I have a piece of wildlife art on my wall: a majestic stag, staring intensely at me from a forest glade. When I look at it, my body settles. In fact, when I’m on a break between sessions, I often sit on my couch and stare at this deer, looking at it as it looks back at me. A couple moments of mindful reflection in the blur of an otherwise busy day.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a client standing in front of this piece of art, staring at it thoughtfully. I immediately assumed it was bringing him the same joy it brought to me. When I observed him more closely, I saw a flash of pleasure dance across his face. I suddenly remembered that he was a hunter.
“You’re thinking about shooting that deer!” I proclaimed, somewhat shocked.
“No,” he said to me, grinning slyly. “I’m thinking of cooking it up over a campfire, and eating a great venison steak.”
It’s all a matter of perspective. It doesn’t matter what we’re dealing with in life, there are always many ways to look at any situation.
A snow day this week could be a headache, or cause for celebration.
Are you aware of the direction your thoughts take you? Our automatic thoughts are powerful guides in terms of how we interpret the world around us. They drive our emotions. It’s generally not a situation that causes an emotion, but rather the way we think about it that drives the feeling.
If we want to change our feelings, we have to change our thoughts. We can’t always control our environment, but we can control how we choose to think about it.
One of the most impactful ways of gaining a new perspective is to work within groups. We’re able to see ourselves, not just through our own lenses, but also through the lens of others. A carefully facilitated and safe therapeutic group provides the ideal venue.
We offer a variety of workshops and programs. Landing Strong members are welcome to join at any time. New programs are being launched on a regular basis (check out the “Programs and Workshops” tab under LandingStrong.com) We hope you’ll join us. Spoiler alert: Keep an eye out for our emotions management program, coming soon!
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
To a beach resort, where cold drinks are brought to you by the side of a pool? Or backpacking through a mountain pass, discovering tiny flower buds as they push their way through barren soil towards the sun?
Do you like things packaged, and neat? Or are you comfortable with uncertainty?
This April, I plan to escape for a week to somewhere hot where everything is done for me. Perfect.
Next Summer, I hope to backpack the rugged coast of Newfoundland with some good friends, hopping from cove to cove searching for hidden gems. I don’t know what we’ll find, but I know there will be great fun in the searching. Being connected and together is an important part of the journey.
I’ll get something different out of each trip. At the warm resort, I’ll get relaxation and catch up on my reading. On the adventure trip, I’ll probably be uncomfortable at times but learn more about myself and those around me. That’s the trip I’ll most remember. I need both, but if I don’t get out of my comfort zone I’ll stay pretty much the same.
In any journey, we have the power to decide how much risk we’re ready to take on. Increasing numbers of you are signing up for our workshops, and becoming involved with the Landing Strong community. Even after one day, we see change.
Life’s always smoother when things stay the same. It’s in our response to disruption that true growth takes place.
Take a moment to check out the workshops available this month.
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Twenty years ago I did some time in a federal penitentiary.
It’s not what you might think. I didn’t break the law. I was acting in the role of Chief Psychologist for four hundred federal male offenders. Trying to help them undo the harm they had done to others.
Truth is, there are some wrongs that simply can’t be righted, no matter how hard we try. The dead can’t come back to life, and some emotional injuries run too deep to be healed. Figuring out how to lessen the emotional impact of such loss is incredibly important, both for the victims and the perpetrators. Otherwise, there is no moving forward.
During this time I met Pierre Allard, an amazing Chaplain who has been championing the Restorative Justice movement in Canada for decades. He told me of a reconciliation group he had facilitated, where a group of offenders who had committed murder met with family members of victims of murder. The goal was for the two groups to sit in a room together, so the men who had committed the crimes could hear how the loss of a loved one had impacted the survivors. My discussion with Pierre centered not on the actual meeting, but rather, the minutes leading up to it.
The family members were brought into the room first. Many were pale and out of shape. Grief had visibly been affecting a number of them physically. Their eyes were bloodshot, rimmed by dark circles from decades of sleepless nights. They walked with slumped shoulders and shuffled gaits. Avoiding eye contact with one another, they clutched their coats tightly around themselves, despite the warmth of the room. They spoke hesitantly, their thoughts jumbled with the powerful unprocessed emotions that they were experiencing.
Then the offenders came in. They entered with straight backs and sure strides, carrying well-sculpted bodies, the result of countless hours in the weight room. They sat together with comfort and familiarity. Articulate and thoughtful, they spoke of their deep regrets and immense shame. Their clear voices were indications of having spent many years processing their feelings and experiences with professional staff within the facility.
I remembered this story recently as I witnessed the impact of trauma on the loved ones affected by it. It is not just the immediate victims who are injured. Those who love and support them are also powerfully affected. Secondary traumatization can be profound. In many ways, these people too have experienced a profound loss. They may not have been in the direct line of fire, but for many, the person who came home injured from work may not be recognizable. Years, and even decades, are spent trying to restore connection. Countless efforts are made to end the isolation that can accompany the injury of a loved one. They wait patiently, looking up a lonely road, waiting for their loved ones to return home. Soldiers in their own right, they travel a journey that is seldom discussed. Used to turning attention to the injured family member, it can be hard to know how to care for themselves.
Let’s not forget anyone on this journey. Not those who have been injured in the line of work, nor those who support them. Whether it is in the role of a spouse, partner, child or friend, we are all affected by trauma.
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
This is the question I have been asking myself recently.
I know it isn’t the many photos I see on Facebook – of smiling people doing exciting things. I know enough to understand that these pictures don’t always tell the real story.
Maybe it’s channeling my inner Marie Kondo and decluttering my home, keeping only those things that spark warm feelings…
Perhaps it’s talking to my dogs in my best birthday party voice, watching them dance gleefully on two feet just because I’m home.
Or maybe joy is something quieter…softer. Like a calm wave that washes over me after having a good cry in the presence of a compassionate friend or partner. Or being that person for someone else as we face their deepest fears together.
Maybe joy is more about connection. Not feeling like we are in this world alone. Perhaps we experience joy when we are seen, heard and understood. Maybe it’s about being our most vulnerable selves, and still feeling accepted.
Warm thoughts from the Landing Strong Team.
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Please join us in the first of our health promotion series as we welcome International Award Winning author Donna Morrissey on Feb 10 from 10 am – 3:30 pm. Enjoy a fun day of expression and creativity as you find or refine your writers voice. Watch our social media for details or email Donna directly at donnamorrissey@ns.sympatico.ca Workshop fee: $125
It’s a common question we ask ourselves, particularly during periods of change or transition. After years of service, taking off the uniform can mean a stripping of identity. “Who am I behind the uniform?” you may wonder.
Growing up, I dreamed of changing the world, somehow making it a kinder, gentler place. The older I grew, the more I understood this was not so simple. Today, my aspirations are more humble. Every night as I lay my head on my pillow, instead of judging whether I changed the world, I simply ask myself the following:
“Have I had a heartfelt discussion with someone today and felt a meaningful connection? Have I been a good person today?” If the answer is yes, then I sleep well. If not, then I‘m motivated to do something about it. It’s my belief that a series of meaningful connections leads to a mountain of change, and a whole lot of purpose.
So when you look in the mirror and wonder if you’re making a difference, I challenge you to ask yourself the simple questions. It’s my sense that the meaning and purpose will follow.
Warm wishes from the entire Landing Strong Team,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
