Over the holidays I had the chance to spend time with family and friends. One young fellow, Ewan, captured my heart.
No matter what we did, Ewan was filled with excitement, fully enjoying the wonder of each moment as it unfolded.
âThis was the best day EVER!â he exclaimed after jumping from the wood-fired sauna into the ice-cold lake.
âI canât believe I got to chop down my first tree!â he shouted gleefully as the tree hit the ground.
Even when collecting rocks, he did not complain under the burden of the large, heavy bag he was carrying. His only utterance was âItâs so much better with you helping me carry the load.”
At the tender age of ten, Ewan understands that there are some burdens too big to shoulder alone. This is a truth that we somehow often lose sight of once we hit adulthood.
Having more people does indeed lighten the load. Our group programs exist for this very reason, to make sure no one walks alone. When weâre in good company the load we carry inevitably becomes easier to shoulder.
What better way can there be to start the new year than to join a community of people that understand.
If you have not yet signed up for our January program, Emotions Management, there are still a few spots available. If youâve already completed it, we look forward to seeing you at our monthly Maintaining Health program on January 18th.
Happy New Year!
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last night marked the launch of our first Date Night series. Can I take a moment to tell you how wonderful it was sharing the evening with twelve wonderful people who jumped in to be led by Kara Lister Wade as we created shadow boxes of favorite memories. What a treat to meet the significant others of our Landing Strong community. We were offered glimpses into peopleâs favorite moments, sharing details of positive experiences. Twinkle lights, delectable treats and candlelight transformed the space, rounded out by laughter, creativity and good company. Special thanks to Mackenzie for her beautiful charcuterie boxes and assorted sweets. Most remarkable to me was the distance people travelled in order to attend. Two couples drove from three hours away, one couple drove 90 minutes to be there, a few were an hour drive away and one lived locally: such was their commitment to attend. I canât help but reflect on the specialness of the evening, and the residual warmth I am experiencing as a result of it.
Next month weâll be having Chinese food. Please let us know your favorite dish if you are planning on coming. Kara will lead us through a new journey of creativity. These events are for couples, partners or close friends.
Wishing you all a restful and rejuvenating weekend.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
The wonderful thing about starting a New Year is that itâs a fresh start. Â
This is the time of year when we reflect on whoâve weâve been this past year, and who we want to be in the year ahead.  The ritual of making New Yearâs resolutions is a cultural tradition that normalizes the act of publically declaring our intention to change- identifying the ways in which we hope to grow, and asking those around us to support us.Â
Implicit in this is the notion that change is more likely to occur when we donât do it alone
The trick is starting small and doing it in good company.  Together, weâve got this.
Consider making us part of your change. Give us a call to see which programs might be best for you. Thereâs always room for one more.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
In this line of work, Iâm honoured to hear countless stories of courage in the face of adversity. Recently, as part of our Identity and Transition course, veterans and first responders have been putting pen to paper. Led by our inspired writer Karalee Ann Clerk, participants who claim they canât write step forward into the spotlight, bearing their hearts to the group. A sacred circle has formed, woven of trust, strength, compassion and courage. Each week my heart grows as I view their lives through the lens of their experiences. I mentioned to the group that if anyone was willing to share their weekly writing with the greater Landing Strong community, Iâd be happy to publish it. One of our Veterans (and also a former Corrections Officer) stepped to the plate.
Thank you R.B. for trusting us with this piece of your heart:
I remember not seeing my fatherâs car. It was a fire engine red 1965 Pontiac Parisienne. A boat. A convertible boat. He loved that car, and that car was gone. I was 7 or 8 and had just returned from school. My mom told me matter of factly, “Your fathers gone and he is not coming back.”
At that young age I knew that despite how bad things had been at home and judging by my familyâs current trajectory the dissolution of my parentâs marriage meant things were about to get a whole heck of a lot worse. I was terrified for myself and my siblings.
It was within this moment that I first learned how to numb fear.
I used to think courage is when you think taking an action may hurt you, but you do it anyways because it is in line with your values. It’s pushing yourself through something despite fear.
When I learned how to turn off fear I lost with it my sense of courage. How could I experience courageousness myself when I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid? Looking back now I wonder if this is part of the reason I found myself in such a mess to begin with. It makes sense – nothing I did could appropriately scare me.
I’ve always been a risk taker. I used to think it was just who I was. I needed a little something extra to get a kick out of life. Were all of these risks really just a scared child trying to get back his sense of fear?
Masking emotions allowed me to excel as a grownup. I joined the army and really found my place. Here was a place where my risk taking could be rewarded.
Trauma followed me out of my childhood and into the army. Looking back it was as if we were marching in lockstep together. After several major events I knew my psyche needed out and I released after a short but exciting three years.
The experimenting that began with alcohol in my early teens turned into a full blown addiction by my early twenties with a trip into rehab for a month. Eventually fate would land me in prison – as a correctional officer where I spent nine years of my life deep-diving into the never ending well of despair that is our criminal justice system.
Of everything that happened to me, in my childhood, the army and working at the jail, I never considered anything I did courageous. How could I. I was never afraid.
This scares me though. Writing this down, wondering how all of you are going to react. Will you accept me? Will you shun me? Will I even read it?
I feel courageous when I share with people. It excites me in a good way. Will something I say resonate? Will the words I speak ignite a feeling in you? One you haven’t felt in a while, or haven’t been able to express?
I was only able to go back to the memory of my father through years of introspection and therapy. It was through the act of recovery that I was able to see just how courageous I was. Not in that moment as a child. Not because I survived all of the perils life could throw at me. But because I could take that moment, that moment I turned off that emotion of fear, and I could have it back.
Sometimes memories can be about something that you didn’t see. Like a red convertible in the driveway. I can go back there now.
I can tell that little boy whose father just left him that everything is going to be alright, and the courageous part about my life is now I’m telling it to you.
R.B.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
These are complicated times, and weâre all facing increased levels of uncertainty. Background stress is much higher than usual and it may be harder to unwind at the end of the day. Here are three quick tips to help keep you right side up:
Do less
Instead of opting for a complete home renovation, try doing a jigsaw puzzle while listening to your favorite music. Take joy in simple things: like the satisfaction of a perfectly chopped pile of wood, or teaching your dog a new trick. âLess is moreâ is the new mantra as we work to keep ourselves in balance.
Just say ânoâ to social overload
Factor this increased stress load into your decision making when deciding how much to take on. This is a time for increased boundary setting. Do you really want a three hour zoom family reunion following a week overloaded with on line meetings? Consider dropping in for just a brief time or opting instead for simple in-person social gatherings like coffee with a friend. Get comfortable thanking people for invitations, but letting them know you are focussing on self-care and re-charging during down time.
Limit screen time.
 If your sleep is disrupted, itâs a sign that youâre brain isnât getting the relax time it needs.  Zoom gatherings and online meetings are more mentally fatiguing than seeing people in person.  Try picking a completely junky novel to browse through before sleeping.  Enjoy a long soak in the tub or flip through your latest car magazine.  Consider having technology free weekends, and please, take off your watch that sends emails to you 24/7.  Your central nervous system will thank you.  If you are thinking of making changes on a larger scale, consider joining our Healthy Living program starting in November.  Youâll have a chance to reflect on what is most important to you, ensuring the life youâre living is the one you want.Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itâs amazing how two people can hear the same thing but interpret it in entirely different ways.
Joe and I were at the cottage recently, and he shared a line from a country music song heâd heard recently that he found amusing. The song is by Ingrid Andress, entitled âWaste of Limeâ.
âThatâs disgusting!â I exclaimed.
âWhat, no itâs not, itâs funnyâ Joe protested.
âI donât understand whatâs funny about itâ I respond, looking at my husband with a tight feeling in the pit of my stomach.
âWell, sheâs singing about the fact that she and a fellow shared tequila, and at the end of the evening, he left her, leaving her feeling that it had all been âJust a waste of lime and a waste of timeâ Joe explained.
âOh,â I respond, with a sigh of relief âI thought she was singing about the fact that someone had been killed.. but they werenât even worth the lime that had been put over the bodyâ
Joe and I started at each other.
How is it possible that something as simple as lyrics to a song could have such different meanings?
Joe immediately understood the lime reference related to drinking.
After years working at the federal penitentiary and reading through forensic files, the same ingredients had very different meanings for me.
Different experiences, and different lenses for interpreting the world.
It makes a huge difference doing work with people with shared experiences. Theyâve been there. They get it. What may seem dark in one context, is just business as usual in the next.
Come to a place where youâll be understood, whatever lens youâre viewing the world through.  Weâre offering a number of exciting fall programs. Sign up  now in order to avoid disappointment.  Seats are filling quickly.
