When we run programs at Landing Strong, we spend quite a bit of time discussing how to create an environment that feels comfortable and safe. Participants tell me that itâs not uncommon to walk into a community coffee group where theyâre initially having a good time, only to have the mood shift once the subject of politics comes up. Suddenly the tone is angry and loud. Instead of ideas and insights forming the discussion, hard opinions become the propulsion for discussion. Listening decreases as each person fixates on ensuring their âtruthâ is heard.
When this happens, I know itâs just a matter of time until the conversation shuts down, and the potential for insights and wisdom arising from the discussion are lost.
Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings, writes Cheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, is an acquired skill. Itâs that wonderful balance between appropriateness and authenticity.
In her book Lean In, Sandberg notes âWhen communicating hard truths, less is moreâŠThe ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.â
What if we all made it our mission to seek to understand the opinions of others, without needing to be right? How would the world change? We may disagree with what we hear, but at least by listening we are inviting an opportunity for dialogue. Sowing the seeds of change. If we are able to shift our focus from being heard, to accepting the uniqueness of each personâs truth, the discussion becomes richer.
I have to admit, I donât always master this art. But I try.
Please join me in noticing the tone and manner in which we communicate with others. Is it inviting or overbearing? Welcoming or deflective?
As Sandberg confirms, being aware of the problem is the first step to correcting it.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Have I ever mentioned how much I love homemade chocolate chip cookies? Something deep within me settles as the familiar aroma of fresh baked goodness wafts through my kitchen. The simple routine of baking offers me reassurance that all will be okay.
Although routines can be comforting, never straying from them has consequences. Just because old habits make me feel good doesnât mean theyâre always good for me. I love that there are things in life that are a sure bet, but at the same time, realize that taking risks is part of moving forward.
Iâve taken a lot of risks lately. Iâll admit it, it has not been easy. It would definitely have been simpler and easier to stay in a place that’s old and familiar.
So why do it you might ask? Why challenge myself when I could simply sit at home baking cookies and watching Netflix?
Truth is, I believe thereâs something big around the corner. Something wonderful thatâs worth the journey. Weâre not quite there yet, but weâre getting there. You and me and the Landing Strong Team.
How incredible that we allow ourselves to venture into that new place together.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
As I sit here in the warmth of my kitchen, smelling the sweet aroma of baking granola, I feel particularly grateful to be inside while the elements rage outside. Snow day, what wonderful words. All the busyness of life comes to a screeching halt as I hunker down for a good olâ time of doing nothinâ.
It feels strangely calming simply standing still in time. Many people may be stressing about the elements they canât control in their life today: appointments they canât make; places they canât get to; children who are stuck at home. Although I have a lot of things I was hoping to do today, probably the most important thing I can do is recognize and accept what I canât control. Make the best of it. Iâm talking about the art of letting go.
This snow day situation is perhaps a parallel of what many of you are facing every day in your lives: loss of the ability to do your job or participate in activities that you enjoy and are accustomed to. Over the years, Iâve come to learn that the people who recover from trauma the fastest are generally those who acknowledge that it is a process that canât be rushed. They are patient with themselves. Those who push themselves to get better faster take longer to recover. By focusing on the things that we can control and letting go of those we canât, weâre honouring the process of recovery.
For those of you who didnât get to stay home during this bad weather (perhaps your jobs involve going out in these conditions to help others), I thank you. For it is your actions that keep us all safe.
Be warm, be safe,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
I attended a marketing workshop recently and learned a marketing golden rule: âNever put yourself out there on social media when you are in the midst of a meltdown.â Vulnerability is fine, but not a full on meltdown. What an excellent piece of advice. Can I promise that I wonder? I have made a commitment to be as authentic as possible to members of our community. To me, that involves the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I want you to show up, however you may be feeling or looking, without the need to act fine. On most days, Iâm doing well. Occasionally, Iâm not so well. I think itâs called being human. I like to call mistakes my âhuman moments,â proof that I am still alive.
Who am I? Sometimes I wonder. Am I the image that I am supposed to put out there on social media, happy and full of sparkle and life? Or am I the bedhead who wakes up reluctantly at 6:00 am, muscles sore, hauling my sorry self out in the rain to walk my dogs. I notice they love me no matter how I show up. If you take off the uniform, who are you? Are you still the same person? Maybe that question isnât so easy.
Letâs agree to make no promises, but simply to show up. Be the best version of ourselves that we are able to be on any given day. For me, thatâs enough. Some days it will be glamorous, on other days, maybe ugly. But itâs all good.
