Sometimes, difficult memories can feel like we’re living with an elephant in the room. It can be very hard to lead that elephant out, and so we might do our best to ignore him. But that big ol’ elephant is stinky and takes up a lot of space. There’s no room for anyone to get close while he’s around. He may keep us awake at night, or make us feel small. No one wants him around, yet he remains. We’ll call him shame.
Until we talk about it, nothing will change, and we will be stuck in the room with him. It’s only by opening up and talking about the hard stuff that we can clear the air.
By sharing the secrets that keep us isolated, we’re able to transform our experiences, learning to view them through a different lens. When we tell ourselves the same narrative repeatedly, nothing changes. By sharing with others, the story changes, allowing us to move forward.
This week I’m awed by the courage shown by Landing Strong group members as they address the elephant, opening the door so that he might be nudged out of the room. The result… a closely connected group of warriors, united by trust and respect, learning that maybe they aren’t so alone after all.
The thing is, most of us know what it’s like to live with an elephant. And it takes a group of strong people, working together, to clear our lives of things that don’t belong there anymore.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
In times of increased stress, we may not be able to carry our usual load with the same ease. This doesn’t mean we’re getting worse or moving backwards in our recovery. Rather, it’s a sign that we may need to adjust our approach. PTSD recovery is a gradual process. Background stress plays a significant role moderating the speed of recovery. Needless to say, there’s nothing normal about what’s going on around us. The end destination is still the same, but the way we need to get there may have changed.
By extending patience and compassion toward ourselves, we’re able to keep on track rather than getting stuck in a cycle of self-criticism.
These are hard times. You’ll get there. Know that this too shall pass.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
A few days ago I was shopping for groceries at Sobeys. A tense-faced woman was having a loud and unhappy conversation on her phone in the middle of the fruit aisle. I scooted ahead, not wanting to be part of her troubled evening. It was the end of the day, and I was enjoying the freedom of deciding what we would have for dinner that night. I didn’t want her loud voice intruding on my thoughts. It seemed no matter which aisle I went down, she was a few steps behind me, continuing her tirade. Everywhere I went, she followed.
It wasn’t until I was outside of the store that I was free of her. Somehow I knew that her conversation had no chance of going well. There was a lot of talking going on, and no listening.
Native American Elder Sa’k’ej Henderson says “To truly listen is to risk being changed forever.”
What if we were all able to unplug, and simply listen? How might the world transform in miraculous ways?
I listened to the wind this morning, and heard the promise of snow. I listened to the quavering voice of someone speaking, and heard courage. I heard someone speak of loneliness, and felt the group gather around in support.
Even if there’s nothing else I do next week, I hope to be a good listener.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
I frequently hear people worry out loud that they have lost the person they once were.
Years of repetitive trauma exposure have taken a toll, and they can no longer connect with their emotions. Perhaps the only emotions accessible are anger, anxiety or sorrow. After many years, it can be difficult to know how or what they are feeling.
The good news is it’s not really gone. Just buried deep inside.
The favourite part of my day is that wonderful moment when clients review old experiences and say,
“I never thought of it that way.”
It’s exciting, because I know they’re a step closer to saying “I never thought I’d feel that way again.”
By digging down, through the difficult, we re-discover the good. Yes, it can be down-right uncomfortable at first, but with time and repetition, we build strength and find a rhythm that allows us to persist.
I’d like to share with you a moving video of Spanish dancer Marta C. González, a former prima ballerina who suffers from Alzheimer’s. In this clip, a recording of Swan Lake transports her back to another time- to the person she used to be. Not gone, just long forgotten.
The clip was actually filmed in 2019 by Música para Despertar (Music to Wake Up To), an advocacy group for music therapy for patients who have memory loss, dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease. It was recently shared on their social media accounts.
Unlike Marta, injury from trauma is not degenerative. It’s recoverable. Take the first step with us and join our Emotions program starting in January. What better way is there to start the New Year. We encourage people to sign up in advance to avoid disappointment.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
The other week, our Identity and Transition group members were asked to focus on an insight that they have learned in their recovery process; identifying a truth that they might like to share with others who are facing similar struggles. Karalee led us on an exercise where we imagined ourselves stones thrown into a pool of water, allowing our thoughts to blend together. The voices of many arose as collective wisdom. Below is their story, woven from the theme of each person’s writing. One can’t help but notice the ripple effect of the group’s group work, the strength of one resonating and amplifying as members grow strong together.
Face your truths and own them. Find the path to make things rights. Draw on the strength of others.
You’re in charge of your clean up. Find the tools and use what you need.
Pay attention to your inner voice. It may be hard to find it, but it is there, and it knows what it needs.
Choose something different. There’s a better way.
Kick the struggle in the butt, and don’t accept defeat.
Try and try again. One day at a time. No should of’s. No would of’s. Stop Worrying.
Do things slowly at first. Your strength will flex one day. Change will come.
Continue to watch. Listen. Understand. Start again.
Take time for yourself. Be kind to yourself.
When you shine, everything else grows stronger and healthier.
Open your eyes, and you’ll be okay. Side by side in a forest of care makes you that much stronger.
Make the world what you want it to be.
And dance. There’s always music playing somewhere.
To the group members…Thank you for the gift of your insights and learnings.
Interested in joining our community? Sign up now for our Emotions program in January/Feb and Trauma and Resilience in Feb/March. Programs are filling up so join now to avoid disappointment.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
