Even before it officially arrived, we felt the effects of Hurricane Dorian. Bayer’s Lake shopping Centre was jammed full of cars, with people honking at each other in a manner that was distinctly un-Nova Scotian. Long lines formed at grocery stores and gas stations, and shoppers scurried about frenetically. A province where people usually hold the doors open for one another, on Friday they rushed through, allowing doors to slam shut behind them. A woman I recently met described the rising anxiety she felt at the thought of being without power. During Hurricane Juan in 2003, she went 14 days in the dark. There were many indications that this was a province that has previously suffered the devastating effects of a hurricane.
Although kids were thrilled at the cancellation of school, many of us struggled with the clean-up and aftereffects of Dorian. Communities bonded with one another, checking to see if everyone was okay. Even while I send this note out, many of you in rural areas are still waiting for power. Personally, I received a few free skylights in my roof and the removal of my porch, no charge, courtesy of Dorian. Although we are grateful that we suffered nothing close to the devastation of our friends in Bahamas, many people worked very long hours this week in order to help restore order and comfort to our lives. A special thanks to those police, firefighters, first responders, volunteer tree removers and Hydro workers who put in very long days on our behalf. I spoke with Rod, from Hydro Nova Scotia. He showed up at our house at 6:30 Sunday am to cap off loose wires and then again on Wednesday night at 10:00 pm to help restore power. His team had been working 6:00 am until 10:00 pm all week.
The effects of trauma are multi layered. Experiences from the past colour the lens through which we view our present. This recent event reminded me of that. So if you notice people being a bit less happy, comfortable, or patient than usual, let’s cut them some slack. They may have lost their crops, still be in the dark, be figuring out how to repair their cars or homes, or possibly, be struggling to regroup after being reminded of the aftereffects of Hurricane Juan.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last weekend, I took some time to sit on our cottage deck, soaking in the last few rays of summer. There’s always something a bit sad about Labour Day weekend. Like all good things, summer must come to an end. Joe and I enjoyed some bruschetta, made with tomatoes purchased at the local farmer’s market and basil harvested from our garden. We took the time to savour the rich flavour of the food in front of us, enjoying the stillness of the lake and the calmness of the moment.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life, forgetting to slow down and savour the colours, smells and textures around us. Autumn is a particularly good time for this. I invite you to take photos of the natural beauty around you. Capture a shot of something that settles you: something that bring you peace. Take a moment to write a line about what makes it special and send it to Mackenzie at mseagram@landingstrong.com.
Let us know if you’d like to remain anonymous or if we can acknowledge your first name and we’ll share your inspirations on our social media channels.
Many hearts beating together make us stronger.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
“I’m tired of feeling bad about myself. How can I learn to feel better?”
It’s a great question, and is likely a challenge that has faced us all at some point in our lives.
Personally, I think low self-esteem is the result of high expectations.
We’re all good at some things, and not so good at others.
Low self-esteem happens when we think we should be good at everything.
Those of you who struggle with addictions likely can relate. Addictions aren’t the result of expecting too little. It’s usually about expecting too much and feeling frustrated with ourselves when we don’t measure up.
So my word for the week is compassion.
Are you able to take a moment to appreciate those things you do well?
Try practicing compassion with yourself in those areas that you’re not strong at. No one gets better when they are being yelled at. Our inner critic can have the loudest and most disabling voice of all.
You may know that you love deeply, and care deeply, but not actually know how to communicate that to others. Instead of focussing on those things we can’t do, and feeling badly, I encourage you to notice your areas of strength, building on them so you have the confidence to work on those things that are still “in development.”
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
It’s a phrase I hear quite often, usually by people who’ve had harmful experiences that left them feeling disillusioned or hurt.
It’s natural to build walls to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. The problem is, trust is often described in black and white terms: it’s there or it isn’t.
In reality, I see trust as having many dimensions. Let’s think about it for a moment. If we were facing a zombie apocalypse, who would you most want by your side? Is it the same person who you’d hire to care for your children or grandchildren? Probably not. Mary Poppins and Van Diesel definitely fall into different categories of trust. Trusting someone with your physical safety needs is different that trusting them to care for your children.
I trust my husband Joe implicitly, but he might not be my first choice when it comes to decorating cupcakes (flashback to our wedding where we decorated our own bride and groom cakes. Joe’s cake consisted of a war scene with Tonka tanks, explosions and GI Joe parachuting down into the middle). Yeah…I definitely don’t trust my husband when it comes to decorating cakes… but, I do trust him to be there for me when it comes to the really important stuff.
I like to think of trust as a three dimensional star with many prongs. I can trust some people along many dimensions, others along only a few. That’s okay, as long as I don’t trust people in areas that aren’t their strength.
So if you catch yourself thinking “people can’t be trusted,” try looking for exceptions in this “all or nothing” thinking pattern. It may be there are some things they do well. See what happens if you modify your expectations accordingly.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Those of you who have signed up for careers in the military or as first responders understand what it means to be dedicated to a life of service. Family members also become part of this commitment, making sacrifices so that others may be safe.
I was speaking with a law enforcement officer today who described the “thin blue line” that has become synonymous with the police line of duty. The black space above the line commonly represents society, order and peace, while the black space below, crime, anarchy and chaos. It’s a thin blue line (police) that runs between the two, keeping society protected. Uniforms often reflect the thin blue line, or variations of it. Although the stripe on your uniform may be a different colour, the unifying theme is the commitment to service and duty.
I’m often struck how deep and automatic the dedication to service runs: putting oneself in harm’s way so that others might be protected. Even after long careers, veterans often search for ways to “give back” or be “of service” to their communities. Many people describe repeatedly volunteering for horrific duties so that others won’t have to. Whether it’s volunteering to assist with the Swissair disaster, responded to a fatal house fire, working daily with gangs, investigating homicides, or being first at the scene after a horrific car accident, someone always steps forward, putting themselves at risk so that their friends, colleagues, and community, may be protected. As you well know, this is not without a toll. Not feeling the injury while at work doesn’t mean that a deep-seeded pain isn’t there.
What happens when the uniform comes off?
Whether it’s at the end of a long shift, during a break following injury, or after a long career, knowing how to care for oneself is not always simple. I often hear people talk about “becoming the job.” Family members fret that their loved ones no longer feel the same.
It’s for this reason we are launching our new program Identity and Transition: discovering who you are when the uniform comes off. Whether you’re on active duty, in transition, or retired. This course is for you. If you’re not yet ready to sign up for the program, we hope that you’ll follow our online resources related to this important topic.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
