I started reading Michelle Obamaâs book Becoming this weekend, and was reminded that unless I have walked in someoneâs shoes, I really have no way of knowing what theyâve been through. Michelle speaks kindly of her stern and humourless Aunt Robbie who lived on floor below Michelleâs family. If young Michelle and her brother Craig got too wound up, Aunt Robbie let them know:
Aunt Robbie would flick the light switch on our shared stairwell, controlling the lightbulb in our upstairs hallway, off and on, again and again- her polite-ish was of telling us to pipe down.
Michelleâs parents took this in stride, reminding the children that even if they didnât know the context, they were instructed to remember that context existed.
Everyone on earth, theyâd tell us, was carrying around an unseen history, and that alone deserved some tolerance.
What incredible wisdom, to remember this simple fact. If someone does something rude or thoughtless, I can assume itâs deliberate. Alternatively, I can remind myself that I donât know whatâs been happening in their day, or what kind of life theyâve had. I can tell myself that that seemingly unkind action may simply be out of context.
So the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, or is rude to you in line, it may help to send a request to the universe that their day will get better. Wish them a bit of happiness in what may be a difficult day.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
I like to take Thanksgiving literally. A time for reflection, and gratitude.
The internet and news remind us that thereâs a lot wrong with the world. This weekend I plan to turn it off. Instead, I want to think of the many things that Iâm thankful for.
Simple things, nothing earthshatteringâŠ
A perfect latte on a cold day
The tantalizing smell of a roasting turkey
The good company of family and friends
Sun rays glistening off a waterâs surface
The cry of a newborn baby
Crisp fall air and brilliantly coloured trees.
Picking perfect apples on a sunny Saturday morning.
Join me in thoughts of gratitude and plenty, Warm thoughts and Happy Thanksgiving
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
This week, I met someone new.  Letâs call her âRay of Sunshineâ.  She sparkled so brightly I was almost blinded by the bling that adorned her arms and fingers.  Fluorescent pink eye shadow and a matching headband complemented her brightly flowered shirt. Â
âThanks Girlfriendâ she sung out to me happily as she rang up my purchase. Â
âGreat outfitâ I offered smilingÂ
âI gotta whole cupboard âa bright flowered shirts to choose fromâ she chimed in,  âMakes me happyâ.
Now thatâs a woman with intention, I thought with admiration as I left the store.  It felt good that this happy stranger had referred to me as âgirlfriendâ, randomly deciding that kindness was to be her default greeting.  Everything about her told me that before she had even started her day, sheâd decided it was going to be a good one.  What would happen If I started each day with the same degree of intention?
Something to ponder as I search my makeup drawer for baby blue eyeshadow and a matching sparkle shirt. đ  Warm regards,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
During a recent training trip in Quebec, I took advantage of a warm afternoon by taking a stroll down a remote country road. At the end of the road, the sound of a trickling waterfall caught my attention. Drawn towards it, I spied a small blue door supported by weathered stone pillars. On the door was a sign declaring âPropriete Privee,â or private property. Surrounding the small waterfall were five lines of barbed wire, ensuring that no one enter the property.
What a shame, I thought to myself, that such a special spot be barred from view by others. The owners may have had good reason to guard their property â perhaps trespassers had abused the privilege of visiting. I realized though, that those past incidents served to form the rationale for a permanent barrier. The gate served not only to keep people out, it also prevented people from coming in.
It isnât uncommon that we build barriers to keep ourselves safe following trauma. Whether itâs imaginary walls or barbed wire, the thought of letting others in can be threatening. I have no doubt that when we build the walls we do so because they are needed. How do we know, though, when itâs safe to take them down?
Joining a treatment group offers a safe way to connect with others. Youâll never be asked to share anything you arenât ready to share, and we offer a structured and supportive way of exploring topics that we hope youâll find useful on your journey to health. We still have a few seats left in the âStop Faking Good & Start Feeling Goodâ group, please call to sign up soon to avoid disappointment. Our upcoming Community Connection days allow a more informal way of connecting and having fun. Running over three Fridays in October, the first one on October 4th is for Veterans and First Responders who have taken programs at Landing Strong. The second (being held on October 11th) is opened to those who have taken group programs with us and to their partners, spouses and others who have been important supports. On October 18th, we welcome anyone who has taken a Landing Strong Program as well as any Veteran, Military Member or First Responder who might be thinking of taking a program, but arenât sure and want a chance to test the waters. We are offering these Community Connection Days free of charge, just give us a phone call to let us know youâre coming.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
“Helping people overcome their demons is not the same as helping people live well” – Martin Seligman
What does it mean to live well? Is it to be rich? Is it to be loved? Is it to live a life of purpose?
Many of you have chosen a life of service because at a deep level, you understand that personal fulfillment is connected to the notion of contribution. Being of service is valued. Through meaningful connection to one another, our lives have purpose. When we take off the uniform, it can be hard to know who we are.
Chances are, who you are was determined long before you put on the uniform. As a kid, you were probably the one who offered to help out. In social situations, you likely notice who is in need and are quick to offer assistance.
Who you are is not defined by the clothes you wear, rather, itâs who you are inside: who youâve always been.
Sometimes, when weâre injured, itâs easy to lose sight of that old self. Itâs still there. Itâs always been there. Just waiting to re-emerge when you are ready.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Even before it officially arrived, we felt the effects of Hurricane Dorian. Bayerâs Lake shopping Centre was jammed full of cars, with people honking at each other in a manner that was distinctly un-Nova Scotian. Long lines formed at grocery stores and gas stations, and shoppers scurried about frenetically. A province where people usually hold the doors open for one another, on Friday they rushed through, allowing doors to slam shut behind them. A woman I recently met described the rising anxiety she felt at the thought of being without power. During Hurricane Juan in 2003, she went 14 days in the dark. There were many indications that this was a province that has previously suffered the devastating effects of a hurricane.
Although kids were thrilled at the cancellation of school, many of us struggled with the clean-up and aftereffects of Dorian. Communities bonded with one another, checking to see if everyone was okay. Even while I send this note out, many of you in rural areas are still waiting for power. Personally, I received a few free skylights in my roof and the removal of my porch, no charge, courtesy of Dorian. Although we are grateful that we suffered nothing close to the devastation of our friends in Bahamas, many people worked very long hours this week in order to help restore order and comfort to our lives. A special thanks to those police, firefighters, first responders, volunteer tree removers and Hydro workers who put in very long days on our behalf. I spoke with Rod, from Hydro Nova Scotia. He showed up at our house at 6:30 Sunday am to cap off loose wires and then again on Wednesday night at 10:00 pm to help restore power. His team had been working 6:00 am until 10:00 pm all week.
The effects of trauma are multi layered. Experiences from the past colour the lens through which we view our present. This recent event reminded me of that. So if you notice people being a bit less happy, comfortable, or patient than usual, letâs cut them some slack. They may have lost their crops, still be in the dark, be figuring out how to repair their cars or homes, or possibly, be struggling to regroup after being reminded of the aftereffects of Hurricane Juan.
Warm regards,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Last weekend, I took some time to sit on our cottage deck, soaking in the last few rays of summer. Thereâs always something a bit sad about Labour Day weekend.  Like all good things, summer must come to an end.  Joe and I enjoyed some bruschetta, made with tomatoes purchased at the local farmerâs market and basil harvested from our garden. We took the time to savour the rich flavour of the food in front of us, enjoying the stillness of the lake and the calmness of the moment.
Itâs so easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life, forgetting to slow down and savour the colours, smells and textures around us.  Autumn is a particularly good time for this.  I invite you to take photos of the natural beauty around you.  Capture a shot of something that settles you: something that bring you peace. Take a moment to write a line about what makes it special and send it to Mackenzie at mseagram@landingstrong.com. Â
Let us know if youâd like to remain anonymous or if we can acknowledge your first name and weâll share your inspirations on our social media channels.Â
Many hearts beating together make us stronger.
Warm regards,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
âIâm tired of feeling bad about myself. How can I learn to feel better?â
Itâs a great question, and is likely a challenge that has faced us all at some point in our lives.
Personally, I think low self-esteem is the result of high expectations.
Weâre all good at some things, and not so good at others.
Low self-esteem happens when we think we should be good at everything.
Those of you who struggle with addictions likely can relate. Addictions arenât the result of expecting too little. Itâs usually about expecting too much and feeling frustrated with ourselves when we donât measure up.
So my word for the week is compassion.
Are you able to take a moment to appreciate those things you do well?
Try practicing compassion with yourself in those areas that youâre not strong at. No one gets better when they are being yelled at. Our inner critic can have the loudest and most disabling voice of all.
You may know that you love deeply, and care deeply, but not actually know how to communicate that to others. Instead of focussing on those things we canât do, and feeling badly, I encourage you to notice your areas of strength, building on them so you have the confidence to work on those things that are still âin development.â
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Executive Director, Landing Strong
Itâs a phrase I hear quite often, usually by people whoâve had harmful experiences that left them feeling disillusioned or hurt.
Itâs natural to build walls to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. The problem is, trust is often described in black and white terms: itâs there or it isnât.
In reality, I see trust as having many dimensions. Letâs think about it for a moment. If we were facing a zombie apocalypse, who would you most want by your side? Is it the same person who youâd hire to care for your children or grandchildren? Probably not. Mary Poppins and Van Diesel definitely fall into different categories of trust. Trusting someone with your physical safety needs is different that trusting them to care for your children.
I trust my husband Joe implicitly, but he might not be my first choice when it comes to decorating cupcakes (flashback to our wedding where we decorated our own bride and groom cakes. Joeâs cake consisted of a war scene with Tonka tanks, explosions and GI Joe parachuting down into the middle). YeahâŠI definitely donât trust my husband when it comes to decorating cakes⊠but, I do trust him to be there for me when it comes to the really important stuff.
I like to think of trust as a three dimensional star with many prongs. I can trust some people along many dimensions, others along only a few. Thatâs okay, as long as I donât trust people in areas that arenât their strength.
So if you catch yourself thinking âpeople canât be trusted,â try looking for exceptions in this âall or nothingâ thinking pattern. It may be there are some things they do well. See what happens if you modify your expectations accordingly.
Warmly,
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
Those of you who have signed up for careers in the military or as first responders understand what it means to be dedicated to a life of service.  Family members also become part of this commitment, making sacrifices so that others may be safe.
I was speaking with a law enforcement officer today who described the âthin blue lineâ that has become synonymous with the police line of duty.  The black space above the line commonly represents society, order and peace, while the black space below, crime, anarchy and chaos.  Itâs a thin blue line (police) that runs between the two, keeping society protected.  Uniforms often reflect the thin blue line, or variations of it.  Although the stripe on your uniform may be a different colour, the unifying theme is the commitment to service and duty.  Iâm often struck how deep and automatic the dedication to service runs: putting oneself in harmâs way so that others might be protected.  Even after long careers, veterans often search for ways to âgive backâ or be âof serviceâ to their communities.  Many people describe repeatedly volunteering for horrific duties so that others wonât have to.  Whether itâs volunteering to assist with the Swissair disaster, responded to a fatal house fire, working daily with gangs, investigating homicides, or being first at the scene after a horrific car accident, someone always steps forward, putting themselves at risk so that their friends, colleagues, and community, may be protected.  As you well know, this is not without a toll.  Not feeling the injury while at work doesnât mean that a deep-seeded pain isnât there.  What happens when the uniform comes off?
Whether itâs at the end of a long shift, during a break following injury, or after a long career, knowing how to care for oneself is not always simple.  I often hear people talk about âbecoming the job.â  Family members fret that their loved ones no longer feel the same.
Itâs for this reason we are launching our new program Identity and Transition: discovering who you are when the uniform comes off.  Whether youâre on active duty, in transition, or retired. This course is for you. If youâre not yet ready to sign up for the program, we hope that youâll follow our online resources related to this important topic.  Warmly,Â
Belinda Seagram, Ph.D., R. Psych. Founder, Landing Strong
