Last week I was speaking with Jen Whalen who shared that she recently made relish with her Mum Ann, who many of you may know through our sessions at Makerâs.
They use an old recipe card that has been lovingly handed down. It is worn, stained and the cursive writing makes it look more like an old love-letter than a recipe. Jenâs Mum thoughtfully chooses the produce from local farmers and her own garden and together they wash, peel, chop, and grind, while mason jars steam on baking racks to prepare for preservation.
Together they reminisce about childhood, and each year learn more about one another. With a smile Jen secretly admitted to that sheâs not actually a huge relish fan. But she does love to share it with those who are. Finding a pretty label attaching a hand-written note, securing it with twine and handing to a friend is a simple activity that brings her great joy.
Itâs all about the little things, opportunities to connect, giving to others. When we take the time to notice what small seemingly insignificant things bring us joy, we can intentionally set ourselves up for more.
Warm thoughts,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last night marked the launch of our first Date Night series. Can I take a moment to tell you how wonderful it was sharing the evening with twelve wonderful people who jumped in to be led by Kara Lister Wade as we created shadow boxes of favorite memories. What a treat to meet the significant others of our Landing Strong community. We were offered glimpses into peopleâs favorite moments, sharing details of positive experiences. Twinkle lights, delectable treats and candlelight transformed the space, rounded out by laughter, creativity and good company. Special thanks to Mackenzie for her beautiful charcuterie boxes and assorted sweets. Most remarkable to me was the distance people travelled in order to attend. Two couples drove from three hours away, one couple drove 90 minutes to be there, a few were an hour drive away and one lived locally: such was their commitment to attend. I canât help but reflect on the specialness of the evening, and the residual warmth I am experiencing as a result of it.
Next month weâll be having Chinese food. Please let us know your favorite dish if you are planning on coming. Kara will lead us through a new journey of creativity. These events are for couples, partners or close friends.
Wishing you all a restful and rejuvenating weekend.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itâs hard not to ask the question, especially at this time of year. The following answers were offered by young children in response to a survey by the Couples Institute regarding the question âWhat is love?â
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your fries without making them give you any of theirs – Chrissy age 6
Love is what makes you smile when you are tired – Terri, age 4
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day – Noelle 7
Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken – Elaine age 5
Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day – Mary Ann age 4
You really shouldnât say âI love youâ unless you mean it, But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget – Jessica age 8
 Perhaps the best example of love wasnât something that was said, but done. Leo Buscaglia shared this special moment he witnessed:
A four year old child had an elderly gentleman as a next door neighbour who had recently lost his wife.  Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentlemanâs yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.  When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said âNothing, I just helped him cryâ.
For me, love is an action.  Itâs about moving toward rather than moving away.  Itâs about staying present, even when itâs uncomfortable.  Itâs about patiently waiting through silence, until emotions can form.
Love is what keeps us whole, allows us to heal, giving the walk forward meaning.
Warm thoughts and lots of love on this Valentineâs Day,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
In this line of work, Iâm honoured to hear countless stories of courage in the face of adversity. Recently, as part of our Identity and Transition course, veterans and first responders have been putting pen to paper. Led by our inspired writer Karalee Ann Clerk, participants who claim they canât write step forward into the spotlight, bearing their hearts to the group. A sacred circle has formed, woven of trust, strength, compassion and courage. Each week my heart grows as I view their lives through the lens of their experiences. I mentioned to the group that if anyone was willing to share their weekly writing with the greater Landing Strong community, Iâd be happy to publish it. One of our Veterans (and also a former Corrections Officer) stepped to the plate.
Thank you R.B. for trusting us with this piece of your heart:
I remember not seeing my fatherâs car. It was a fire engine red 1965 Pontiac Parisienne. A boat. A convertible boat. He loved that car, and that car was gone. I was 7 or 8 and had just returned from school. My mom told me matter of factly, “Your fathers gone and he is not coming back.”
At that young age I knew that despite how bad things had been at home and judging by my familyâs current trajectory the dissolution of my parentâs marriage meant things were about to get a whole heck of a lot worse. I was terrified for myself and my siblings.
It was within this moment that I first learned how to numb fear.
I used to think courage is when you think taking an action may hurt you, but you do it anyways because it is in line with your values. It’s pushing yourself through something despite fear.
When I learned how to turn off fear I lost with it my sense of courage. How could I experience courageousness myself when I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid? Looking back now I wonder if this is part of the reason I found myself in such a mess to begin with. It makes sense – nothing I did could appropriately scare me.
I’ve always been a risk taker. I used to think it was just who I was. I needed a little something extra to get a kick out of life. Were all of these risks really just a scared child trying to get back his sense of fear?
Masking emotions allowed me to excel as a grownup. I joined the army and really found my place. Here was a place where my risk taking could be rewarded.
Trauma followed me out of my childhood and into the army. Looking back it was as if we were marching in lockstep together. After several major events I knew my psyche needed out and I released after a short but exciting three years.
The experimenting that began with alcohol in my early teens turned into a full blown addiction by my early twenties with a trip into rehab for a month. Eventually fate would land me in prison – as a correctional officer where I spent nine years of my life deep-diving into the never ending well of despair that is our criminal justice system.
Of everything that happened to me, in my childhood, the army and working at the jail, I never considered anything I did courageous. How could I. I was never afraid.
This scares me though. Writing this down, wondering how all of you are going to react. Will you accept me? Will you shun me? Will I even read it?
I feel courageous when I share with people. It excites me in a good way. Will something I say resonate? Will the words I speak ignite a feeling in you? One you haven’t felt in a while, or haven’t been able to express?
I was only able to go back to the memory of my father through years of introspection and therapy. It was through the act of recovery that I was able to see just how courageous I was. Not in that moment as a child. Not because I survived all of the perils life could throw at me. But because I could take that moment, that moment I turned off that emotion of fear, and I could have it back.
Sometimes memories can be about something that you didn’t see. Like a red convertible in the driveway. I can go back there now.
I can tell that little boy whose father just left him that everything is going to be alright, and the courageous part about my life is now I’m telling it to you.
R.B.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Have you ever pulled your car up to a stoplight and glanced over at the driver in the car beside you.  Magically, somehow they know youâre looking at them.  They stare right back. Â
Just by looking at someone, you change your relationship with them.Â
By looking at something, you change the nature of its existence.
Wayne Dyer reinforced this notion when he wrote: When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.  Â
When we look at things repeatedly through the same lens, our thoughts and feelings about them donât tend to change.  By looking at our experiences through the eyes of others, we are offered the gift of being able to see them differently.  Our world expands.
We canât change what happened to us. We can change the way we view it. Thereâs incredible power in that.Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last week was a bit of a rough one for me, and my brother, bless his heart, sent me flowers.
Touched by the gesture, I brought the flowers to work so that they could be enjoyed by all. The first client who walked in the building noticed them immediately.
âWho died?â he asked.
The second person who entered the building was someone weâve known for a while. When she saw the flowers she leaned over, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Sighing, she sat down to wait for her appointment, a serene expression on her face.
The exact same experience, but very different reactions. Proof that emotions arenât created by situations⊠rather, they are the result of how we interpret them. Itâs our thoughts that determine how we feel, not the actual events. The wonderful thing about this is that it gives us a powerful degree of control over how we experience the world.
If you want to learn more, give us a call or send a message. Weâre gathering names for out next Emotions group, starting in the near future. If youâve already taken the Emotions program, the Healthy Living course may be for you. Itâs a hands-on chance to apply all that weâve learned to our daily lives.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
