Itâs been a challenging week to say the least.  I look out the window waiting for the sunshine and warmth to come out while listening to the ghastly news stories unfold.  An unspeakable sadness and heartache has enveloped our province following the mass shooting last weekend. Certainly the COVID-19 backdrop complicates things further.  Those of us working in first responder roles and helping professions face a double challenge: We take care of the needs of others at work, and then return home where we continue to be immersed in the emotional wake of what has happened.   With most of us working from home, the usual separation between family life and work life no longer exists.
Like many, I sometimes wake up in the night, processing recent events. Once Iâm able to push beyond the shock and horror of the situation, I find myself contemplating the qualities that make Nova Scotianâs particularly well equipped to survive this.  I find these thought reassuring, and thought Iâd take a moment to share them with you:  1.We take care of one another Nova Scotia has its cities, but for the most part, we are a series of connected villages and towns.  We value our neighbours, and our impulse during hardship is to reach out and care for one another.  Yesterday at the end of the working day I found a bottle of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice sitting on my step.  No note, just the gift. Our family sat around the dinner table trying to figure out who it came from.  We honestly didnât know, as we were aware it could be from one of many neighbours or people in our community.  A text later in the day identified the giver (thanks Monica). Thatâs Nova Scotia for you. Acts of kindness are the norm, not the exception.  2.We are welcoming I have lived in this province for twelve years.  Like many, I came from away.  Despite that, when I first moved here, I was struck by how immediately it felt like home. People welcomed me like family.  Even those who were born here often have to travel elsewhere for work.  We have a disproportionate percentage of military members living in this province relative to the rest of the country, many who have lived throughout Canada (and the world).  Our RCMP members are accustomed to moving.  Out of necessity, weâve learned how to get comfortable and acquainted quickly.  We know how to throw a kitchen party, and we know how to come together, despite restrictions of physical distancing.  3.We are compassionate Everyone has their own unique response to this tragedy.  I have heard many people use the word âguttedâ so deep is their loss. Anger is a common response, yet the bigger reaction is love and compassion.  Itâs astonishing how many people have chosen hearts (not hatred) to symbolize their response to the tragedy. We speak lovingly and appreciatively of the contribution of community members whose lives were lost, paying little heed to he who shall not be named.  4.We are problem solvers In the past I have spoken with people who work âaway.â Out West on the oil rigs, or overseas on deployment.  I consistently hear feedback that employers or military leaders love people from the Maritimes.  When faced with a challenge, such as a broken machine, Nova Scotians donât tend to sit back and wait for the part.  They are famous for âMacGuiveringâ and adapting to overcome obstacles.  Probably an offshoot of learning to make do during times of scarcity.   5.We are resourceful During this COVID pandemic, Iâm struck by the number of people who have planted gardens.  Anticipating the possibility of scarcity, we plan ahead, ensure we will have enough produce not just for ourselves, but also for our neighbours.  Iâve learned that if you save the stalk of a romaine lettuce and plant it in water, a new head will grow.  My window ledge is filled with lush romaine heads, pushing their way to health, oblivious of the challenges around them.  In our house, we laughingly refer to this as the rise of our Romaine Empire. A symbol, I think, of resilience.  6.We never lose our sense of humour Even when weâre down, we know how to laugh. My Romaine Empire is destined to join the other vegetables Iâve grown from seed in what I jokingly refer to as my âDoomsday Garden.â  Our neighbour recently posted a hilarious video of himself going to work in the morning suit and tie on, leaving the back door and entering his house from the side, greeting his family as though they were co-workers.  Even when the chips are down, weâre there for one another with a smile and words of encouragement.  7.We recognize our strength comes from community We have two programs currently running: Emotions Management and Healthy Living.  In both of these groups, we had the chance to process our feelings regarding the hardships and losses of the recent tragedy. Some of our first responder group members are still active duty and were immediately involved.  Many people knew Heidi Stevenson on a person level.  Others were friends or coworkers of community members who lost their lives. Weâre a small province with very few degrees of separation.  As people summoned the courage to share their experiences, we felt the divide that separated us lessen.  There was recognition that we were all in the shit together.  No-one had to save or fix anyone, we were just able to make space, without judgement, witnessing and supporting one another.  8.We are action oriented. Many of us are current or former first responders, helping professions or caregivers.  In times of hardship, our immediate impulse is to be operational, setting aside our personal needs in service of others.  Many active duty first responders I work with had to cancel their personal appointments this week as they are busy responding to the needs of others.  They have been coming in proactively, doing resiliency building work to protect themselves against the repeated effects of workplace trauma exposure.  They know to take action to stay healthy. For those who cannot be operational, they know the solution lies in being relationalâŠreaching out and connecting with one another.Â
At times like this, it’s easy to feel helpless. In reality, there’s a lot that you can do to make a difference. If you feel compelled to take action, I encourage you to reach out. Let those who have lost loved ones know they are supported. Donât worry about saying the wrong thing. Just knowing you are there and thinking of them will make a difference.
Let the first responders in your community know that you appreciate them. They havenât yet had time to emotionally process what has happened as they are busy putting themselves out there doing their best to keep us safe. There are great people doing hard work in an imperfect system. Theyâve lost a loved one, some are carrying the burden of recently having to take a life, and are still expected to report to work every morning. When they come home, ask them how they are doing, not details of what they have done. Now is a time to let them know you have their back.
Do not suffer in isolation. Let people know how you feel. Take time for yourself when you are not working, and do something just to care for yourself. Look under the anger and allow yourself to be vulnerable, noticing the deeper feelings. Resist anger and hatred and connect with the deeper feelings that unite us.
Be a good listener. We want to be able to support others without judgement. Donât try to fix them or change the way they feel, just allow them to share their experience so that they are not alone. Thatâs the most powerful possible intervention. Decreasing peopleâs sense of isolation.
Resist interpreting one horrific action as evidence that the world is unsafe and people canât be trusted. Notice the overwhelming number of exceptions to the rule: huge numbers of unsolicited acts of kindness and solidarity.
If you would like to help support on an organizational level, consider supporting a Nova Scotia based organization that is supporting others. Many non-profit organization are struggling right now. Keep your money and support local.
If youâd like to be a part of supporting first responders and their families, join our Landing Strong Community. Word of mouth (or sharing electronically) is the most powerful way of spreading a message. Help us spread the word though âlikesâ sharing our posts so that people are aware of our services. We are currently enrolling participants for our Trauma and Resiliency program and our Mind-Body Health and Recovery Group. Ideally people do this work before they become injured, allowing them to stay in their jobs longer.
Thinking of you all, and wishing you a safe and supported weekend.
Warm Regards, Belinda
ps. a special thank-you to Helen Painter for creating the beautiful artwork
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
My dogs are completely ridiculous.  When I come home each day, they charge towards me at top speed, so filled with glee that they can hardly contain themselves.  They are so excited that they start jumping on one another in a playful Ninja manner, the little dog trying to nip the haunches of her older sister in an effort to reach me first.  They quickly become a blurred black and white explosion of play and energy, forgetting the fact that they were even coming to see me.Â
When they are relaxed, itâs not uncommon to see them mirroring one another, their bodies unconsciously copying the posture and mood of the other.  What we are witnessing is co-regulation in action.  Because they are close, the mood and actions of one significantly affects the mood and actions of the other.
Co-regulation is that moment by moment interaction between the central nervous system of one person (or dog) with another. Â
When you laugh, I laugh with you. Â
When you cry, I feel the heaviness in my chest, and instinctively reach out.
Being in close proximity with one another during this COVID crisis, we canât help but have a profound effect on those around us.  Our central nervous systems are in synchronicity, constantly interacting, bouncing off one another and mirroring emotions that we may not even be aware of.  How I am feeling has a huge effect on my household, and how others are feeling affects me.  At this time in particular, itâs incredibly important that we are aware of the manner in which we are contributing to, or detracting from the health and well-being of those in our circle.
Co-regulation doesnât just happen in person.  It can also travel through the internet.  Another personâs anger can transmit virtually.  So can joy.  Iâm careful in deciding which news to watch, because in general, bad news sells.  This morning CTV focussed on new vaccination efforts, miracle plane landings, and funny bad haircuts, and I started my day off with a smile.
I invite you to take the time to notice what you are feeling, and set an intention about the mood you want to spread to those you love.  Attached is a fun exercise called âCookie breathingâ developed by Liana Lowenstein which might help.  Try practicing, and see if you experience an internal shift.
Warm Regards, Belinda
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Have you ever placed a glass upside down in the sink while washing dishes?  Sometimes, it gets stuck.  A powerful force of suction holds it to the bottom.  If you are able to pry it up, water rushes in, quickly filling the vacuum or void that was created.
Most of us are experiencing significant upheaval in our lives due to COVID-19.  The hustle and bustle of daily routine is replaced by a strange new reality.  Maybe you are trying to work but struggling to find a quite space to do so.  Perhaps you have not been able to work or pursue your regular daily activities and find yourself stuck at home more than you would like.  One of the challenges we face is knowing how to intentionally fill the time so the default isnât just whatever happens to be close by.  Hmmm, the gym is closed, so Iâll get a snack instead.  You see where Iâm going with this?
If we are not intentional about how we spent our time, we run the risk of the vacuum being filled by whatever happens to be around.  It might be video games, Netflix marathons, excessive eating, alcohol consumption or cannabis use. Maybe you normally go out and socialize, but now you are finding yourself stuck at home.    Â
There has never before been a better time for intentional living.  What is that you might ask?  Itâs the idea of structuring your day so that it falls in line with your values and beliefs.  It ensures you are doing what you can to feel pleased with the way youâve spent your time.
Me, Iâve increased my creative time.  Iâm painting up a storm, having fun replicating beautiful patterns on rocks.  I am starting a series called âNapkin printsâ, copying beautiful patterns from napkins onto smooth rocks that I found at the beach. It gets me outside rock hunting, and is both relaxing and enjoyable copying beautiful pictures while listening to great tunes. Simple mindful practices such as this can go a long way towards restoring calm and a sense of order in a chaotic time.  Iâve made a short video to show you, which I’ll post below.  For those of you interested in learning more, we still have a few spots in our Healthy Living program, starting April 16.  Instead of meeting at our office, all of our courses will be offered online, and weâll arrange for you to have a box of supplies needed in advance.  No fears, we are quarantining our supplies as we speak to ensure that they are germ free, both after we purchase them, and before sending them to you.  Even though these groups are being held virtually, spaces will remain limited.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
How are you holding up?  These are uncertain times indeed.   When I go to the grocery store, I like to play a game.  Which line is moving the fastest?  I scope out the cashiers, check out how efficient they are, how much theyâre talking with their customers, and how full the carts are of the people in line ahead of me.  Iâm talking about the sophisticated, mathematical equation that predicts grocery-store line waiting time.  Even when the lines are long, I can tolerate it if my formula predicts an acceptable outcome.  In a way, Iâm inserting a degree of control over a situation which might otherwise cause internal stress.   The current situation weâre facing is challenging, because there are many uncertain variables which seem to change on an hourly basis.  I havenât been able to figure out the mathematical formula that tells me when life goes back to normal.  My gut feeling, is that this is going to be a long line.   I tried asking google home to set an alarm for when COVID-19 will be over, a reassuring voice informed me that the alarm was set for 7pm the next evening.  If only it were so easy.   So there are many things Iâm not able to control, but there are others that I know I can.  Iâm doing my best to create a semblance of normalcy in my daily working life.  I have been able to learn to use video conferencing for counselling appointments.  Not bad for an olâ dog.  It may have been stressful, but I think Iâve got it.   As for outside of work, Iâm going to focus on those things I can control.  Doing art, organizing my house, planting an abundant garden.  Iâm even thinking about trying to make crumpets from scratch.  Letâs make the best of this, weâd love to hear what fun things youâve been doing to cope.Â
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was a little girl, I was sure that there were monsters in the basement. I remember running full speed up the stairs, away from the dark cellar so that the monsters didnât get me. They were huge, scary and dangerous. Avoiding it kept me afraid. Had I faced them, I would have discovered it was just the furnace making a weird noise. Slightly unsettling but not scary at all. Certainly not unmanageable.
Sometimes when we donât want to feel something, itâs easier to compartmentalize our emotions. We run away from them so that they canât hurt us. The problem with this is that our fear of them is usually greater than the pain they can cause us. We feed our fears by looking away. They get their power from silence and being ignored or hidden.
Apparently thereâs a toilet paper shortage in Nova Scotia. When under stress, we run the risk of going into survival mode, taking care of ourselves while losing sight of the larger picture. If I run out and buy a monthâs worth of toilet paper tonight, chances are the old man who lives down the road who has run out will get none.
Thatâs the difference between community thinking and individual survival.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together – African Proverb
Most civilians are not trained to work in high risk emergency situations. Itâs times like this that we truly appreciate those who are trained in risk management and emergency response. They specialize in big picture thinking, operating from a position of prevention, resource and risk-management, and de-escalation.
A large percentage of police work, for example, involves talking to people while calming volatile situationsâŠ
Step away from the toilet paper MaâamâŠ
Ultimately, we all do better when we approach any situation from the perspective of the needs of the group. A panic response to stress might be a natural human instinct or response. Learning how to cope with these instincts allows us to connect with our community in a supportive and meaningful way.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was young, my parents would take me and my three siblings on road trips to visit the East Coast. We loved exploring Nova Scotiaâs beaches and would spend hours looking for âbeach treasuresâ that had been left behind by the tide. Itâs a long drive from Toronto, and eager to start our holiday, we tried to make the trip with as few detours as possible.
On one of these trips, we were on a remote road in Nova Scotia when my younger sister complained of feeling nauseous.
âAre we there yet?â she asked, holding her belly.
If we were smart, we would have pulled over quickly. Unfortunately, we didnât. Minutes later, all I can say is that we all got an unpleasant lesson in wind velocity and splatter patterns.
Had we paced ourselves better, this likely couldâve been avoided. Taking needed breaks is very important, even though it makes the trip a bit longer.
I recently spoke to my good friend Finka about pacing myself at work, and I was wondering aloud about when Iâd know when Iâd âarrivedâ. At what point would I get that sense of accomplishment that the job was done, and I could take my foot off the gas for a while and not have a never ending âto doâ list in my head.
âAh, thatâs the myth,â she smiled wryly, âIt doesnât matter how successful you are, in any business, each success brings more challenges. Challenge is the one thing thatâs constantâ
I thought long and hard about this. Iâve been operating on the principle that one day, I will arrive. My job will be done. I realize now that life simply isnât like that. The more I do, the more I open the possibility for more to be done.
So what if recovery is like that? Itâs a steady stream of building, growing and understanding. Each day we evolve into a better version of ourselves, whether we have PTSD or not. If thatâs the case, the need for pacing becomes incredibly important. Maybe the point is not arriving, but the journey itself. Iâll need to be sure to stop and enjoy the view, taking a breather when needed.
What if we remind ourselves to take those precious moment to appreciate the little things. Thoughtful interactions, humorous moments, small victories. These are indeed the stuff life is made of.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itâs not uncommon to hear people say that thereâs no recovery from PTSD.
Well, in my mind, thatâs simply not the case.
It’s true that you’ll never go back to being exactly the same person you were before you were injured. But when you think about it, how many of us are ever the same as we used to be? As we learn and grow in life, we canât help but grow from our experiences. What Iâm referring to is post traumatic growth.
Sure, life might have been easier if I hadnât logged seven years working in one of Canadaâs largest penitentiaries. I might not have been injured. But then I wouldnât be the person I am today, and Iâm kinda liking her.
Donât know about you but I certainly donât want to go back to being my high school self (although the flare jeans with Canada flag inserts were quite fetching).
I definitely do not want to relive the angst of my twenties.
I may have a few more bumps, and scars on me now, but they serve as a testament to the fact that I have truly lived. I have a massive scar across my right knee that I got while building a school in Tanzania. Iâm proud of it, and in no way want to erase that experience.
If I work too hard my muscles flare up – reminders of the need to pace myself better. Areas where I have previously been injured will always be vulnerable during times of stress. They serve as my personal barometers for health. I thank these symptoms for gently reminding me when Iâm not paying close enough attention to my needs or limits.
I guess Iâm saying that I work hard each day to keep the superwoman cape in the closet. Itâs not easy because it feels oh so comfortable. I try to simply focus on having a good day, going to bed at night feeling satisfied with whatever small thing I might have been able to accomplish.
So, itâs true, you will never be the same person you were before. It is possible, though, to become someone capable of living a rich and full life, wiser for all the things you have experienced.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last week was a bit of a rough one for me, and my brother, bless his heart, sent me flowers.
Touched by the gesture, I brought the flowers to work so that they could be enjoyed by all. The first client who walked in the building noticed them immediately.
âWho died?â he asked.
The second person who entered the building was someone weâve known for a while. When she saw the flowers she leaned over, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Sighing, she sat down to wait for her appointment, a serene expression on her face.
The exact same experience, but very different reactions. Proof that emotions arenât created by situations⊠rather, they are the result of how we interpret them. Itâs our thoughts that determine how we feel, not the actual events. The wonderful thing about this is that it gives us a powerful degree of control over how we experience the world.
If you want to learn more, give us a call or send a message. Weâre gathering names for out next Emotions group, starting in the near future. If youâve already taken the Emotions program, the Healthy Living course may be for you. Itâs a hands-on chance to apply all that weâve learned to our daily lives.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
