āgo hard or go homeā.Ā In the case of recovery from Operational Stress Injuries, this is a terrible strategy. The trick is to go forward slowly, with self-compassion.
I remember a yoga teacher once said to me āfind the edge, and lean into itā.
āWhatās the edge?ā I asked.
āItās that point where you are no longer comfortable, but not so far as to cause injury.ā My instructor explained. The edge can even change while you are doing the exercise, so it is important to adjust. The truth is I have been doing yoga for a number of years, and I am still as stiff as a board. So my āedgeā isnāt very far out. I used to be hard on myself about it, looking at how flexible everyone else in the class is while I closely resemble a cardboard cut-out figure.
Now I donāt sweat it so much. Iām just happy I made it there. I dropped out of high intensity yoga, and instead take restorative yoga, which is gentler, and more forgiving. Baby stepsā¦ thatās the key.
Only you know where your edge is. For each person it is different. If you havenāt been out in a while, it may be simply stepping on your back porch for 5 minutes and feeling the sunshine on your face. It may be writing a text or email to a single friend. It may simply be showing up for your doctor’s appointment.
So please donāt go off the high diving board.Ā A little toe in the water is fine.
Connecting with Belinda
Executive Director Belinda Seagram, Ph.D. shares regular blog posts to inspire you during your journey.
