Last weekend, I took some time to sit on our cottage deck, soaking in the last few rays of summer. Thereâs always something a bit sad about Labour Day weekend.  Like all good things, summer must come to an end.  Joe and I enjoyed some bruschetta, made with tomatoes purchased at the local farmerâs market and basil harvested from our garden. We took the time to savour the rich flavour of the food in front of us, enjoying the stillness of the lake and the calmness of the moment.
Itâs so easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life, forgetting to slow down and savour the colours, smells and textures around us.  Autumn is a particularly good time for this.  I invite you to take photos of the natural beauty around you.  Capture a shot of something that settles you: something that bring you peace. Take a moment to write a line about what makes it special and send it to Mackenzie at mseagram@landingstrong.com. Â
Let us know if youâd like to remain anonymous or if we can acknowledge your first name and weâll share your inspirations on our social media channels.Â
Many hearts beating together make us stronger.
Warm regards,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
âIâm tired of feeling bad about myself. How can I learn to feel better?â
Itâs a great question, and is likely a challenge that has faced us all at some point in our lives.
Personally, I think low self-esteem is the result of high expectations.
Weâre all good at some things, and not so good at others.
Low self-esteem happens when we think we should be good at everything.
Those of you who struggle with addictions likely can relate. Addictions arenât the result of expecting too little. Itâs usually about expecting too much and feeling frustrated with ourselves when we donât measure up.
So my word for the week is compassion.
Are you able to take a moment to appreciate those things you do well?
Try practicing compassion with yourself in those areas that youâre not strong at. No one gets better when they are being yelled at. Our inner critic can have the loudest and most disabling voice of all.
You may know that you love deeply, and care deeply, but not actually know how to communicate that to others. Instead of focussing on those things we canât do, and feeling badly, I encourage you to notice your areas of strength, building on them so you have the confidence to work on those things that are still âin development.â
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itâs a phrase I hear quite often, usually by people whoâve had harmful experiences that left them feeling disillusioned or hurt.
Itâs natural to build walls to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. The problem is, trust is often described in black and white terms: itâs there or it isnât.
In reality, I see trust as having many dimensions. Letâs think about it for a moment. If we were facing a zombie apocalypse, who would you most want by your side? Is it the same person who youâd hire to care for your children or grandchildren? Probably not. Mary Poppins and Van Diesel definitely fall into different categories of trust. Trusting someone with your physical safety needs is different that trusting them to care for your children.
I trust my husband Joe implicitly, but he might not be my first choice when it comes to decorating cupcakes (flashback to our wedding where we decorated our own bride and groom cakes. Joeâs cake consisted of a war scene with Tonka tanks, explosions and GI Joe parachuting down into the middle). YeahâŠI definitely donât trust my husband when it comes to decorating cakes⊠but, I do trust him to be there for me when it comes to the really important stuff.
I like to think of trust as a three dimensional star with many prongs. I can trust some people along many dimensions, others along only a few. Thatâs okay, as long as I donât trust people in areas that arenât their strength.
So if you catch yourself thinking âpeople canât be trusted,â try looking for exceptions in this âall or nothingâ thinking pattern. It may be there are some things they do well. See what happens if you modify your expectations accordingly.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Those of you who have signed up for careers in the military or as first responders understand what it means to be dedicated to a life of service.  Family members also become part of this commitment, making sacrifices so that others may be safe.
I was speaking with a law enforcement officer today who described the âthin blue lineâ that has become synonymous with the police line of duty.  The black space above the line commonly represents society, order and peace, while the black space below, crime, anarchy and chaos.  Itâs a thin blue line (police) that runs between the two, keeping society protected.  Uniforms often reflect the thin blue line, or variations of it.  Although the stripe on your uniform may be a different colour, the unifying theme is the commitment to service and duty.  Iâm often struck how deep and automatic the dedication to service runs: putting oneself in harmâs way so that others might be protected.  Even after long careers, veterans often search for ways to âgive backâ or be âof serviceâ to their communities.  Many people describe repeatedly volunteering for horrific duties so that others wonât have to.  Whether itâs volunteering to assist with the Swissair disaster, responded to a fatal house fire, working daily with gangs, investigating homicides, or being first at the scene after a horrific car accident, someone always steps forward, putting themselves at risk so that their friends, colleagues, and community, may be protected.  As you well know, this is not without a toll.  Not feeling the injury while at work doesnât mean that a deep-seeded pain isnât there.  What happens when the uniform comes off?
Whether itâs at the end of a long shift, during a break following injury, or after a long career, knowing how to care for oneself is not always simple.  I often hear people talk about âbecoming the job.â  Family members fret that their loved ones no longer feel the same.
Itâs for this reason we are launching our new program Identity and Transition: discovering who you are when the uniform comes off.  Whether youâre on active duty, in transition, or retired. This course is for you. If youâre not yet ready to sign up for the program, we hope that youâll follow our online resources related to this important topic.  Warmly,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
As is the case with any vacation, my goal is to relax and recharge, allowing me to give my full attention and energy to the things I care about once I return home.
How do I do this?
For the next seven days, Iâll be back-country canoe tripping through Killarney Provincial Park, one of Ontarioâs most pristine and spectacular wilderness preserves. Itâs inevitable that at times Iâll be uncomfortable: fending off bugs, carrying heavy backpacks over long portages, or sleeping on bumpy ground. Joe, Kyle and Mackenzie are psyched about eating porridge every morningâŠme not so much so.
I know from past experience though, that itâll be well worth it. I can relax by doing less, or challenge myself by doing more. Generally speaking, the most important aspects of self-care that I practice involve expending energy. It may involve camping, doing art, reading, writing or walking in nature. Some part of me is generally in motion. Sometimes I do it well, sometimes not.
We often think of relaxation as being a passive activity: slowing down, watching Netflix, and giving ourselves permission to do less. Sometimes this is true, but if it becomes a pattern, itâs no longer relaxation. It becomes a pattern of existing.
So this week Iâll expend some energy to get out of my head, and into nature and connection with people I love.
I know some of you are off doing the same â playing music, camping, fishing and surfing.
If your old interests arenât serving as a source of inspiration anymore, it might be time to try something new. As we change, so do our needs. Thatâs why weâre introducing âCommunity Connectionâ days into our programming at Landing Strong. Open to anyone who is on the path of recovery and has participated in one of our workshops, these days will offer a chance to get together in a fun and restorative way. Weâll start advertising them in the next few weeks.
If you havenât participated in any of our programs yet, consider signing up for one this fall. We are always welcoming new community members.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Every military member and first responder signs up knowing their job involves risk. You may not know exactly what the risks are, but have a general sense that things could get very ugly. Why do we do it? Why expose ourselves to harmful things when we know that thereâs a significant chance of personal injury?
Why support a family member who may be taking these risks?
Why would someone willingly enter a burning building, respond to a fatal motor vehicle accident, take on the responsibility of making life-or-death decisions, or be in the role of caring for those who have injured others?
We do it because deep down, we believe we can make a difference.
Whether itâs through direct exposure in the field, or more indirectly through the viewing of images and videos, thereâs no doubt that repeated trauma exposure takes a toll.
Through witnessing one anotherâs experiences, weâre able to appreciate the difference each person made. Weâre a community that walks with you to understand your injury and help you reclaim parts of your life that may have been lost.
Come walk with us this Fall, weâre running group programs that are well-suited for both new and returning members of our team. We’ll be sharing details on our social media pages this week so be sure to check us out on Facebook or our website.
With gratitude,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Most new start-ups fail within the first three years.  Trying something new is hard, and keeping it going can be even harder.  Whether itâs an exercise program, a change of eating habits, or setting the goal of launching a world class treatment centre, holding true to a vision of where you want to be is never easy.  Starting up Landing Strong is something Iâve dreamt of for years, but couldnât quite find the courage to do.  The risks were great, but the communityâs needs were even greater. Surrounded by a team of incredibly committed professionals, we launched Landing Strong.  We didnât know when we opened the doors whether anyone would come.  Thanks to you, our programs and hearts are full, particularly this week after receiving word that we are being awarded funding from the Veteran Family and Well-Being Fund.  Veterans Affairs Canada is solidly in our corner, helping to make this dream a reality.  A special thanks to the Mental Health Foundation of Nova Scotia for helping us secure this funding.   Weâll continue to submit funding proposals so that we may offer barrier free access to care.   For this moment, weâre pausing to celebrate the assurance that weâll not just survive, but thrive in the critical first few years of operation.   With gratitude, Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
One of the challenges of PTSD and depression is that tasks can feel overwhelming. A simple chore, such as mowing the lawn, can feel much larger than it actually is. Perhaps when youâre mowing, you notice that the flowerbeds need weeding, or the lawn furniture is in need of repair. And while youâre at it, you notice the back side of the house needs painting. And you may kick yourself silently for not doing it last year, when you first noticed it was peeling. Suddenly, mowing the lawn becomes a list of everything you havenât done right in your life over the last six months.
A wise first responder shared an insight recently,
âItâs okay to mow just one line, if thatâs all youâre up to. Doing a little bit is better than nothing.â
He spoke of the importance of simply starting, without being paralyzed by the need to finish everything completely.
Weâve taken this to heart, and have been applying this principle across different aspects of our lives. Perhaps, I only have the energy to clean half my kitchen. Thatâs okay.
Today, I decided to text a friend because I didnât feel up to a phone call.
Small steps toward a larger goal get us there a lot faster than trying to do too much, too quickly.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
It doesnât matter what others think. If itâs real for you then itâs important.
People often apologize for being injured.
âI shouldnât be this way, I was never deployed.â
âI shouldnât be struggling, I only went to Afghanistan once and my buddy over there is fine and he was there twiceâ
âI shouldnât be taking up a seat in this group, there must be others who need it more than me.â
In fact, Iâm not sure I have ever run a group where a large proportion of the members donât somehow feel that they didnât earn the right to be there.
I remember a day in my private practice when I saw an army intelligence officer who was struggling.  During a tour overseas he was required to witness countless satellite images that haunted him.  After returning home, he walked with shoulders slumped, burdened by his experiences. Working together, we tried to lighten his load.
Sitting patiently in the waiting room, waiting for her appointment, sat an anxious petite 10-year-old blonde girl. Her forehead was creased with worry wrinkles, her nails bitten to the quick.  Her hand wringing as she anticipated speaking of the things which were most upsetting to her.Â
Did both have an equal right to treatment? I believe so. Certainly their experiences are very different. In my mind, it isnât about measuring the degree of pain one has experienced. Rather, itâs about noticing the impact those experiences have on our ability to navigate our way through life. Whether we have been hit by missiles or paralyzed with anxiety, the pain is real.
Itâs not our place to judge whether or not you should feel a certain way.  If itâs real for you, thatâs all that matters. Â
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Anger is intoxicating.  Thereâs no doubt about it.  Itâs powerful, and has the illusion of strength. People will often respond to us more quickly if weâre angry.
Anger can be a force to be reckoned with. The military recognizes this, teaching people to harness their anger as vehicles for mobilization during difficult moments.
âDonât get sad, get madâ
The problem is, power gleaned through anger is power taken, not power earned.
Is it possible, I wonder, to have power without exerting our will over others?
Maybe what we are really talking about is leadership.
Certainly, there are many different styles of leadership. We are all familiar with dictatorships, where those in power exert their control over others. Failure to conform is associated with profound negative consequences. We are fearful of their anger. Think Stalin.
Charismatic leaders, on the other hand, rely on the leaderâs charm and attraction to inspire devotion among followers. After meeting with Charismatic leaders, we are inspired to be of service.  We leave feeling they are special. Televangelist Billy Graham is a famous example of this style of leadership.
Transformation leaders, on the other hand, inspire greatness. They instill valuable and positive change with a vision of developing followers into leaders. After meeting with these leaders, we feel special: confident and inspired to be more. Nelson Mandela is an example of such a leader.
I think we have all had times when we realized our anger had power. Itâs a hard habit to break, particularly if we donât feel safe.
Is this a time when transformational leadership might be an option for you?  Maybe you are already practicing it. What does it look like in your life?
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
