As is the case with any vacation, my goal is to relax and recharge, allowing me to give my full attention and energy to the things I care about once I return home.
How do I do this?
For the next seven days, Iâll be back-country canoe tripping through Killarney Provincial Park, one of Ontarioâs most pristine and spectacular wilderness preserves. Itâs inevitable that at times Iâll be uncomfortable: fending off bugs, carrying heavy backpacks over long portages, or sleeping on bumpy ground. Joe, Kyle and Mackenzie are psyched about eating porridge every morningâŠme not so much so.
I know from past experience though, that itâll be well worth it. I can relax by doing less, or challenge myself by doing more. Generally speaking, the most important aspects of self-care that I practice involve expending energy. It may involve camping, doing art, reading, writing or walking in nature. Some part of me is generally in motion. Sometimes I do it well, sometimes not.
We often think of relaxation as being a passive activity: slowing down, watching Netflix, and giving ourselves permission to do less. Sometimes this is true, but if it becomes a pattern, itâs no longer relaxation. It becomes a pattern of existing.
So this week Iâll expend some energy to get out of my head, and into nature and connection with people I love.
I know some of you are off doing the same â playing music, camping, fishing and surfing.
If your old interests arenât serving as a source of inspiration anymore, it might be time to try something new. As we change, so do our needs. Thatâs why weâre introducing âCommunity Connectionâ days into our programming at Landing Strong. Open to anyone who is on the path of recovery and has participated in one of our workshops, these days will offer a chance to get together in a fun and restorative way. Weâll start advertising them in the next few weeks.
If you havenât participated in any of our programs yet, consider signing up for one this fall. We are always welcoming new community members.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Every military member and first responder signs up knowing their job involves risk. You may not know exactly what the risks are, but have a general sense that things could get very ugly. Why do we do it? Why expose ourselves to harmful things when we know that thereâs a significant chance of personal injury?
Why support a family member who may be taking these risks?
Why would someone willingly enter a burning building, respond to a fatal motor vehicle accident, take on the responsibility of making life-or-death decisions, or be in the role of caring for those who have injured others?
We do it because deep down, we believe we can make a difference.
Whether itâs through direct exposure in the field, or more indirectly through the viewing of images and videos, thereâs no doubt that repeated trauma exposure takes a toll.
Through witnessing one anotherâs experiences, weâre able to appreciate the difference each person made. Weâre a community that walks with you to understand your injury and help you reclaim parts of your life that may have been lost.
Come walk with us this Fall, weâre running group programs that are well-suited for both new and returning members of our team. We’ll be sharing details on our social media pages this week so be sure to check us out on Facebook or our website.
With gratitude,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Most new start-ups fail within the first three years.  Trying something new is hard, and keeping it going can be even harder.  Whether itâs an exercise program, a change of eating habits, or setting the goal of launching a world class treatment centre, holding true to a vision of where you want to be is never easy.  Starting up Landing Strong is something Iâve dreamt of for years, but couldnât quite find the courage to do.  The risks were great, but the communityâs needs were even greater. Surrounded by a team of incredibly committed professionals, we launched Landing Strong.  We didnât know when we opened the doors whether anyone would come.  Thanks to you, our programs and hearts are full, particularly this week after receiving word that we are being awarded funding from the Veteran Family and Well-Being Fund.  Veterans Affairs Canada is solidly in our corner, helping to make this dream a reality.  A special thanks to the Mental Health Foundation of Nova Scotia for helping us secure this funding.   Weâll continue to submit funding proposals so that we may offer barrier free access to care.   For this moment, weâre pausing to celebrate the assurance that weâll not just survive, but thrive in the critical first few years of operation.   With gratitude, Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
One of the challenges of PTSD and depression is that tasks can feel overwhelming. A simple chore, such as mowing the lawn, can feel much larger than it actually is. Perhaps when youâre mowing, you notice that the flowerbeds need weeding, or the lawn furniture is in need of repair. And while youâre at it, you notice the back side of the house needs painting. And you may kick yourself silently for not doing it last year, when you first noticed it was peeling. Suddenly, mowing the lawn becomes a list of everything you havenât done right in your life over the last six months.
A wise first responder shared an insight recently,
âItâs okay to mow just one line, if thatâs all youâre up to. Doing a little bit is better than nothing.â
He spoke of the importance of simply starting, without being paralyzed by the need to finish everything completely.
Weâve taken this to heart, and have been applying this principle across different aspects of our lives. Perhaps, I only have the energy to clean half my kitchen. Thatâs okay.
Today, I decided to text a friend because I didnât feel up to a phone call.
Small steps toward a larger goal get us there a lot faster than trying to do too much, too quickly.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
It doesnât matter what others think. If itâs real for you then itâs important.
People often apologize for being injured.
âI shouldnât be this way, I was never deployed.â
âI shouldnât be struggling, I only went to Afghanistan once and my buddy over there is fine and he was there twiceâ
âI shouldnât be taking up a seat in this group, there must be others who need it more than me.â
In fact, Iâm not sure I have ever run a group where a large proportion of the members donât somehow feel that they didnât earn the right to be there.
I remember a day in my private practice when I saw an army intelligence officer who was struggling.  During a tour overseas he was required to witness countless satellite images that haunted him.  After returning home, he walked with shoulders slumped, burdened by his experiences. Working together, we tried to lighten his load.
Sitting patiently in the waiting room, waiting for her appointment, sat an anxious petite 10-year-old blonde girl. Her forehead was creased with worry wrinkles, her nails bitten to the quick.  Her hand wringing as she anticipated speaking of the things which were most upsetting to her.Â
Did both have an equal right to treatment? I believe so. Certainly their experiences are very different. In my mind, it isnât about measuring the degree of pain one has experienced. Rather, itâs about noticing the impact those experiences have on our ability to navigate our way through life. Whether we have been hit by missiles or paralyzed with anxiety, the pain is real.
Itâs not our place to judge whether or not you should feel a certain way.  If itâs real for you, thatâs all that matters. Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Anger is intoxicating.  Thereâs no doubt about it.  Itâs powerful, and has the illusion of strength. People will often respond to us more quickly if weâre angry.
Anger can be a force to be reckoned with. The military recognizes this, teaching people to harness their anger as vehicles for mobilization during difficult moments.
âDonât get sad, get madâ
The problem is, power gleaned through anger is power taken, not power earned.
Is it possible, I wonder, to have power without exerting our will over others?
Maybe what we are really talking about is leadership.
Certainly, there are many different styles of leadership. We are all familiar with dictatorships, where those in power exert their control over others. Failure to conform is associated with profound negative consequences. We are fearful of their anger. Think Stalin.
Charismatic leaders, on the other hand, rely on the leaderâs charm and attraction to inspire devotion among followers. After meeting with Charismatic leaders, we are inspired to be of service.  We leave feeling they are special. Televangelist Billy Graham is a famous example of this style of leadership.
Transformation leaders, on the other hand, inspire greatness. They instill valuable and positive change with a vision of developing followers into leaders. After meeting with these leaders, we feel special: confident and inspired to be more. Nelson Mandela is an example of such a leader.
I think we have all had times when we realized our anger had power. Itâs a hard habit to break, particularly if we donât feel safe.
Is this a time when transformational leadership might be an option for you?  Maybe you are already practicing it. What does it look like in your life?
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Many years ago I attended a work seminar where the facilitator spoke of the importance of developing a Plan B for any major venture you take on. His words struck a chord, for at the time I was working in a federal penitentiary. I wasnât sure how long I would remain there. Every day, I was surrounded by people who repeatedly reported how many years they had until retirement.
âGood morningâ they would greet me cheerfully, âonly six years left âtill retirementâ.
It was the institutional running joke, with people reporting the time they had left on their âsentencesâ prior to being released. Like the inmates they were supervising, they were serving life sentences on the installment plan.
This prompted me to develop a solid Plan B.
From that moment forward, every day that I went to work became a choice. I could continue, or I could change, but I would not allow myself to complain about it because I had the freedom to exercise my will.
Even now, every day I go to work knowing that I have options. My Plan B may not make much money, but itâs always less stressful and generally involves doing something creative. Somehow, that allows me to go to work each day with joy, owning the decision to be there.
It may be your Plan B involves taking time off work so that you can take proper care of yourself. That in itself is a plan.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
In her book Option B, Sheryl Sandberg describes the devastating impact of unexpectedly losing her husband Dave during a trip to Mexico.  The purpose of the trip was to renew their wedding vows after eleven years of marriage.  One minute heâs on the elliptical trainer climbing his way to health, and the next moment he is lying on the floor, gone.  Suddenly, she found herself in a deep void attempting to begin a life that she did not imagine nor choose.  She described feeling completely unprepared and alone. Grief became a demanding companion, with ordinary events like school parentsâ night becoming unexpected landmines.
Her friend and Psychologist Adam Grant flew across the country to support her.  His words of comfort were that she would need to allow her grief to run its course.  She asked Adam how she could get some resiliency.  He told her that resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity.  It isnât about having a backbone, but rather, about strengthening the muscles around our backbone.
I know that many of you have endured life altering loses.  âOption Aâ of life, as we originally expected it, no longer exists. It might be the loss of a person, of health, of your identity, or of your belief in the world.  For some reason, the unfolding of your existence has been irrevocably altered.
What do we do in such times? In Sherylâs case, it was to recognize that Option A as she put it, life with her husband Dave, was no longer available. The only option, according to her friend Adam, was to âkick the shitâ out of Option B.Â
What stage are you in?Â
Have you started to allow yourself the possibility of developing an alternative option for yourself?
Like Sheryl, we encourage you to allow others in, to assist in the re-visioning and restructuring of your life.  Know that we are here for you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
It was on the night of June 5, 1944 that Winston expressed to his wife that they were going to bed with the knowledge that by morning, 20,000 soldiers may have lost their lives.
He was referring to Operation Overlord, the biggest seaborne operation in history.  An event that served to turn the tide of the Second World War as 156,000 Allied forces united to storm the beaches of Normandy in an effort to liberate the country from Nazi occupation.
More than 10,000 people lost their lives in an all or nothing gamble that paid off, but at tremendous cost.
Yesterday marks the seventy-five anniversary of the D-Day landings.
I woke up this morning with gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifice of those who paved the way for the rights and freedoms that we enjoy today. Â
To the soldiers, the veterans, their families, and the leaders who bore the weight of such heavy decisions.  I give thanks.   Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
When we run programs at Landing Strong, we spend quite a bit of time discussing how to create an environment that feels comfortable and safe. Participants tell me that itâs not uncommon to walk into a community coffee group where theyâre initially having a good time, only to have the mood shift once the subject of politics comes up. Suddenly the tone is angry and loud. Instead of ideas and insights forming the discussion, hard opinions become the propulsion for discussion. Listening decreases as each person fixates on ensuring their âtruthâ is heard.
When this happens, I know itâs just a matter of time until the conversation shuts down, and the potential for insights and wisdom arising from the discussion are lost.
Speaking truthfully without hurting feelings, writes Cheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer at Facebook, is an acquired skill. Itâs that wonderful balance between appropriateness and authenticity.
In her book Lean In, Sandberg notes âWhen communicating hard truths, less is moreâŠThe ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.â
What if we all made it our mission to seek to understand the opinions of others, without needing to be right? How would the world change? We may disagree with what we hear, but at least by listening we are inviting an opportunity for dialogue. Sowing the seeds of change. If we are able to shift our focus from being heard, to accepting the uniqueness of each personâs truth, the discussion becomes richer.
I have to admit, I donât always master this art. But I try.
Please join me in noticing the tone and manner in which we communicate with others. Is it inviting or overbearing? Welcoming or deflective?
As Sandberg confirms, being aware of the problem is the first step to correcting it.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
