It’s amazing how two people can hear the same thing but interpret it in entirely different ways.
Joe and I were at the cottage recently, and he shared a line from a country music song he’d heard recently that he found amusing. The song is by Ingrid Andress, entitled “Waste of Lime”.
“That’s disgusting!” I exclaimed.
“What, no it’s not, it’s funny” Joe protested.
“I don’t understand what’s funny about it” I respond, looking at my husband with a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Well, she’s singing about the fact that she and a fellow shared tequila, and at the end of the evening, he left her, leaving her feeling that it had all been “Just a waste of lime and a waste of time” Joe explained.
“Oh,” I respond, with a sigh of relief “I thought she was singing about the fact that someone had been killed.. but they weren’t even worth the lime that had been put over the body”
Joe and I started at each other.
How is it possible that something as simple as lyrics to a song could have such different meanings?
Joe immediately understood the lime reference related to drinking.
After years working at the federal penitentiary and reading through forensic files, the same ingredients had very different meanings for me.
Different experiences, and different lenses for interpreting the world.
It makes a huge difference doing work with people with shared experiences. They’ve been there. They get it. What may seem dark in one context, is just business as usual in the next.
Come to a place where you’ll be understood, whatever lens you’re viewing the world through. We’re offering a number of exciting fall programs. Sign up now in order to avoid disappointment. Seats are filling quickly.
We all need to have a sense of belonging. Even porcupines need to connect. Did you know that a group of porcupines is called a prickle? Even if we don’t look approachable, it doesn’t mean we aren’t looking to connect.
I have a friend Kari MacLeod who walks both her cats and dogs through the forest near her house. Recently, she has had an unlikely new addition to the walking crew: a porcupine has been welcomed into the ranks.
This porcupine found its prickle with Kari and her pets.
Sometimes we find belonging in unexpected places. Even if we are coming out of our comfort zone to create it. Like porcupines, people who suffer from injury are not always seen as approachable. There might be fears of getting close.
It’s only after getting to know porcupines better that we realize their quills are only used as a protective measure. They might look threatening, but underneath it all, they’re just as loveable as any other creature. Their quills aren’t designed to keep people away, but to protect them from harm.
Many first time group participants have concerns about fitting in, but our shared experiences and common ground connect us in a way that is stronger than any differences that may exist. Whether you find your prickle with us or somewhere else, we hope you find strength and support within a community.
I see a lot of people who tell me that they don’t know what they’re feeling.
Years of pain have led them to block off emotion. An effort at self-protection.
This may be very smart over the short term. If we are immersed in a situation that is truly intolerable, it can be very adaptive not to feel. It minimizes suffering. The challenge is, once the threat’s gone, it can be hard knowing how to turn the emotions back on.
By blocking out the pain, we also block out the good stuff.
The Buddhists understood this basic premise. On one side of the coin is pain and suffering, on the other…joy and enlightenment. It’s impossible to have one without the other.
If we don’t truly feel, we don’t truly love.
If we haven’t felt in a while, it may be hard at first. But this too shall pass.
Recovery is a road that’s not meant to be walked in isolation. Sharing the load makes the burden that much lighter.
Walk with us. We’re offering many new programs in the fall: for those who are injured, and those who support them. We figure out a way to make it possible, even for those who might not have insurance.
Give us a call and we can get your journey started. It’s that simple.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Many clients believe that change is sudden and dramatic.
Sometimes it’s like that. But in my experience, more often, change is more like a gradual awakening, like a bear stirring in it’s cave after a long hibernation.
It’s easy to sleepwalk through our lives. We jump on the commuter train of daily existence, never really fully processing what’s going on around us, internally or externally.
Change is really about noticing the small stuff: the thousands of tiny thoughts and decisions we make each day that form the fabric of who we are.
Do I take double cream and triple sugar with my coffee or a smoothie? Do I walk up the stairs or take an elevator? Do invite that acquaintance to lunch or sit alone? Do I tell my partner how much I appreciate them or complain about my day? Do I criticize or appreciate?
Meaningful change happens through simple choices. An awakening guided by noticing and intention.
All of our programs contain elements of mindfulness. Whether it’s through art, writing, yoga or meditation, together we practice setting our intention. If it feels like the right time for you, consider joining us for a program this fall.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Summer is often a time of travel and exploration. This year will be no different.
I won’t be leaving the province, but instead will enjoy a staycation, looking more closely at the wonder of things closer to home.
Last weekend, Joe and I walked a dark laneway near our cottage, surrounded by hundreds of fireflies dancing in the darkness around us. It was our own miniature Canada Day celebration courtesy of Mother Nature. Truly magical.
A few months ago, during a full moon, I managed to capture the above image on my iphone. If I hadn’t happened to wake up in the night, I would have missed it.
Tomorrow, a farmer’s market in Belleveau Cove will have my attention. I’ve discovered that Tyler from Bear River has the best oregano bread I’ve ever tasted. Bliss for a mere $5 a loaf. In a few weeks’ time, we’ll be sea kayaking near Yarmouth, an area of Nova Scotia we’ve little explored.
Sure, there are things that leave me more than a bit uneasy if I allow my thoughts to dwell on them.
The world is in an unprecedented state of unrest.
I don’t know when I’ll next get to see my son, or extended family who live in Ontario.
I just need to speak to my 87 year old father to be reminded of the meaning of resilience. An artist, he is little perturbed by the state of the world, focussing instead on the incredible landscapes he recreates on canvases. He understands the secret… The beauty of simplicity. Walking his tangled garden, capturing small glimpses of beauty, and finding creative ways of recreating them.
Way to go dad, thanks for the inspiration!
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
On the surface, a young seedling looks fragile. In fact, it has likely spent a good deal of energy and time growing roots, and building strength even before it breaks the earth’s surface.
Trauma recovery is like that. Chances are, a great deal of growth happens even before anyone notices. When people come for their first group session or counselling appointment, they have usually started a change process even before walking through the door. Merely deciding to make a change is a step in the right direction.
You may be unsure if you are ready to join a group, but the fact that you are starting to think about it is evidence that you may be further along than you think. Some people may get a new plant and think it is just beginning. In truth, we know that it has already had to prove it’s resilience by making it this far.
We invite you to imagine how it might feel to sit in a group with others who understand what it took for you to get here, as they have had to do the same.
A strand of trees grows stronger than a single seedling.
This fall we are offering a number of groups. Something for everyone, irrespective of where they are in their recovery.
If you’re thinking you may be ready to join a group this September, give us a call.
We’d love to hear from you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
It’s been a few weeks now since we’ve been allowed out and I still can’t get my haircut. Things are returning to normal, but not for me. My roots are exposed, clear as day for everyone to see. I feel vulnerable, and less than my best self.
Everyone around me is looking good while somehow I got left behind. I even know someone who has had his hair cut twice already. How did I end up I the slow lane, I wonder?
In groups, it’s inevitable that some members will recover quickly, while others, who do the exact same programs, may take longer. It’s easy to fall into the comparison game, measuring ourselves by the progress of those around us.
I do have a hair appointment, but it isn’t for three more weeks. I tell myself it’ll be worth the wait. I imagine myself emerging from the salon thrilled and confident with the transformation that will inevitably occur. I hope you can do the same. Do recovery on your time. You do you, and don’t worry about the rest. As long as you keep plugging away, it’ll come…in good time.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
They may reappear when you least expect it. Just when things were getting better, a symptom returns, reminding you of a past that you had hoped was left behind.
Even when you’re working hard on your recovery, it’s normal for symptoms to occasionally come back.
It’s really hard to feel like you’re not making forward progress, or that you’re not recovering even though you’re doing the work. But we know that recovery isn’t linear. Our symptoms serve as indicators that our total load has crept up higher than is healthy. By paying attention to it, we are able to examine the areas of our life that need to be addressed.
There’s a lot of background stress these days, so don’t be surprised if the buffer is thin. The amount of stress we can handle under normal conditions isn’t the same as what we can handle during challenging times. Instead of judging ourselves, let’s try to practice compassion. See if there is anything you can do to lighten your load, and remember… this too shall pass.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Today is the day things start to return to normal. The dawn of a new beginning. Stores will open. We can go out for dinner again. Heck if I’m lucky I may even score a haircut in the near future.
When we are faced with threat, it’s normal to be hesitant to step back out there.
It’s like falling off a horse… it can be hard to get back on. The problem is, if we don’t, it will be hard to get back into a normal routine. A natural recovery curve happens after any traumatic exposure. It’s natural to want to hide in order to keep ourselves safe, but we will never really know that the danger has passed until we leave our rabbit holes. It’s only by putting ourselves out there, that we are able to know that we can experience new things without negative consequences.
If we avoid going out, we never learn that it’s safe. That’s when we get stuck.
So I encourage you to go out. Do it safely, of course, practicing social distancing and proper health precautions. But take the steps necessary to restore a semblance of normalcy to your life.
Enjoy the beauty of the sunrise. Laugh with a neighbour. Share a meal with a friend.
The trouble with traumatic memories is that we play the same internal tape over and over again. Like an LP on repeat, they seldom vary. We get stuck in a loop that doesn’t allow us to see things through a different lens. If we keep our thoughts and feelings inside, they don’t shift.
That’s why I love group work. It’s hard, to be sure, but the insights and reflections of others allow us to see ourselves in a different light. Experiences that might originally have been terrifying, can transform to courageous in the retelling.
There is a traditional Lakota expression that says “Healing takes place in the spaces between people.”
No truer words were ever spoken. I’d like to take my hat off to the twenty courageous men and women who recently successfully completed the Emotions Management and Healthy Living programs. Even with the multiple layers of challenge going on in Nova Scotia, they stepped forward, ready to tackle material that has for years kept them from living their fullest lives. They started the process of reshaping history in the retelling. It was a unique experience to be sure, to be processing, in real time, layers of trauma as it unfolded in our province.
Congratulations as well to twenty new people who have stepped forward for the Trauma Recovery and Body and Mind Health and Recovery programs. The world may be on pause, but there’s a powerful, strong group of you moving forward.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
