Many years ago I attended a work seminar where the facilitator spoke of the importance of developing a Plan B for any major venture you take on. His words struck a chord, for at the time I was working in a federal penitentiary. I wasnât sure how long I would remain there. Every day, I was surrounded by people who repeatedly reported how many years they had until retirement.
âGood morningâ they would greet me cheerfully, âonly six years left âtill retirementâ.
It was the institutional running joke, with people reporting the time they had left on their âsentencesâ prior to being released. Like the inmates they were supervising, they were serving life sentences on the installment plan.
This prompted me to develop a solid Plan B.
From that moment forward, every day that I went to work became a choice. I could continue, or I could change, but I would not allow myself to complain about it because I had the freedom to exercise my will.
Even now, every day I go to work knowing that I have options. My Plan B may not make much money, but itâs always less stressful and generally involves doing something creative. Somehow, that allows me to go to work each day with joy, owning the decision to be there.
It may be your Plan B involves taking time off work so that you can take proper care of yourself. That in itself is a plan.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
In her book Option B, Sheryl Sandberg describes the devastating impact of unexpectedly losing her husband Dave during a trip to Mexico.  The purpose of the trip was to renew their wedding vows after eleven years of marriage.  One minute heâs on the elliptical trainer climbing his way to health, and the next moment he is lying on the floor, gone.  Suddenly, she found herself in a deep void attempting to begin a life that she did not imagine nor choose.  She described feeling completely unprepared and alone. Grief became a demanding companion, with ordinary events like school parentsâ night becoming unexpected landmines.
Her friend and Psychologist Adam Grant flew across the country to support her.  His words of comfort were that she would need to allow her grief to run its course.  She asked Adam how she could get some resiliency.  He told her that resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity.  It isnât about having a backbone, but rather, about strengthening the muscles around our backbone.
I know that many of you have endured life altering loses.  âOption Aâ of life, as we originally expected it, no longer exists. It might be the loss of a person, of health, of your identity, or of your belief in the world.  For some reason, the unfolding of your existence has been irrevocably altered.
What do we do in such times? In Sherylâs case, it was to recognize that Option A as she put it, life with her husband Dave, was no longer available. The only option, according to her friend Adam, was to âkick the shitâ out of Option B.Â
What stage are you in?Â
Have you started to allow yourself the possibility of developing an alternative option for yourself?
Like Sheryl, we encourage you to allow others in, to assist in the re-visioning and restructuring of your life.  Know that we are here for you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
It was on the night of June 5, 1944 that Winston expressed to his wife that they were going to bed with the knowledge that by morning, 20,000 soldiers may have lost their lives.
He was referring to Operation Overlord, the biggest seaborne operation in history.  An event that served to turn the tide of the Second World War as 156,000 Allied forces united to storm the beaches of Normandy in an effort to liberate the country from Nazi occupation.
More than 10,000 people lost their lives in an all or nothing gamble that paid off, but at tremendous cost.
Yesterday marks the seventy-five anniversary of the D-Day landings.
I woke up this morning with gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifice of those who paved the way for the rights and freedoms that we enjoy today. Â
To the soldiers, the veterans, their families, and the leaders who bore the weight of such heavy decisions.  I give thanks.   Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
When we run programs at Landing Strong, we spend quite a bit of time discussing how to create an environment that feels comfortable and safe. Participants tell me that itâs not uncommon to walk into a community coffee group where theyâre initially having a good time, only to have the mood shift once the subject of politics comes up. Suddenly the tone is angry and loud. Instead of ideas and insights forming the discussion, hard opinions become the propulsion for discussion. Listening decreases as each person fixates on ensuring their âtruthâ is heard.
When this happens, I know itâs just a matter of time until the conversation shuts down, and the potential for insights and wisdom arising from the discussion are lost.
Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings, writes Cheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, is an acquired skill. Itâs that wonderful balance between appropriateness and authenticity.
In her book Lean In, Sandberg notes âWhen communicating hard truths, less is moreâŠThe ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.â
What if we all made it our mission to seek to understand the opinions of others, without needing to be right? How would the world change? We may disagree with what we hear, but at least by listening we are inviting an opportunity for dialogue. Sowing the seeds of change. If we are able to shift our focus from being heard, to accepting the uniqueness of each personâs truth, the discussion becomes richer.
I have to admit, I donât always master this art. But I try.
Please join me in noticing the tone and manner in which we communicate with others. Is it inviting or overbearing? Welcoming or deflective?
As Sandberg confirms, being aware of the problem is the first step to correcting it.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Welcome to our second week of applying business principles to health and recovery. This week, Iâd like to talk to you about the power of belief.
Branding is a term in marketing that helps us understand the intended customer experience. Donald Miller, in his book Building a Story Brand, describes branding as a transformational process: itâs a journey that offers promise of a desired final destination. Our âbrandâ is our aspirational identity. Itâs how we want to feel. Branding is about helping to guide people toward a stronger belief in themselves.
Miller provides the example of Starbucks. When you purchase a Starbuckâs coffee, youâre buying much more than coffee. Youâre buying an experience â a way of seeing yourself â sophisticated, chic, someone worthy of being treated to something special. The simple act of drinking coffee is transformed into an experience of savouring, and the price becomes secondary to the experience. Marketing genius.
I think about how we describe ourselves to others, and wonder how our personal branding affects how we are perceived, and treated.
Do you view (and describe) yourself as an injured veteran or first responder? Or are you someone who is embarking on a journey of personal growth following traumatic exposure?
Are you unemployed, or taking time to learn more about yourself?
Are you exhausted, or rather, in need of a well-earned break?
Are you trying to recover what was lost, or looking to broaden who you can be?
Are you overwhelmed by emotions, or enriching your ability to feel and connect with others?
Itâs worth considering how you want to feel, and being mindful to integrate these words into your internal vocabulary. Words are powerful, for they are the utterance of our internal brand.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Lately Iâve been doing a lot of reading about business. At Landing Strong, weâre committed to providing top-tier services on a non-profit budget. Hence the need for great business strategizing.
As I read, Iâm struck by how many business principles are equally relevant to health and recovery. Over the next four weeks, Iâd like to share with you things Iâm learning with the hopes that you too will find them helpful. Please join me on my voyage of inspiration.
Lesson 1: Success is the bi-product of a series of small experiments
Itâs an unfortunate reality that most new businesses fail. In the Lean Start Up, Eric Ries claims this is because new business owners tend to make a common error: they put a large investment into a single idea and hope like heck that that they got it right. The author suggests a more innovative approach to entrepreneurship is to run start-ups like a series of small experiments that inform and guide business development. No single stage is too big an investment, and it is always possible to pivot and change tactics if it looks like an idea isnât working out as expected.
I love this notion, because thereâs no pressure to get it right the first time. In fact, the assumption is that you likely wonât get it right immediately, and youâll probably have to continuously gather feedback to inform product refinement.
What if we applied this principle to healing and recovery? One of the most common errors I witness in terms of people who are trying to make changes in their lives is the pressure they put on themselves to get it right the first time they try something new. If it doesnât work, they assume it was a bad idea. Maybe, in fact, it was a great idea, it just needed a bit of feedback and fine tuning.
When we design new Landing Strong programs, we work hard to get client feedback at the end of each session. Why? Because our assumption is there are parts that were likely great, and other parts will probably need to be tweaked in order to improve. The program becomes the product of an organic interaction between facilitator and participants.
Recovering from trauma exposure involves reinventing the self. It is, in a way, a new business start-up. Instead of waiting to have it all figured out and hoping we get it ârightâ letâs consider recovery as a series of small experiments in which you will be trying on new ideas or behaviours, seeing which are helpful and which need tweaking. We should expect the first version of anything wonât likely be right. Rather, itâs a first step in the gradual shaping of something new and wonderful.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
As many of you already know, this is a special week.  Itâs National Police week, a time when weâre encouraged to pause and think about the invaluable contributions these men and women make to our quality of life.  We thank not just the officers, but also their families, for the steadfast work they do in supporting their loved ones.
Itâs my privilege to work with a number of officers, and I am constantly astounded by the extreme situations they find themselves in, and the incredible resourcefulness it takes to stay focussed on the job at hand.  I bear witness to the toll it takes on them, and the dedication they demonstrate through years of service. How do they stay resilient I wonder? This question has been a lifelong obsession for me, taking me back thirty years to my masterâs research when I interviewed officers across the country, trying to understand the unique stressors that police officers face while on the job.
It takes a special kind of person to stay strong when the going gets tough.  The job takes a number of forms: whether itâs keeping our streets and highways safe, working homicide cases, investigating cybercrime, conducting sex crime investigations, working undercover with gangs, conducting military investigations, or in the case of RCMP members, doing time in isolated Northern communities. Â
To each and every one of you, we are grateful for your efforts.
Thanks to you, our communities are that much safer.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Have I ever mentioned how much I love homemade chocolate chip cookies? Something deep within me settles as the familiar aroma of fresh baked goodness wafts through my kitchen. The simple routine of baking offers me reassurance that all will be okay.
Although routines can be comforting, never straying from them has consequences. Just because old habits make me feel good doesnât mean theyâre always good for me. I love that there are things in life that are a sure bet, but at the same time, realize that taking risks is part of moving forward.
Iâve taken a lot of risks lately. Iâll admit it, it has not been easy. It would definitely have been simpler and easier to stay in a place that’s old and familiar.
So why do it you might ask? Why challenge myself when I could simply sit at home baking cookies and watching Netflix?
Truth is, I believe thereâs something big around the corner. Something wonderful thatâs worth the journey. Weâre not quite there yet, but weâre getting there. You and me and the Landing Strong Team.
How incredible that we allow ourselves to venture into that new place together.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Do you read the obituaries? I do. I didnât use to, but since I have moved to our small community, I have a deeper sense of connection to those around me. Iâm surprised by how often I recognize the names or families listed. Living in a small town, Iâm more aware of the trials and tribulations of others in my community. When I pass the fruit and vegetable section at Sobeyâs, I expect to run into an old friend who I would often see there, only to be reminded he is no longer with us. When I see fundraising notes and coin jars on the counters of local stores, Iâm more inclined to donate knowing that I likely have an indirect connection to the face I see on the bottle. When our first responders pass by areas on the highways that mark the sites of accidents, they too are reminded of losses. Having grown up in downtown Toronto, I wasnât used to that degree of connection.
I received a letter from my father last week, and for the first time noted a shakiness in his writing that reminds me of his passing years. I pray that those who reside on his busy Toronto street will keep an eye out for him, as I know we look out for each. Together we celebrate, grieve, struggle and grow. Growth, recovery and healing lies in the heart beat of our communities. Strength lies in connection.
In appreciation of each and every one of you who helps to make us strong,
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Itâs supposed to be spring, but itâs still cold outside. Weâve had a couple glimpses of sun and warmth, only to be quickly reminded that winter isnât too far in our rear view mirror. Remember, objects in mirror are closer than they appear. This year, more so than many I remember, the wait for spring feels long. Winter brought with it a lot of ice, restricting movement and keeping us confined to our homes perhaps more than usual. With the promise of warmer days just around the corner, many of us are likely seeding our lawns, tilling soil, and preparing for growth in the new season.
This growth can take a lot of forms. It may be literally working in your yard, or might look a little different: inviting someone new out to coffee; speaking to a friend or family member from your heart; trying something new; making the decision to get help; or continuing your growth through participating in a workshop.
What kind of growth are you looking for this season? What specific steps can you take towards reaching that goal?
Remember, small steps in the right direction eventually get us somewhere big.
