I fully enjoyed my holidays, but have to admitā¦the thought of returning to work is somewhat daunting.
I canāt help but think of the large to do list awaiting me. The tightness in my chest serves as a reminder that I may be expecting too much of myself. I donāt think Iām alone in this regard.
āI am the architect of my universe,ā I remind myself. āIf I donāt like the way something feels, itās no oneās job but mine to change itā.
I decided to set aside some time this afternoon and draw up lists. Get those āto doā things out of my head and onto paper. I assigned them priorities. The list isnāt actually as long as I thought.
The beauty of the sun glistening on the lake reminds me that deadlines are arbitrary. There is really nothing that is urgent: no one is going to die if I donāt get it all done immediately. Instead of things I have to do, Iāll view my tasks as things I can feel good about accomplishing.
Most importantly, Iāll make sure to add a bunch of fun and creative things to my list. If this is to be my job description for the next yearā¦I want it to be creative, engaging and enjoyable.
I add an extra listā¦creative hobby ideas, and feel myself lighten.
Changing the world might be important, but so is enjoying the day š
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Heās Dougās dog. Max may greet you cheerfully when you walk in the door at Landing Strong. Wagging his fluffy white tail while showing off his fabulous winter sweater.
Max comes in to work because he hasnāt had an easy time lately. His lifelong companion Murphy passed away and the adjustment has been hard on him. Always together, Max suddenly found himself without his best friend. When I first met Max he was sad and somewhat withdrawn. Overtime, heās growing in confidence and is coming out of his bed more often. The more he interacts, the better he does.
Grief is like that. Isolating and all encompassing. It makes it hard to get up and go outā¦particularly if all we want to do is lie in bed. The thing is, grief is not meant to be experienced alone. Thereās power and strength in expressing the roar of pain associated with loss. Pain is meant to be seen and heardā¦thatās why we cry out. Itās an invitation for connectionā¦for recovery never happens in isolation.
Extending our thoughts and hearts to each and every one of you who are experiencing the pain of loss. Know that you are not alone.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week I looked out the window and noticed a flurry of tiny snowflakes making their way down from the skies. Weather forecasters were calling for a large storm, and I knew that was going to make for a complicated day at the office.
āSmall flakes big snowā one of the clients mentioned on their way out, āget your snow shovels ready!ā
Iāve heard that expression before, and wondered about its origins. Is there some ancient wisdom Iām unaware of that would allow me to be able to better predict my day simply by looking at the size of snowflakes? A few minutes of google research later, I realize itās not quite so simple. Warmer temperatures lead to higher water content, and thus larger flakes. Colder atmospheric temperature forms smaller flakes because there isnāt as much sticky stuff to hold the flakes together. So in a way Itās true: if itās warm outside it isnāt likely to stay snowy for longā¦it might turn to slushy wet stuff or rain. Small snowflakes and lower temperatures are a sign that whatever falls is likely to hang around for longer.
It strikes me that change is a bit like the snow. If we try to do too much too soon (large flakes) it isnāt likely to be lasting. Small repeated steps in the right direction, however, accumulate over time and can lead to a mountain of change. If we turn the heat up on ourselves too quickly, itās not sustainable. If I want to take up running, for example, and start by trying to run 5 km at once, itās likely too much. Sure I did it some years ago, but that doesnāt mean my body will recognize that movement now. A series of small steps, building up over time will increase my stamina so that Iām better equipped to do the run. Maybe a better goal is to start walking 10,000 steps a day instead. If I want any positive change to be lasting, easing in with gradual small changes is the way to go.
Keeping in line with our New Year commitment to self-compassion, I will embrace my inner (running) warrior, and enjoy pleasant walks through the snow this winter. Enjoying each small flake as it accumulates into something bigger. Maybe you will too?
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
The Holidays can be a difficult time for many, with increased expectations around social engagements, drinking, crowds and overindulgences. What if we simply focus on what the holiday spirit truly means. No matter what our spiritual beliefs may be, itās a time when people come together to celebrate, offer support to one another, and reflect on the passing year.
Itās undeniably a time of year where shopping, preparing elaborate meals, and commercialism seemingly take over. Itās also true that almost half of all charitable donations made by Canadians happen in the last two months of the year. This suggests that despite the stress associated with the season, itās a time when people are thinking of those who face more challenging circumstances.
In the midst of one of the busiest times of the year, we are able to set aside our differences and recognize our shared humanity. When people are spending the most and perhaps are feeling the stress of their financial state, they recognize that this discomfort isnāt temporary for many. When they are surrounded by those they love, thoughts turn to those who may not be as fortunate.
We hope youāre able to take some time over the holidays to reflect on all the small things that are meaningful to you in your life. We are grateful for our connection with you, our sense of shared purpose as we support those who are injured, and our appreciation for those who continue to put themselves in harmās way so we may be safe.
Warmest wishes for a safe and happy holiday season,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
High performance athletes canāt always do whatās expected. Occasionally, they might have a minor sprain or injury that needs nurturing. In the case of a major setback, they might be on the sidelines for a longer period of time. This doesnāt mean they arenāt a top performer. It simply means that no matter what weāre good at, or what weāre trying to work on, none of us can be good at it all of the time.
Sometimes when we have a setback, it might be easy to doubt whether weāve made any progress at all.
āMaybe the good mood I had last month wasnāt real…ā
āI feel like Iām back at square oneā
āI thought I was doing so much better, what does it mean now that Iām really struggling?ā
As in any journey, the path has peaks and valleys. The emotions you feel at any one point in time will never be a constant. True, the good times will passā¦ but so will the bad.
The most important thing to remember in those moments of self-doubt is thatās the time to reach out. Itās totally counter-intuitive, but a certain way to turn things around quickly. When we most want to retreat, thatās actually when we need to advance.
Donāt wait until youāre feeling good to join one of our groupsā¦ it would be a very empty room if we all took that approach. Take a look at the programs weāre offering in the new year and see if thereās one that seems right for you. Thereās a seat waiting for you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week, Iām on the South Shore running an intensive Veterans Retreat. Itās a chance to disconnect from everything, and spend uninterrupted time devoted to assisting injured veterans and first responders recover from trauma exposure.
We sit in a close knit circle, and start each morning by asking participants how they slept, and whether they had any new insights following the work we did on the previous day. Most importantly, we ask them if they had any dreams. Whether theyāre good or bad, Iāve come to appreciate the value of dreams in trauma recovery.
No one likes having nightmares. As children, weāre taught to try to not think about them, distracting ourselves from the images that most disturb us.
The problem with trying to suppress thoughts is that it keeps them bubbling to the surface while we sleep. Letās call it our nocturnal internal guidance system.
The brain knows what it wants to process. Whether we like it or not, bad dreams are our mindās way of letting us know that we have unprocessed memories or emotions that need unloading.
So, I bet you know what Iām going to say nextā¦the only way to stop the bad dreams is to work through the underlying cause.
Itās only by shining a light on our darkest places that we are able to remove the threatā¦ see what needs to be seen so that we can move forward.
Strange as it seems, dreams (good or bad) are our friends. They serve as our inner compass, pointing us in the direction of where we need to look.
So instead of shying away from bad dreams, consider leaning forward, taking a closer look at what your subconscious is trying to tell you. Itāll generally point you in the direction of health.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Thereās a Lakota expression that says āHealing takes place in the spaces between peopleā.
Each time we tell our story, it changes. An evolving narrative that morphs depending on who we tell it to and how weāre received. It is easy to get stuck, repeating the same tale internally in a repeated manner. Through sharing, we open the window to new ways of viewing ourselves, and differing interpretations of the past.
Itās not what happened to us that causes trauma, but rather the meaning of the experience that determines its impact.
We may have experienced a trauma alone, but in the retelling be supported, diminishing our sense of isolation.
We may judge ourselves negatively from the perspective of our youth, but through our adult lens, find the wisdom of compassion.
We may only be able to see something from one perspective, but with the compassion of peers open our eyes to other possibilities.
In this technological society that we live in, itās easy to feel lonely despite a multitude of internet connections. I invite you to take the time to share even a small bit of your story in real time with someone you trust. Notice what small shifts might occur when you no longer carry the experience alone.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itās a time of year to remember. His story. Her story. Their story. We remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, as well as those who bear the scars of injury, either physical or internal. Every battle has a cost. On this day, we join together to pay particular attention to the lessons learned, honouring those who have fallen.
When military members come home from deployment, it is an incredibly important time for them to be supported. Romeo Dallaire has very eloquently articulated the challenge of returning from Rwanda. Following Vietnam, thousands of American soldiers returned home to a nation rocked by politics. Seeking support, many were met with criticism and judgement. Wounded by atrocities overseas, these men and women are doubly injured if they fail to receive the support they need at home. Remembrance Day is a time when we set politics aside in order to extend our gratitude to those who have served.
One of the toughest facts is that it isnāt just on the battlefield where lives are lost. In the US, twenty veterans take their lives each day. In Canada, more Afghanistan veterans have lost their lives to suicide than on the battlefield. Even those who serve at home are at risk with more than half of all military deaths taking place during training exercises. War is complicated and dangerous. Preparing for it, supporting it, and coming home even more so.
Let us remember that although the deployments or service may be over, for many the battle rages on.
We stand behind them and with them, not just on this day, but every day.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
They say courage is born on the battlefield.Ā Ā That may be true, but I think just as often it arises in the aftermath, when we work to face our emotions.Ā Anyone in a service profession knows about putting a āgame faceā on.Ā Ā You know it, showing no fear even when you are about to walk into a situation that is dangerous, frightening or threatening.Ā Ā Joe Frazier knew it when walked into the ring to face Muhammad Ali, arguably one of the greatest boxers of all time.Ā Ā AliĀ had a total of 56 professional wins, 37 of them by knockout. Ā So when Frazier walked in the ring, he likely knew that he had a 50% chance of being knocked unconscious.Ā Ā Yet he did it anyway.Ā Ā Ā Shoving our emotions aside in times of distress is important and often necessary.Ā Ā It allows us to remain functional.Ā Ā The challenge is knowing when and how to take our game face off, and look deeper to discover what it is that we are actually feeling. Ā In treatment groups Iāve had Special Forces Members, Police, RCMP, Firefighters, Paramedics, EOD Techs, Corrections Officers and Trauma Counsellors say the same thing.Ā Ā Coming to treatment was one of the hardest, but most important things they have ever done. Ā So perhaps courage does take many forms.Ā Ā The obvious ones, and the more invisible form as we all come together to regroup, recalibrating our central nervous systems, and reclaiming important aspects of self that may have been lost along the way. Ā In my mind, that is indeed the face of courage.Ā Ā Warm regards,Ā
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Okay, so maybe I was not perfect this week. Pretty good at work, but a bit on the grouchy side with my husband [sorry Joe]. I think something I was worried about spilled over into the home front. We talked it out, and all is good now. Iām reminded of the importance of repair. If Iāve done something thoughtless, itās easier to allow time and distance to heal rather than having those difficult conversations. But in the spirit of Karmic correctness, itās always better to face up to those times when we have faltered.
I heard the expression āIām fixing my Karmaā the other day, and loved it because it makes the assumption we are all works in progress. Walking, running, stumbling, and then getting back up again, dusting off, and trying to find our stride. I want to work not just on forgiveness for others, but also forgiveness for myself.
Each day, we all do our best. Perhaps thatās more than enough.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
