How are you holding up?Ā Ā These are uncertain times indeed.Ā Ā Ā When I go to the grocery store, I like to play a game.Ā Ā Which line is moving the fastest?Ā Ā I scope out the cashiers, check out how efficient they are, how much theyāre talking with their customers, and how full the carts are of the people in line ahead of me.Ā Ā Iām talking about the sophisticated, mathematical equation that predicts grocery-store line waiting time.Ā Ā Even when the lines are long, I can tolerate it if my formula predicts an acceptable outcome.Ā Ā In a way, Iām inserting a degree of control over a situation which might otherwise cause internal stress.Ā Ā Ā The current situation weāre facing is challenging, because there are many uncertain variables which seem to change on an hourly basis.Ā Ā I havenāt been able to figure out the mathematical formula that tells me when life goes back to normal.Ā Ā My gut feeling, is that this is going to be a long line.Ā Ā Ā I tried asking google home to set an alarm for when COVID-19 will be over, a reassuring voice informed me that the alarm was set for 7pm the next evening.Ā Ā If only it were so easy.Ā Ā Ā So there are many things Iām not able to control, but there are others that I know I can.Ā Ā Iām doing my best to create a semblance of normalcy in my daily working life.Ā Ā I have been able to learn to use video conferencing for counselling appointments.Ā Ā Not bad for an olā dog.Ā Ā It may have been stressful, but I think Iāve got it.Ā Ā Ā As for outside of work, Iām going to focus on those things I can control.Ā Ā Doing art, organizing my house, planting an abundant garden.Ā Ā Iām even thinking about trying to make crumpets from scratch. Ā Letās make the best of this, weād love to hear what fun things youāve been doing to cope.Ā
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was a little girl, I was sure that there were monsters in the basement. I remember running full speed up the stairs, away from the dark cellar so that the monsters didnāt get me. They were huge, scary and dangerous. Avoiding it kept me afraid. Had I faced them, I would have discovered it was just the furnace making a weird noise. Slightly unsettling but not scary at all. Certainly not unmanageable.
Sometimes when we donāt want to feel something, itās easier to compartmentalize our emotions. We run away from them so that they canāt hurt us. The problem with this is that our fear of them is usually greater than the pain they can cause us. We feed our fears by looking away. They get their power from silence and being ignored or hidden.
Apparently thereās a toilet paper shortage in Nova Scotia. When under stress, we run the risk of going into survival mode, taking care of ourselves while losing sight of the larger picture. If I run out and buy a monthās worth of toilet paper tonight, chances are the old man who lives down the road who has run out will get none.
Thatās the difference between community thinking and individual survival.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together – African Proverb
Most civilians are not trained to work in high risk emergency situations. Itās times like this that we truly appreciate those who are trained in risk management and emergency response. They specialize in big picture thinking, operating from a position of prevention, resource and risk-management, and de-escalation.
A large percentage of police work, for example, involves talking to people while calming volatile situationsā¦
Step away from the toilet paper Maāamā¦
Ultimately, we all do better when we approach any situation from the perspective of the needs of the group. A panic response to stress might be a natural human instinct or response. Learning how to cope with these instincts allows us to connect with our community in a supportive and meaningful way.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was young, my parents would take me and my three siblings on road trips to visit the East Coast. We loved exploring Nova Scotiaās beaches and would spend hours looking for ābeach treasuresā that had been left behind by the tide. Itās a long drive from Toronto, and eager to start our holiday, we tried to make the trip with as few detours as possible.
On one of these trips, we were on a remote road in Nova Scotia when my younger sister complained of feeling nauseous.
āAre we there yet?ā she asked, holding her belly.
If we were smart, we would have pulled over quickly. Unfortunately, we didnāt. Minutes later, all I can say is that we all got an unpleasant lesson in wind velocity and splatter patterns.
Had we paced ourselves better, this likely couldāve been avoided. Taking needed breaks is very important, even though it makes the trip a bit longer.
I recently spoke to my good friend Finka about pacing myself at work, and I was wondering aloud about when Iād know when Iād āarrivedā. At what point would I get that sense of accomplishment that the job was done, and I could take my foot off the gas for a while and not have a never ending āto doā list in my head.
āAh, thatās the myth,ā she smiled wryly, āIt doesnāt matter how successful you are, in any business, each success brings more challenges. Challenge is the one thing thatās constantā
I thought long and hard about this. Iāve been operating on the principle that one day, I will arrive. My job will be done. I realize now that life simply isnāt like that. The more I do, the more I open the possibility for more to be done.
So what if recovery is like that? Itās a steady stream of building, growing and understanding. Each day we evolve into a better version of ourselves, whether we have PTSD or not. If thatās the case, the need for pacing becomes incredibly important. Maybe the point is not arriving, but the journey itself. Iāll need to be sure to stop and enjoy the view, taking a breather when needed.
What if we remind ourselves to take those precious moment to appreciate the little things. Thoughtful interactions, humorous moments, small victories. These are indeed the stuff life is made of.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itās not uncommon to hear people say that thereās no recovery from PTSD.
Well, in my mind, thatās simply not the case.
It’s true that you’ll never go back to being exactly the same person you were before you were injured. But when you think about it, how many of us are ever the same as we used to be? As we learn and grow in life, we canāt help but grow from our experiences. What Iām referring to is post traumatic growth.
Sure, life might have been easier if I hadnāt logged seven years working in one of Canadaās largest penitentiaries. I might not have been injured. But then I wouldnāt be the person I am today, and Iām kinda liking her.
Donāt know about you but I certainly donāt want to go back to being my high school self (although the flare jeans with Canada flag inserts were quite fetching).
I definitely do not want to relive the angst of my twenties.
I may have a few more bumps, and scars on me now, but they serve as a testament to the fact that I have truly lived. I have a massive scar across my right knee that I got while building a school in Tanzania. Iām proud of it, and in no way want to erase that experience.
If I work too hard my muscles flare up – reminders of the need to pace myself better. Areas where I have previously been injured will always be vulnerable during times of stress. They serve as my personal barometers for health. I thank these symptoms for gently reminding me when Iām not paying close enough attention to my needs or limits.
I guess Iām saying that I work hard each day to keep the superwoman cape in the closet. Itās not easy because it feels oh so comfortable. I try to simply focus on having a good day, going to bed at night feeling satisfied with whatever small thing I might have been able to accomplish.
So, itās true, you will never be the same person you were before. It is possible, though, to become someone capable of living a rich and full life, wiser for all the things you have experienced.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last week was a bit of a rough one for me, and my brother, bless his heart, sent me flowers.
Touched by the gesture, I brought the flowers to work so that they could be enjoyed by all. The first client who walked in the building noticed them immediately.
āWho died?ā he asked.
The second person who entered the building was someone weāve known for a while. When she saw the flowers she leaned over, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Sighing, she sat down to wait for her appointment, a serene expression on her face.
The exact same experience, but very different reactions. Proof that emotions arenāt created by situationsā¦ rather, they are the result of how we interpret them. Itās our thoughts that determine how we feel, not the actual events. The wonderful thing about this is that it gives us a powerful degree of control over how we experience the world.
If you want to learn more, give us a call or send a message. Weāre gathering names for out next Emotions group, starting in the near future. If youāve already taken the Emotions program, the Healthy Living course may be for you. Itās a hands-on chance to apply all that weāve learned to our daily lives.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Letās face it, PTSD is a label. Having a diagnosis can be very helpful as it allows clients to access appropriate resources and supports. However, it doesnāt accurately reflect the experience of recovering from trauma.
When healthy people are repeatedly exposed to traumatic and dangerous situations, itās normal that thereās a residual effect. Like an athlete that runs too many marathons without enough recovery time, injuries are sustained that can be lingering or career-threatening.
The word ādisorderā does a disservice to the injuries suffered by those who put themselves in harmās way in the course of their work. People with PTSD are not disordered, they are injured. Their wounds originate from repeated or severe exposure to trauma. Thereās nothing disordered about that, itās a natural and predictable reaction to unnatural events or situations.
Just because itās invisible, doesnāt mean itās not real. Weāre going to increasingly be using the term PTSI in our communications. These injuries are significant, severe, and potentially life threatening if not tended to in a thoughtful, compassionate manner. As with any injury, thereās a continuum of severity, ranging from mildly disruptive to debilitating. Not everyone who has these injuries is the same. The mechanism of injury, presentation of symptoms, and severity of harm may vary from person to person. Nonetheless, everyone has an equal right to access treatment and care in a timely manner.
Disorders are something we stick in the corner and donāt quite know what to do with. Injuries are something we heal. So we get it, without the label, itās impossible to access appropriate care. But between you and me, weāll be calling it an injury.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Glancing through Facebook, itās easy to believe that for most people, life is a series of joyful moments. Even knowing that social media is a highlight reel of peopleās lives, itās easy to start believing that others are always happy.
In reality, I think of life as more of a climb. Some days a struggle, but most often a climb.
Iāve had the opportunity to climb Mount Kilimanjaro twice. The night before the summit push is long, cold, dark, and tortuous. There are many times I asked myself why I was doing it. Reaching Uhuru peak at the break of dawn, it all made sense. When weāre in the struggle, itās often hard to see the point. Glancing back in the darkness, the distant glow of headlamps of the other groups weaving their way up the mountain reminded me of how far weād come, even though we werenāt yet at the top.
We judged our movement by the needs of the group, taking breaks if people were struggling, telling stories, and singing songs when spirits needed to be lifted. We knew we were going to do this as a team, and that we would leave no one behind.
By husband Joe has led over 7 school groups up Kilimanjaro. Of the people who attempt to summit Kilimanjaro, about 50% are successful. With these school groups, after months of training, group work, and team building, the success rate is almost 100%. What I have learned from this, is that we work best in teams. The second time I summitted felt harder than the first. Although the photos look the same, they represent two completely different experiences. Both of which were preceded by many months of training.
Perhaps life is like this, a climb, punctuated by triumphs and joyful moments. If Iām not having fun today, thatās okay, as long as Iām content with the longer term journey. Wherever you are on your journey, we invite you to reach out and join us as we move forward, together.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week, I devoted time to sort through stuff in my basement with the intention of clearing out junk that has accumulated over the years. I found a box filled with all of my report cards from elementary school to the end of high school, as well as some journals, creative writing assignments, and art books. Iāve always believed that life is about constant change, striving to be a better person, growing, adapting and taking on new challenges. Looking back at my younger self, Iām not so sure that Iāve actually changed. Thereās a consistency to who Iāve always been thatās reflected through the art, writing, and report cards of my younger self.
Striving for personal growth, fighting for social justice, practicing the voice of leadership, and expressing my thoughts through writing and art are themes that have been consistent through my entire life.
Even in grade five, my stories were about trauma and redemption. I wrote about hardship, regrouping, and finding the strength to get life back on track. In all of these stories, people had to trust in themselves and others in order to move forward.
There are many days in my adult life where I question myself, and wonder if I have what it takes. Looking back, I realize Iām on the right path. Some days, Iāll do it well. Some daysā¦ not so much.
Despite how much I think Iāve changed, maybe underneath it all weāre not that much different from who weāve always been. The gifts weāre born with that make us unique, are there from the beginning. Itās a matter of how much we honour and develop them that determines whether or not we’re on the right path.
If youāre injured or finding yourself off-track, itās likely not because youāre a different person now, but rather, that you havenāt yet figured out how to continue being the person youāve always been.
Weāre not just a trauma recovery centre. Weāre also a centre for resiliency and personal growth, for both those who have been injured as well as those who love and support them.
If youāre interested, we still have space in our next caregiver program. Honour who youāve always been, but learn to take care of yourself in the process.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Do you remember dreaming of snow days as a child? Iād cross my fingers in hopes that school would be cancelled. Snow day. These two beautiful words evoke excitement and anticipation, with the thought of an unstructured and unsupervised day laying ahead. Even as we grow older, the freedom associated with snow days persists. Some of us might make a last-minute rush to the grocery store to stock up on storm chips. Others might curl up on the couch for Netflix marathons.
Although I know that heavy snowfalls will precipitate massive cancellations in my client schedule, I have to confessā¦ a part of me gets excited. Iāll have a whole day of no structure, and little supervision. What kind of trouble can I get myself into, I wonder?
Okay, I know Iāll end up using this time to catch up on overdue work. But itās incredibly satisfying knowing that I donāt have to.
At Landing Strong, we recognize that snow days arenāt as much fun for everyone. Driving in such conditions is stressful. For those of you in first responder roles, we acknowledge that you are putting your coats on as we are coming home and taking ours off. For this, we thank you.
Snow days are a reminder that the emotional meaning of current events is coloured by the lens of past experiences. What might be positive for one person could be alarming or stressful to another. Trauma is like that too.
Trauma isnāt about what happens to us, rather, itās the personal meaning of the event in the context of our lives thatās important.
Thatās why we canāt judge othersā reactions to things when they differ from ours. We havenāt walked in their shoes, or seen things through the lens of their experiences. By seeking to understand, we diminish the aloneness of their experience.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
