At times like this, it’s easy to feel helpless. In reality, there’s a lot that you can do to make a difference. If you feel compelled to take action, I encourage you to reach out. Let those who have lost loved ones know they are supported. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing. Just knowing you are there and thinking of them will make a difference.
Let the first responders in your community know that you appreciate them. They haven’t yet had time to emotionally process what has happened as they are busy putting themselves out there doing their best to keep us safe. There are great people doing hard work in an imperfect system. They’ve lost a loved one, some are carrying the burden of recently having to take a life, and are still expected to report to work every morning. When they come home, ask them how they are doing, not details of what they have done. Now is a time to let them know you have their back.
Do not suffer in isolation. Let people know how you feel. Take time for yourself when you are not working, and do something just to care for yourself. Look under the anger and allow yourself to be vulnerable, noticing the deeper feelings. Resist anger and hatred and connect with the deeper feelings that unite us.
Be a good listener. We want to be able to support others without judgement. Don’t try to fix them or change the way they feel, just allow them to share their experience so that they are not alone. That’s the most powerful possible intervention. Decreasing people’s sense of isolation.
Resist interpreting one horrific action as evidence that the world is unsafe and people can’t be trusted. Notice the overwhelming number of exceptions to the rule: huge numbers of unsolicited acts of kindness and solidarity.
If you would like to help support on an organizational level, consider supporting a Nova Scotia based organization that is supporting others. Many non-profit organization are struggling right now. Keep your money and support local.
If you’d like to be a part of supporting first responders and their families, join our Landing Strong Community. Word of mouth (or sharing electronically) is the most powerful way of spreading a message. Help us spread the word though “likes” sharing our posts so that people are aware of our services. We are currently enrolling participants for our Trauma and Resiliency program and our Mind-Body Health and Recovery Group. Ideally people do this work before they become injured, allowing them to stay in their jobs longer.
Thinking of you all, and wishing you a safe and supported weekend.
Warm Regards, Belinda
ps. a special thank-you to Helen Painter for creating the beautiful artwork
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
My dogs are completely ridiculous. When I come home each day, they charge towards me at top speed, so filled with glee that they can hardly contain themselves. They are so excited that they start jumping on one another in a playful Ninja manner, the little dog trying to nip the haunches of her older sister in an effort to reach me first. They quickly become a blurred black and white explosion of play and energy, forgetting the fact that they were even coming to see me.
When they are relaxed, it’s not uncommon to see them mirroring one another, their bodies unconsciously copying the posture and mood of the other. What we are witnessing is co-regulation in action. Because they are close, the mood and actions of one significantly affects the mood and actions of the other.
Co-regulation is that moment by moment interaction between the central nervous system of one person (or dog) with another.
When you laugh, I laugh with you.
When you cry, I feel the heaviness in my chest, and instinctively reach out.
Being in close proximity with one another during this COVID crisis, we can’t help but have a profound effect on those around us. Our central nervous systems are in synchronicity, constantly interacting, bouncing off one another and mirroring emotions that we may not even be aware of. How I am feeling has a huge effect on my household, and how others are feeling affects me. At this time in particular, it’s incredibly important that we are aware of the manner in which we are contributing to, or detracting from the health and well-being of those in our circle.
Co-regulation doesn’t just happen in person. It can also travel through the internet. Another person’s anger can transmit virtually. So can joy. I’m careful in deciding which news to watch, because in general, bad news sells. This morning CTV focussed on new vaccination efforts, miracle plane landings, and funny bad haircuts, and I started my day off with a smile.
I invite you to take the time to notice what you are feeling, and set an intention about the mood you want to spread to those you love. Attached is a fun exercise called “Cookie breathing” developed by Liana Lowenstein which might help. Try practicing, and see if you experience an internal shift.
Warm Regards, Belinda
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Have you ever placed a glass upside down in the sink while washing dishes? Sometimes, it gets stuck. A powerful force of suction holds it to the bottom. If you are able to pry it up, water rushes in, quickly filling the vacuum or void that was created.
Most of us are experiencing significant upheaval in our lives due to COVID-19. The hustle and bustle of daily routine is replaced by a strange new reality. Maybe you are trying to work but struggling to find a quite space to do so. Perhaps you have not been able to work or pursue your regular daily activities and find yourself stuck at home more than you would like. One of the challenges we face is knowing how to intentionally fill the time so the default isn’t just whatever happens to be close by. Hmmm, the gym is closed, so I’ll get a snack instead. You see where I’m going with this?
If we are not intentional about how we spent our time, we run the risk of the vacuum being filled by whatever happens to be around. It might be video games, Netflix marathons, excessive eating, alcohol consumption or cannabis use. Maybe you normally go out and socialize, but now you are finding yourself stuck at home.
There has never before been a better time for intentional living. What is that you might ask? It’s the idea of structuring your day so that it falls in line with your values and beliefs. It ensures you are doing what you can to feel pleased with the way you’ve spent your time.
Me, I’ve increased my creative time. I’m painting up a storm, having fun replicating beautiful patterns on rocks. I am starting a series called “Napkin prints”, copying beautiful patterns from napkins onto smooth rocks that I found at the beach. It gets me outside rock hunting, and is both relaxing and enjoyable copying beautiful pictures while listening to great tunes. Simple mindful practices such as this can go a long way towards restoring calm and a sense of order in a chaotic time. I’ve made a short video to show you, which I’ll post below. For those of you interested in learning more, we still have a few spots in our Healthy Living program, starting April 16. Instead of meeting at our office, all of our courses will be offered online, and we’ll arrange for you to have a box of supplies needed in advance. No fears, we are quarantining our supplies as we speak to ensure that they are germ free, both after we purchase them, and before sending them to you. Even though these groups are being held virtually, spaces will remain limited.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
How are you holding up? These are uncertain times indeed.
When I go to the grocery store, I like to play a game. Which line is moving the fastest? I scope out the cashiers, check out how efficient they are, how much they’re talking with their customers, and how full the carts are of the people in line ahead of me. I’m talking about the sophisticated, mathematical equation that predicts grocery-store line waiting time. Even when the lines are long, I can tolerate it if my formula predicts an acceptable outcome. In a way, I’m inserting a degree of control over a situation which might otherwise cause internal stress.
The current situation we’re facing is challenging, because there are many uncertain variables which seem to change on an hourly basis. I haven’t been able to figure out the mathematical formula that tells me when life goes back to normal. My gut feeling, is that this is going to be a long line.
I tried asking google home to set an alarm for when COVID-19 will be over, a reassuring voice informed me that the alarm was set for 7pm the next evening. If only it were so easy.
So there are many things I’m not able to control, but there are others that I know I can. I’m doing my best to create a semblance of normalcy in my daily working life. I have been able to learn to use video conferencing for counselling appointments. Not bad for an ol’ dog. It may have been stressful, but I think I’ve got it.
As for outside of work, I’m going to focus on those things I can control. Doing art, organizing my house, planting an abundant garden. I’m even thinking about trying to make crumpets from scratch.
Let’s make the best of this, we’d love to hear what fun things you’ve been doing to cope.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was a little girl, I was sure that there were monsters in the basement. I remember running full speed up the stairs, away from the dark cellar so that the monsters didn’t get me. They were huge, scary and dangerous. Avoiding it kept me afraid. Had I faced them, I would have discovered it was just the furnace making a weird noise. Slightly unsettling but not scary at all. Certainly not unmanageable.
Sometimes when we don’t want to feel something, it’s easier to compartmentalize our emotions. We run away from them so that they can’t hurt us. The problem with this is that our fear of them is usually greater than the pain they can cause us. We feed our fears by looking away. They get their power from silence and being ignored or hidden.
