Itās been a few weeks now since weāve been allowed out and I still canāt get my haircut. Things are returning to normal, but not for me.Ā Ā My roots are exposed, clear as day for everyone to see.Ā Ā I feel vulnerable, and less than my best self.Ā
Everyone around me is looking good while somehow I got left behind.Ā Ā I even know someone who has had his hair cut twice already.Ā Ā How did I end up I the slow lane, I wonder?
In groups, itās inevitable that some members will recover quickly, while others, who do the exact same programs, may take longer.Ā Ā Itās easy to fall into the comparison game, measuring ourselves by the progress of those around us.Ā Ā
I do have a hair appointment, but it isnāt for three more weeks.Ā Ā I tell myself itāll be worth the wait.Ā Ā I imagine myself emerging from the salon thrilled and confident with the transformation that will inevitably occur.Ā Ā I hope you can do the same.Ā Ā Do recovery on your time.Ā Ā You do you, and donāt worry about the rest.Ā Ā As long as you keep plugging away, itāll comeā¦in good time.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
They may reappear when you least expect it.Ā Ā Just when things were getting better, aĀ symptom returns,Ā reminding you of a past that you had hoped was left behind.Ā
Even when you’re working hard on your recovery, it’s normal for symptomsĀ to occasionally come back.Ā Ā
It’s really hard to feel like you’re not making forward progress, or that you’re not recovering even though you’re doing the work. Ā But we know that recovery isn’t linear. Ā OurĀ symptomsĀ serve as indicators that our total load has crept up higher than is healthy.Ā Ā By paying attention to it, we are able to examine the areas of our life that need to be addressed.Ā Ā
Thereās a lot of background stress these days, so donāt be surprised if the buffer is thin. Ā The amount of stress we can handle under normal conditions isn’t the same as what we can handle during challenging times. Ā Instead of judging ourselves, letās try to practice compassion. Ā See if there is anything you can do to lighten your load, and rememberā¦ this too shall pass.Ā Ā
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
The trouble with traumatic memories is that we play the same internal tape over and over again.Ā Ā Like an LP on repeat, they seldom vary.Ā Ā We get stuck in a loop that doesnāt allow us to see things through a different lens. If we keep our thoughts and feelings inside, they donāt shift.
Thatās why I love group work. Itās hard, to be sure, but the insights and reflections of others allow us to see ourselves in a different light. Experiences that might originally have been terrifying, can transform to courageous in the retelling.
There is a traditional Lakota expression that says āHealing takes place in the spaces between people.ā
No truer words were ever spoken.Ā Ā Iād like to take my hat off to the twenty courageous men and women who recently successfully completed theĀ Emotions ManagementĀ andĀ Healthy LivingĀ programs.Ā Ā Even with the multiple layers of challenge going on in Nova Scotia, they stepped forward, ready to tackle material that has for years kept them from living their fullest lives.Ā Ā They started the process of reshaping history in the retelling.Ā Ā It was a unique experience to be sure, to be processing, in real time, layers of trauma as it unfolded in our province.Ā Ā
Congratulations as well to twenty new people who have stepped forward for theĀ Trauma RecoveryĀ andĀ Body and Mind Health and RecoveryĀ programs. Ā The world may be on pause, but there’s a powerful, strong group of you moving forward.Ā
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
When I was a little girl, I was sure that there were monsters in the basement. I remember running full speed up the stairs, away from the dark cellar so that the monsters didnāt get me. They were huge, scary and dangerous. Avoiding it kept me afraid. Had I faced them, I would have discovered it was just the furnace making a weird noise. Slightly unsettling but not scary at all. Certainly not unmanageable.
Sometimes when we donāt want to feel something, itās easier to compartmentalize our emotions. We run away from them so that they canāt hurt us. The problem with this is that our fear of them is usually greater than the pain they can cause us. We feed our fears by looking away. They get their power from silence and being ignored or hidden.
When I was young, my parents would take me and my three siblings on road trips to visit the East Coast. We loved exploring Nova Scotiaās beaches and would spend hours looking for ābeach treasuresā that had been left behind by the tide. Itās a long drive from Toronto, and eager to start our holiday, we tried to make the trip with as few detours as possible.
On one of these trips, we were on a remote road in Nova Scotia when my younger sister complained of feeling nauseous.
āAre we there yet?ā she asked, holding her belly.
If we were smart, we would have pulled over quickly. Unfortunately, we didnāt. Minutes later, all I can say is that we all got an unpleasant lesson in wind velocity and splatter patterns.
Had we paced ourselves better, this likely couldāve been avoided. Taking needed breaks is very important, even though it makes the trip a bit longer.
I recently spoke to my good friend Finka about pacing myself at work, and I was wondering aloud about when Iād know when Iād āarrivedā. At what point would I get that sense of accomplishment that the job was done, and I could take my foot off the gas for a while and not have a never ending āto doā list in my head.
āAh, thatās the myth,ā she smiled wryly, āIt doesnāt matter how successful you are, in any business, each success brings more challenges. Challenge is the one thing thatās constantā
I thought long and hard about this. Iāve been operating on the principle that one day, I will arrive. My job will be done. I realize now that life simply isnāt like that. The more I do, the more I open the possibility for more to be done.
So what if recovery is like that? Itās a steady stream of building, growing and understanding. Each day we evolve into a better version of ourselves, whether we have PTSD or not. If thatās the case, the need for pacing becomes incredibly important. Maybe the point is not arriving, but the journey itself. Iāll need to be sure to stop and enjoy the view, taking a breather when needed.
What if we remind ourselves to take those precious moment to appreciate the little things. Thoughtful interactions, humorous moments, small victories. These are indeed the stuff life is made of.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itās not uncommon to hear people say that thereās no recovery from PTSD.
Well, in my mind, thatās simply not the case.
It’s true that you’ll never go back to being exactly the same person you were before you were injured. But when you think about it, how many of us are ever the same as we used to be? As we learn and grow in life, we canāt help but grow from our experiences. What Iām referring to is post traumatic growth.
Sure, life might have been easier if I hadnāt logged seven years working in one of Canadaās largest penitentiaries. I might not have been injured. But then I wouldnāt be the person I am today, and Iām kinda liking her.
Donāt know about you but I certainly donāt want to go back to being my high school self (although the flare jeans with Canada flag inserts were quite fetching).
I definitely do not want to relive the angst of my twenties.
I may have a few more bumps, and scars on me now, but they serve as a testament to the fact that I have truly lived. I have a massive scar across my right knee that I got while building a school in Tanzania. Iām proud of it, and in no way want to erase that experience.
If I work too hard my muscles flare up – reminders of the need to pace myself better. Areas where I have previously been injured will always be vulnerable during times of stress. They serve as my personal barometers for health. I thank these symptoms for gently reminding me when Iām not paying close enough attention to my needs or limits.
I guess Iām saying that I work hard each day to keep the superwoman cape in the closet. Itās not easy because it feels oh so comfortable. I try to simply focus on having a good day, going to bed at night feeling satisfied with whatever small thing I might have been able to accomplish.
So, itās true, you will never be the same person you were before. It is possible, though, to become someone capable of living a rich and full life, wiser for all the things you have experienced.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
