He’s Doug’s dog. Max may greet you cheerfully when you walk in the door at Landing Strong. Wagging his fluffy white tail while showing off his fabulous winter sweater.
Max comes in to work because he hasn’t had an easy time lately. His lifelong companion Murphy passed away and the adjustment has been hard on him. Always together, Max suddenly found himself without his best friend. When I first met Max he was sad and somewhat withdrawn. Overtime, he’s growing in confidence and is coming out of his bed more often. The more he interacts, the better he does.
Grief is like that. Isolating and all encompassing. It makes it hard to get up and go out…particularly if all we want to do is lie in bed. The thing is, grief is not meant to be experienced alone. There’s power and strength in expressing the roar of pain associated with loss. Pain is meant to be seen and heard…that’s why we cry out. It’s an invitation for connection…for recovery never happens in isolation.
Extending our thoughts and hearts to each and every one of you who are experiencing the pain of loss. Know that you are not alone.
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week I looked out the window and noticed a flurry of tiny snowflakes making their way down from the skies. Weather forecasters were calling for a large storm, and I knew that was going to make for a complicated day at the office.
“Small flakes big snow” one of the clients mentioned on their way out, “get your snow shovels ready!”
I’ve heard that expression before, and wondered about its origins. Is there some ancient wisdom I’m unaware of that would allow me to be able to better predict my day simply by looking at the size of snowflakes? A few minutes of google research later, I realize it’s not quite so simple. Warmer temperatures lead to higher water content, and thus larger flakes. Colder atmospheric temperature forms smaller flakes because there isn’t as much sticky stuff to hold the flakes together. So in a way It’s true: if it’s warm outside it isn’t likely to stay snowy for long…it might turn to slushy wet stuff or rain. Small snowflakes and lower temperatures are a sign that whatever falls is likely to hang around for longer.
It strikes me that change is a bit like the snow. If we try to do too much too soon (large flakes) it isn’t likely to be lasting. Small repeated steps in the right direction, however, accumulate over time and can lead to a mountain of change. If we turn the heat up on ourselves too quickly, it’s not sustainable. If I want to take up running, for example, and start by trying to run 5 km at once, it’s likely too much. Sure I did it some years ago, but that doesn’t mean my body will recognize that movement now. A series of small steps, building up over time will increase my stamina so that I’m better equipped to do the run. Maybe a better goal is to start walking 10,000 steps a day instead. If I want any positive change to be lasting, easing in with gradual small changes is the way to go.
Keeping in line with our New Year commitment to self-compassion, I will embrace my inner (running) warrior, and enjoy pleasant walks through the snow this winter. Enjoying each small flake as it accumulates into something bigger. Maybe you will too?
Warm wishes,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
The Holidays can be a difficult time for many, with increased expectations around social engagements, drinking, crowds and overindulgences. What if we simply focus on what the holiday spirit truly means. No matter what our spiritual beliefs may be, it’s a time when people come together to celebrate, offer support to one another, and reflect on the passing year.
It’s undeniably a time of year where shopping, preparing elaborate meals, and commercialism seemingly take over. It’s also true that almost half of all charitable donations made by Canadians happen in the last two months of the year. This suggests that despite the stress associated with the season, it’s a time when people are thinking of those who face more challenging circumstances.
In the midst of one of the busiest times of the year, we are able to set aside our differences and recognize our shared humanity. When people are spending the most and perhaps are feeling the stress of their financial state, they recognize that this discomfort isn’t temporary for many. When they are surrounded by those they love, thoughts turn to those who may not be as fortunate.
We hope you’re able to take some time over the holidays to reflect on all the small things that are meaningful to you in your life. We are grateful for our connection with you, our sense of shared purpose as we support those who are injured, and our appreciation for those who continue to put themselves in harm’s way so we may be safe.
Warmest wishes for a safe and happy holiday season,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
High performance athletes can’t always do what’s expected. Occasionally, they might have a minor sprain or injury that needs nurturing. In the case of a major setback, they might be on the sidelines for a longer period of time. This doesn’t mean they aren’t a top performer. It simply means that no matter what we’re good at, or what we’re trying to work on, none of us can be good at it all of the time.
Sometimes when we have a setback, it might be easy to doubt whether we’ve made any progress at all.
“Maybe the good mood I had last month wasn’t real…”
“I feel like I’m back at square one”
“I thought I was doing so much better, what does it mean now that I’m really struggling?”
As in any journey, the path has peaks and valleys. The emotions you feel at any one point in time will never be a constant. True, the good times will pass… but so will the bad.
The most important thing to remember in those moments of self-doubt is that’s the time to reach out. It’s totally counter-intuitive, but a certain way to turn things around quickly. When we most want to retreat, that’s actually when we need to advance.
Don’t wait until you’re feeling good to join one of our groups… it would be a very empty room if we all took that approach. Take a look at the programs we’re offering in the new year and see if there’s one that seems right for you. There’s a seat waiting for you.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
They say courage is born on the battlefield. That may be true, but I think just as often it arises in the aftermath, when we work to face our emotions. Anyone in a service profession knows about putting a “game face” on. You know it, showing no fear even when you are about to walk into a situation that is dangerous, frightening or threatening. Joe Frazier knew it when walked into the ring to face Muhammad Ali, arguably one of the greatest boxers of all time. Ali had a total of 56 professional wins, 37 of them by knockout. So when Frazier walked in the ring, he likely knew that he had a 50% chance of being knocked unconscious. Yet he did it anyway.
Shoving our emotions aside in times of distress is important and often necessary. It allows us to remain functional. The challenge is knowing when and how to take our game face off, and look deeper to discover what it is that we are actually feeling.
In treatment groups I’ve had Special Forces Members, Police, RCMP, Firefighters, Paramedics, EOD Techs, Corrections Officers and Trauma Counsellors say the same thing. Coming to treatment was one of the hardest, but most important things they have ever done.
So perhaps courage does take many forms. The obvious ones, and the more invisible form as we all come together to regroup, recalibrating our central nervous systems, and reclaiming important aspects of self that may have been lost along the way.
In my mind, that is indeed the face of courage.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Okay, so maybe I was not perfect this week. Pretty good at work, but a bit on the grouchy side with my husband [sorry Joe]. I think something I was worried about spilled over into the home front. We talked it out, and all is good now. I’m reminded of the importance of repair. If I’ve done something thoughtless, it’s easier to allow time and distance to heal rather than having those difficult conversations. But in the spirit of Karmic correctness, it’s always better to face up to those times when we have faltered.
I heard the expression “I’m fixing my Karma” the other day, and loved it because it makes the assumption we are all works in progress. Walking, running, stumbling, and then getting back up again, dusting off, and trying to find our stride. I want to work not just on forgiveness for others, but also forgiveness for myself.
Each day, we all do our best. Perhaps that’s more than enough.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
