It’s a time of year to remember. His story. Her story. Their story. We remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, as well as those who bear the scars of injury, either physical or internal. Every battle has a cost. On this day, we join together to pay particular attention to the lessons learned, honouring those who have fallen.
When military members come home from deployment, it is an incredibly important time for them to be supported. Romeo Dallaire has very eloquently articulated the challenge of returning from Rwanda. Following Vietnam, thousands of American soldiers returned home to a nation rocked by politics. Seeking support, many were met with criticism and judgement. Wounded by atrocities overseas, these men and women are doubly injured if they fail to receive the support they need at home. Remembrance Day is a time when we set politics aside in order to extend our gratitude to those who have served.
One of the toughest facts is that it isn’t just on the battlefield where lives are lost. In the US, twenty veterans take their lives each day. In Canada, more Afghanistan veterans have lost their lives to suicide than on the battlefield. Even those who serve at home are at risk with more than half of all military deaths taking place during training exercises. War is complicated and dangerous. Preparing for it, supporting it, and coming home even more so.
Let us remember that although the deployments or service may be over, for many the battle rages on.
We stand behind them and with them, not just on this day, but every day.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
They say courage is born on the battlefield. That may be true, but I think just as often it arises in the aftermath, when we work to face our emotions. Anyone in a service profession knows about putting a “game face” on. You know it, showing no fear even when you are about to walk into a situation that is dangerous, frightening or threatening. Joe Frazier knew it when walked into the ring to face Muhammad Ali, arguably one of the greatest boxers of all time. Ali had a total of 56 professional wins, 37 of them by knockout. So when Frazier walked in the ring, he likely knew that he had a 50% chance of being knocked unconscious. Yet he did it anyway.
Shoving our emotions aside in times of distress is important and often necessary. It allows us to remain functional. The challenge is knowing when and how to take our game face off, and look deeper to discover what it is that we are actually feeling.
In treatment groups I’ve had Special Forces Members, Police, RCMP, Firefighters, Paramedics, EOD Techs, Corrections Officers and Trauma Counsellors say the same thing. Coming to treatment was one of the hardest, but most important things they have ever done.
So perhaps courage does take many forms. The obvious ones, and the more invisible form as we all come together to regroup, recalibrating our central nervous systems, and reclaiming important aspects of self that may have been lost along the way.
In my mind, that is indeed the face of courage.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Okay, so maybe I was not perfect this week. Pretty good at work, but a bit on the grouchy side with my husband [sorry Joe]. I think something I was worried about spilled over into the home front. We talked it out, and all is good now. I’m reminded of the importance of repair. If I’ve done something thoughtless, it’s easier to allow time and distance to heal rather than having those difficult conversations. But in the spirit of Karmic correctness, it’s always better to face up to those times when we have faltered.
I heard the expression “I’m fixing my Karma” the other day, and loved it because it makes the assumption we are all works in progress. Walking, running, stumbling, and then getting back up again, dusting off, and trying to find our stride. I want to work not just on forgiveness for others, but also forgiveness for myself.
Each day, we all do our best. Perhaps that’s more than enough.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
I started reading Michelle Obama’s book Becoming this weekend, and was reminded that unless I have walked in someone’s shoes, I really have no way of knowing what they’ve been through. Michelle speaks kindly of her stern and humourless Aunt Robbie who lived on floor below Michelle’s family. If young Michelle and her brother Craig got too wound up, Aunt Robbie let them know:
Aunt Robbie would flick the light switch on our shared stairwell, controlling the lightbulb in our upstairs hallway, off and on, again and again- her polite-ish was of telling us to pipe down.
Michelle’s parents took this in stride, reminding the children that even if they didn’t know the context, they were instructed to remember that context existed.
Everyone on earth, they’d tell us, was carrying around an unseen history, and that alone deserved some tolerance.
What incredible wisdom, to remember this simple fact. If someone does something rude or thoughtless, I can assume it’s deliberate. Alternatively, I can remind myself that I don’t know what’s been happening in their day, or what kind of life they’ve had. I can tell myself that that seemingly unkind action may simply be out of context.
So the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or is rude to you in line, it may help to send a request to the universe that their day will get better. Wish them a bit of happiness in what may be a difficult day.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
I like to take Thanksgiving literally. A time for reflection, and gratitude.
The internet and news remind us that there’s a lot wrong with the world. This weekend I plan to turn it off. Instead, I want to think of the many things that I’m thankful for.
Simple things, nothing earthshattering…
A perfect latte on a cold day
The tantalizing smell of a roasting turkey
The good company of family and friends
Sun rays glistening off a water’s surface
The cry of a newborn baby
Crisp fall air and brilliantly coloured trees.
Picking perfect apples on a sunny Saturday morning.
Join me in thoughts of gratitude and plenty, Warm thoughts and Happy Thanksgiving
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
